Page 78 of Cuts Like An Angel: Part 3

Chapter Thirty-One

William

It didn’t matter the tree was so big. It didn’t matter it was so big that it bent at the ceiling and would have to be cut a little to make it fit. It was perfect. Maybe it would look fine without a star or an angel on the top. They didn’t have to have them, right?

“Will you be in bed when I get back?” Rosie asked. She was off to work. William didn’t want her to go. Not now. Not now he knew things. If he could have kept her home and wrapped her up, he would have.

“I shouldn’t be. I don’t think I’m going to sleep all night.” He put his arms around her, rested his chin on top of her head and just took a moment to feel her there, next to him. “Maybe I won’t let you go to work. You could call in sick, stay here.”

She pressed a hand to his chest, pushing him back, but William didn’t let her. It was different now. Everything was, him, her. He wanted to keep her home, keep her safe.

“Tempting,” Rosie said, the light of a tease in her eyes, but then she grew serious. “Are you really happy, William? Like honestly?”

“Are you kidding me? I keep playing that moment over in my head and … I don’t think I’ll ever make it real. It is real, right? You’re not just teasing me?” He’d never stand it if she was. If it was one of those jokes … thank god it wasn’t April 1st or some shit like that.

“It is real. We’re real.”

He tried to believe that, tried to hold onto it. “We are.” Another pause between them, and then William moved enough so he could look at her. “Are you happy about it? I mean, the other. Before … when you were younger.” How did he get those words out? She’d had a baby before. Surely this one, this pregnancy would remind her of those things. Would tear her heart a little perhaps?

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. I try not to be, but every time I think about it, think about her … do you think it’s possible to be punished for things?”

“Punished? What would you be punished for?”

“For my father’s friend. What I did.”

Anger was a cool heat inside William’s belly, even more than before. The picture of Rosie with a man … an older man. “Rosie.” He held her for a moment, felt her against him, felt her pain in ways he couldn’t quite explain. She’d never be punished for that. The man who’d done it, the man who’d taken advantage of a young and vulnerable girl was the one needing to be punished, but now wasn’t the time to entertain those thoughts. He didn’t get to have a place in their special day. “You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all.” He tilted her head back so he could kiss her properly this time, so he could taste her. So much had gone on recently. Their world had been so crazy that he’d forgotten almost who they were and who she was.

“You keep kissing me like that and I’m never going to get to work,” she breathed against his mouth.

“Is that a promise?”

She nipped lightly at his lip and he went to grab her, but she wriggled out of his hold completely. “I’ll be back later.”

He stuck out his bottom lip and she smiled at him.

“I really am happy, you know,” he said, wishing there was a way he could actually show her what he felt inside. Maybe he could show Rosie how much she meant to him, and not just because she was pregnant.

“Me too.” Then she was gone.

It might have been just a minute, it could have been ten minutes as William stayed where he was, totally still, totally silent and totally lost in his own mental world. For the first time, he felt like he was walking through mud, but not in a bad way. In a way that made him unsure if he was real. Maybe he was dreaming. If he was, he sure as hell didn’t want to wake up. He wasn’t ready for that yet.

Even the sound of his mother’s television blaring from the other room couldn’t dampen his mood. Nothing could. He turned and glanced at the tree they’d propped in the corner of the room. It was still in its netting, all green and making the room smell like Christmas should. Tomorrow they’d decorate it. Him and Rosie … they’d make it their own. He couldn’t help but smile at it.

William’s other phone began to ring from his pocket, and he pulled it out.

“Hello?”

“I’m not disturbing you, am I?”

“Huh? No. Not at all.”

Dana.

“Is everything okay?”

“Do you think it takes a long time to get over someone? Someone you’ve been married to for so long?”

He heard her words, heard the heaviness in them, but they didn’t touch him the way they would have before. He tried to engage his brain to give her a decent answer. “I don’t really know. I’ve never been married.”

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