Page 8 of The Fake Family Deal

“Why would anyone care about that?” I say, still sulking.

“You’d be surprised. The average person cares about rich people more than they should. People just love to watch people more successful than them on television. It helps them dream about something that they can never have.”

She’s getting carried away with all that smiling. I make sure to meet it with a steely frown. “Okay, but why shouldIdo this?”

Wilma doesn’t shy away from my mood. Instead, she just keeps going. “We believe we can really use this as a tool to help promote Beautiful Baby. If we can update your image and prove to the world that not only are you wildly successful and perhapsa little grumpier than you ought to be, but that you are also a loving family man, we really believe this could help with sales.”

I scoff, incredulous that this is what they’re bringing to me. “So, not only do you want me to prance around on television, but you want me to do that and pretend to fall in love? You want me to get a real wife and a real child ASAP and pretend to actuallylikethem?”

The nerve of these people. It’s insane that they would think I could possibly be interested in doing anything like this.

My entire schtick is me being grumpy and moody and rich. I lean right into it. But for people to see a softer side of me and decide I’m into being all touchy-feely? Ugh. Being grumpy is easier. At least it doesn’t take any effort.

The meeting room falls silent, everyone shuffling awkwardly in their seats as they wait for someone else to say something.

Priscilla turns to me, sensing my outrage level getting too high for anyone’s comfort. “You could say no, of course, but we don’t need you to actually get married. All we need is an actor who will be willing to pretend to be in a relationship with you for a couple of weeks while we film. This really would not drastically affect your life, after all. You’re already a well-known public figure. All this would do is bolster your popularity. Just three weeks of your life; that’s all you’d have to dedicate to this.”

“You make it sounds so appealing,” I sniff. I fold my arms and sink back in my chair, eyeing everyone with suspicion. “You’ve all made this decision already, haven’t you?”

Slowly but surely, they all prove themselves as traitors, nodding one by one.

This is utterly ludicrous. Where am I possibly going to find a wife? Not only a wife, but a woman with a baby who would evenconsiderdoing this.

And then I think about that ridiculous flustered woman from the interviews. There’s no way she would ever be a good PA for me, but she was attractive, and she does have all the things I need make this work. She looks good, she wants a job, and most importantly of all, she has a small child.

Nothing about this is ideal, but as I think about it, I’m starting to see ways that it could work.

“Promise me that this isn’t going to just make me look stupid. Promise me that you really think this is the best option for everyone,” I say, glaring down every single one of my so-called advisors.

They all nod again, and I decide to admit defeat.

“Yes,” says Priscilla. She’s the only one who ever dares stand up to me. “We really think this is going to do Beautiful Baby a world of good.”

“Swear to me that this is going to work — and I’ll do it,” I say, staring her straight in the eye.

“I swear this is going to work,” she repeats without hesitation.

“All right, then. Time to find a wife.”

Priscilla pushes over a stack of files towards me. “Headshots from a local casting agency. It seems like a good place to start.”

“No,” I say. “Find that woman we interviewed for the PA position. The one with the baby and the phone. You know the one I mean. What was her name?”

“You mean the one whose daycare called?” asks Priscilla, her face crumpling in doubt.

“Yes. I want her.”

She flicks through the files and finds the one, but before she hands it to me, she asks me, as if asking a child, “Are you sure?”

“I won’t do this with anyone else.”

I know I’m sounding petulant, and I have absolutely no reason to believe that this woman is even going to want anything to do with me. But I figure that a big paycheck never hurt anyone, and I can think of few people who would decline the amount I’m going to offer.

Priscilla hands me the file, and I flick to the phone number. Carefully, I type it in, then hesitate for a second. It’s just three weeks. I can manage three weeks with a woman who hates me. It’s for a good reason.

I hit call.

CHAPTER 6

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