Page 25 of Cuts Like an Angel: Part 2

Chapter Thirteen

William

“Let me,” said William a moment too late as he discreetly pulled his sleeve over his hand and went to open the door for Rosie.

Rosie grabbed the handle, though, two seconds too late for him to do anything about it. “It’s okay. I am a modern-day woman, don’t you know? I can open the door for myself, and for you.” She gave him a smile … that smile. The one that sang to both him and Josh and somehow melded those parts of him together. But not right then. Not right as she touched the handle that countless people before her had. William’s mind latched onto the rollercoaster of thoughts and scenarios. All of which ended in disaster, as Josh tried desperately to come to the rescue and cool him down.

“Thank you,” he said, giving a courteous nod as he stepped through the doorway first. He could barely think as he tried to scan the café for seats. None of them felt right now. It wouldn’t matter where he sat or how long he agonised over it; his mind wanted to go to Rosie’s hand that bit his subconscious like a pulsating creature on the end of her arm.

“Let’s sit by the window,” she said, slipping her small hand into his and making him jerk through the sudden contact.

“Is something wrong?” Hurt peeked out through her eyes, ready to spring into action and finish him.

“No.” He shook his head quickly, trying to chase off the thoughts and the expression on Rosie’s face. “Bit of a headache. Probably the smoke.”

Shit, now he made her guilty. She squeezed his hand tighter, pressing the dirt into his skin. It took all his resolve to not yank his hand free from hers. It’s already dirty now. What difference does it make?

“Do you need to go back home? Lie down?”

His mind screamed yes. His brain yelled at him to turn around, go home, and brush this all off as a bad idea, but he pushed all that down. Pushed every last ounce of his insane brain to the floor. He’d conquered this demon so long ago. Fought it tooth and nail until it no longer bothered him, and yet, here it was, raising its fucking ugly head to ruin everything and chase Rosie away.

“Let’s go and sit there, then,” he said, nodding at the seat Rosie had chosen. It would take him hours to choose one now and when he did, Rosie would have gone home … to America. But then, that was only a matter of time, wasn’t it?

There was a glass on the table, a half-drunk glass of cola. Rosie picked it up with not a care in the world and just moved it to the edge of the table. Just like that. William clenched his jaw, staring at it like she had just put her hands in dog shit. She might as well have.

“What should we eat?” she asked, plucking the menu from the holder beside them, but William just stared, clenching his hands into fists and trying to keep his mind steady. His phone vibrated in his pocket for the millionth time today. Maria and her demands. Come and see me. Come here so I can hurl more abuse at you.

“You choose.”

“William …” Rosie angled her head, her brows pulling in. “Are you okay?”

He nodded again, scratching at the back of his head and catching his hair between his fingers, pulling it hard where Rosie couldn’t see. “I’m okay.”

“You’re not. What’s wrong?”

William was winning. That’s what was wrong. William … useless fucking William pushing through. “I’m okay. I promise.” He reached over and copied Rosie, grabbing a menu for himself, only he caught the glass she had moved and sent it flying, spilling cola across the table. “Shit,” he muttered, jumping up and catching the glass before it rolled onto the floor and smashed.

Rosie snatched up her purse before the coke reached it, but not before it reached her phone. Cola dripped from her hand as she dashed to the condiment station for some napkins.

“I’m sorry,” he said, panicking, his mind losing itself in the battle. Fucking William … Rosie would storm out in a moment. She would yell and shout and leave because he was pathetic. “I’m so sorry,” he said again, taking a bunch of napkins and mopping up the mess.

Maria hated when he was clumsy. Days of moods would ensue after the slightest of incident. He nervously raised his eyes to Rosie, feeling the depth of everything inside.

“It’s okay. Just coke.” She helped clean the table and shoved the glass and the soggy napkins to the side as a server came over to take them and wipe the table down. Rosie held out her sticky hands. “I’m just going to run to the bathroom. Clean up.”

The erratic thoughts settled with relief. That was it? That was all it took? Spill some coke and she would go and clean her hands. It was instantaneous as the anxiety swept away. Like the cola spilling from the glass, his own crazy, William’s laden stresses, vanished. “Me too. Meet you back in a few.”

There was no one in the bathroom when he went in. It gave him a moment to stare at himself. Really stare. It was hard to grasp onto reality again when his thoughts had been so far off the radar, even fucking NASA would have a problem locating them. “Just breathe.” He tried to fill his mind with Carly’s voice. With her words. Thumb and finger. He pinched them together. Everything was clean and Rosie wouldn’t shout.

“Your feet are flat on the floor, William. Feel the ground.”

He scoffed at that, mentally jarring at the name. He was Josh. He wanted to be Josh, but William was very present just then. Carly only ever knew him as Josh, though. Josh the idiot who had landed himself in psych. Sometimes, in his sessions with her, it was hard to slip between the masks of himself. She had the names wrong. Josh was the good one—the confident one. Josh wasn’t the one who sliced up his arms and rocked on the floor pulling his hair at night just to calm the shit in his brain, no, that was William. But she didn’t know William.

His phone buzzed again, rattling in his pocket. He pulled it out this time and answered it. “Is everything okay?” he asked, after the nurse on the other end introduced herself and they exchanged usual telephone pleasantries.

“Yes. No need to worry. I’m just calling to get your okay on some things. Maria has been complaining about a pain in her hip again and we would like to get someone in to look at it.”

“Sure,” William said. “Whatever she needs.” Just another attention seeking moment for her.

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