Page 53 of The Fake Family Deal

I wanted to have a man who loved me and wanted to have a kid with me. A man who would be willing to wake up in the night and soothe the crying baby back to sleep when I was too tired. Someone to support me. Someone I could trust to build a family, a life with.

It makes me feel so stupid that I’ve done it again. I’ll never regret this baby, just like I don’t regret Lila. I just wish I’d done it properly this time.

For first time in weeks, I’ve got the paint out to entertain Lila. Until now, it’s been too painful to even think about the idea of watching her mix paints together, because everything reminds me of him in the worst possible way.

“Hey, Lila,” I say. “Come here.”

Lila blinks up at me and coos happily, stretching out her hands towards me, and then, seeing the paint, wiggles over to it straight away. She bounces onto her bottom and claps at me, impatient for me to set the paint out for her. I sit down far less graciously than she does, and unscrew the bottles for her.

“Yay!” she seems to say, launching palm-first into the yellow blob.

She immediately throws her hands down onto the page, making little drops of yellow fly all over the room. Oh, well. If it’s really impossible to clean, I can buy a new sofa.

This money is starting to make me overindulgent. Maybe I should get a cleaner before all new furniture.

Lila doesn’t notice the mess, though. She keeps dragging her hands over the page, covering it in the bright yellow, giggling to herself as she makes her art.

Not that I’m sure a patchy yellow sheet of paper saturated to the point of sogginess can be calledart. As long as she’s having fun, though, that’s what counts.

“Here, Lila,” I say, waving to catch her attention. I force my face into a smile when she catches my eye. “Do you want some red? You can mix them together and we’ll get orange.”

The wordsorangehits me like a punch in the gut. To think I called Ellis ridiculous for trying to teach her about colors, and here I am, doing the exact same.

Everything keeps coming back to him.

As I watch Lila reach for the red to create a muddy-orange scene, I take some deep, steadying breaths. I don’t want to miss Ellis, but I do. I don’t want to keep thinking about him, but I do.

It happens with everything — when Lila splashes bubbles out of her bath, or we go for our walk, or I read her a story, or I go to bed alone and yearn for a body to sleep next to. Everywhere I look, I’m haunted by his ghost.

Less than two weeks, in the end, was how long we were close for. Somehow, though, that was enough to turn my whole world upside down.

Two weeks, and I’ve been left with another baby and a broken heart.

I have to tell him, eventually, I think. It’s not like he’s going to see me around and question it, but I think it’s only right he should know that he has a baby. Even if he wants nothing to do with the infant, it’s only fair to tell him the truth.

It’s just how to do it that’s the issue.

Hey, Ellis, remember those three weeks we spent filming? Remember all the sex we had? Well, it got me pregnant. Surprise!

Somehow, I don’t think that would go down too well.

In my pocket, my phone starts buzzing. I shuffle back from Lila, keeping an eye on her but deciding she doesn’t need my full attention.

Plus, when I see who’s calling, I need to pick up.

“Hello,” I say quickly. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” laughs Dr. Chenka. “Yet again, you’re very healthy. I saw you called in yesterday about some spotting. Is that still happening?”

“Yeah,” I say, breathing out. She really is the best doctor I could have managed to find. “I’ve looked online and it said it’s pretty normal, but I just wanted to check with someone who has a real medical degree.”

Dr. Chenka laughs musically over the phone. She has such a calming presence. After the few weeks I’ve had lately, a bit of calm is exactly what I need. “Yes, spotting is totally normal at this point. We only need to worry if its heaviness or frequencyincrease. Please keep monitoring it, and of course let me know if you have any concerns at all.”

“Thank you,” I say with a smile. “Thank you so much for putting up with all my dumb questions.”

“Not at all. They aren’t dumb. It is good for you to be putting your health first.”

“Can I ask you something else?”

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