Page 34 of Cuts Like an Angel: Part 2

Chapter Eighteen

Rosie

Sickness gripped Rosie as she touched William again, not allowing him to retreat any further than he was. “William, listen,” she ordered, making her voice firm. At seeing her tone had reached him, she continued. “I love you. Look at me.”

“I can’t, Rosie.” The desperate gasp came from behind his hands. “I can’t look at you, I can’t.”

“I don’t care what she says about you, I don’t believe a word of it.”

He turned and faced the car. “Why wouldn’t you believe it?” he whispered.

“Because I know your heart, your mind. You’re a beautiful soul, William.”

He gave a derisive snort. “You don’t know me.” He shook his lowered head. “I tried to tell you, didn’t I? You refuse to hear me. I’m not a good person, I’m not a pure soul, Rosie.”

“You were a child William,” she strained, pulling him to face her. “Look at me, right now.” He finally did and the guilt and shame in his gaze infuriated her. “You. Were. A. Child! I don’t give a shit what you did; you didn’t know better.”

“Bullshit,” he strained back, finally looking at her.

“Not bullshit!”

“Yes, it is.” The regret made his words thick. “I wasn’t a stupid kid, Rosie. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I … I did it, anyway. More than that, I …” his chin shook as he fought to speak. “I liked it.”

The words burned out of him with so much shame. Rosie didn’t know what else to do but grab hold of him and hold him in a tight embrace. “Of course, you did,” she gasped into his chest. “If that was all you had, all you knew … it wasn’t your fault that’s all they gave you!” she sobbed against him, holding him tighter when he trembled in her arms.

“I liked it Rosie.” The confession choked out of him, a vile secret he’d been holding in so long. “I liked all the bad things.”

She pulled back and held his face tight, making him see her. “Listen to me. Look at me,” she ordered shakily. “You will learn new things with me. You and me, we’ll… we’ll both learn new things. Together. Things nobody can take from us,” she strained. “I’ll be your first for all these new things; do you understand? You’ll be my first, too. Because I’ve never had love,” she whispered. “I’ve never had a beautiful man like you, loving me, cherishing me,” she gasped. “You cherish me and love me, right?”

Tears wet his face as he nodded, fighting back a storm.

“I saved you that night at the bridge for a reason,” she whispered harshly. “It was so you could be loved properly, and I could be loved properly. Do you see that? Do you understand? You survived so that you could learn to live ... with me, William.”

He latched onto her tightly, part of a sob escaping him. “I lose everything. I fail at everything. That’s why I’m still here, Rosie. So that I can keep being a fuck up. It’s all I know, and all I’m good at.”

“That’s a lie!” she said loudly in his chest, clutching his shirt. “I’ll prove it. I’ll prove it even if it takes my whole life!”

Rosie held him, gripping his straining body that shook with the storm inside him. She waited for it all to come exploding out, maybe wishing it would so he could get it out. She couldn’t imagine having that inside all this time. “I’m here, William. I’m here with you, I see you, and I love you just as you are, all the dirty parts too. We’ll clean you; we’ll get you all cleaned up. I’ll see to it, you’ll see,” she cooed, stroking his head and back.

She finally got him into the car and drive him home. He was like a zombie as she led him into the house then up the stairs. He didn’t want anything. She didn’t like the look of him. She’d never seen him so down since … that awful night when she’d found him in the tub.

He allowed her to do whatever with him and she finally got him lying down. She moved to get him a cool cloth, and he caught her hand.

“Don’t leave.”

“I was just getting a cloth to wipe your face.”

“Stay, Rosie,” he croaked, pulling her onto him.

“Whatever you need, William,” she said softly, lying right on top of him. She lay listening to the heavy thumps of his heart, wishing to assure him, or lighten his mood. Anything. “I hope I don’t crush you.”

He held her in his embrace, seeming to have little strength. “I wish you could.”

Pain stabbed her chest at the same agony she’d heard that first night she’d talked to him on the hotline. Just a silent, hopeless, agony. “Well that’s too bad, now isn’t it?” She stroked his face and hair. “You’re pretty stuck with me and I’m very naggy. I hope you’re ready for Nosy Rosie. Once she gets her nose in something, you’re done for, she’ll never leave you alone.”

He turned with her suddenly, putting her under him. He kissed her like he was drowning and her lips were a lifeline that insisted he live. He sucked at them, feasted on them and she poured all of herself out for him. She raked her fingers through his hair, scraping along his scalp. “Make love to me, William. You’re mine; do you hear me?” At feeling his breaths strain and shudder, she rolled and put him under her, taking over. “All mine; do you hear me?” she gasped, clutching his face. She would be so much more than his sick mother had ever been. Maria was filthy and vile, and Rosie would be the opposite and she would crush her hold on him, cleanse every stain she put on him.

Rosie shoved his shirt up and kissed along his torso, working her way to his jeans. She pushed his hands aside when he tried to help. “Me, William. You’re mine to own. Mine, do you hear me?” she shuddered, opening his jeans with a hunger. She yanked them down over his hips, letting the power of her love embolden her. Damn to hell experience. What she had was enough, was better than anything she could learn. She had love for William and what more could she need?

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