Page 66 of Cuts Like an Angel: Part 2

He took slow steps to her room. The sound of his shoes echoed on the floor like warning thumps of his pain-stricken heart demanding that he turn and go home. Never come back William. Never come back.

He was walking through water in cement filled boots, but when he got to her room, he stopped just before the doorway so that he couldn’t see inside. His mother’s chart was on the wall. Meaning, she didn’t have any doctors or nurses in the room with her. But someone had brought bright flowers–another failure by him.

William didn’t notice one of his mother’s nurses approaching until she grabbed his forearm and greeted him with a warm smile. “She’s going to be okay, you know? She is just resting, but she should make a full recovery.”

Why did they do that? Assume his hesitation was because he was the loving son who didn’t want to see his mother in this state. He was glad she was like this. He was glad that she couldn’t speak and couldn’t utter her words to him.

“I feel so helpless,” he admitted after a moment of awkward silence. But it wasn’t for her condition, no. He was helpless in the whole situation.

“It’s normal to feel that way.”

Normal? Yes. Helpless inside himself was normal … for him.

“When she wakes, she might sound like she is a little drunk,” the nurse warned. “Like she is slurring. It will pass. But just be aware.”

What the nurse didn’t realise, was that slurring for Maria was normal. He had got used to it as a child. She had always been more interested in the booze than him—booze and men—that was Maria.

“You’re meeting with Dr Wilson, next week?” the woman said then.

“Yes. To discuss her care needs. She’d been staying at Wilshire House before, mostly a trial break away from each other.”

At least that was his story. It was better than the truth. Better than, my mother’s head was smashed with a bottle, and so I put her in a home before I killed her for real. He was a bad son. The worst. That was why he was on that bridge. That was why he should have died. She was better away from him. Better away from his sick wants and needs.

“Okay.” The nurse gave William’s arm a quick squeeze, oblivious to the anguish behind his eyes. They were all so damn blind. “There are two chairs in there. Just pop yourselves in. I am sure she’ll be happy to see you both.”

The nurse went back to her work at the nurses’ station and William slowly inched himself around until he could see Maria.

She almost resembled the mother he had loved once—loved when he had mistakenly thought she was the best woman in the world. Her eyes were closed, and someone had obviously brushed her hair out. It appeared soft and clean, like maybe she was happy. If hair could make someone seem happy.

“She looks peaceful,” said Rosie as she came in behind him.

Yes, she did, but there was no peace behind those eyes. William knew that too well. He wouldn’t be surprised if she shot a hand out and smacked him one. She could look asleep, but really, she was just a snake waiting to bite.

Grabbing one of the chairs and sliding it closer, William dared to sit near his mother. Her hands were by her sides. “Do you think she can hear me?” he said to Rosie. “You know like they do in comas.”

“Maybe.” Rosie didn’t sit. Instead, she rested her hand on William’s shoulder as he reached a hand out for his mother’s.

“I hope you don’t wake up,” he whispered to his mother, his tone soft and loving, yet his words not matching. I hope this takes you. We ruined your house, you know? It’s trashed.

The temptation to crush her hand in his was nearly overwhelming. The night he threw himself into the river was a flood in his mind, sending tremors along his skin so much that his hand shook. I hate you so much he said in his mind, resting his head down so that it was against his mother’s leg. Why did you have to be my mother? Why did you have to make me love you?

“I love you mum. I’m so sorry for being me. I wish I could have made you love me. I wish you had wanted me to be your son. I ruin everything.”

“William,” Rosie scolded softly.

“No,” he said. “It is true. I will ruin you too. You’ll see.”

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