Page 61 of Under My Skin

As I listened to my best friend pour his heart out to the woman he loved, I had to choke down the lump that rose in my throat. Because everything he was saying? It could have been me talking about Dani. She was one of the strongest women I knew, and even though she’d been pushed to her breaking point, she had figured out a way to pick up the pieces and keep going.

She was a force of nature. I was a screwup who didn’t deserve a single second of her time. I was in complete awe of her, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to show her that every single day for the rest of my life.

Ian took another deep breath and swallowed hard, then pulled the ring box from his pocket and got down on one knee, popping the lid open. “Kyler Madeline Strong, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

“Yes! Yes, of course!” she exclaimed with a giggle.

While Ian kissed her hand, slid the ring on her finger, and then stood up to crash his lips to hers, everyone in our crowd – who would always be my chosen family, no matter how many miles separated us – erupted in cheers and applause.

But the smile that spread across my face as I joined in the celebration felt wrong. Hollow. Empty. Because all I could think about was a woman who was nine hundred miles away from me. And the very real possibility that I might never get a moment like this one with her.

I’d hadn’t even gotten a chance to pour myself a cup of coffee when I heard someone banging on the front door. Groaning, I ignored it and continued fixing my mug of the bitter nectar of the gods. I had absolutelyzerodesire to people right now. Unless those people were Dani and Isaac – which, given that I was in Kansas and they were in Florida, was impossible at the moment.

Another loud knock sounded as I took my first sip.

“B, get your ass out here!” I heard Ian calling.

Nope. Not fucking happening. I’d had about as much of watching my newly engaged friends as I could take yesterday. I loved them both, but when all I could think about was the tangled mess that was my life…well, watching them be so happy and in love was just too much to handle.

“We’re just as stubborn as you are, Braden!” Kyler hollered. “We’ll wait out here all day if we have to!”

“Damn it!” I groaned loudly as I padded my way to the door and threw it open.

Standing there with a huge box from LaMar’s Donuts and a drink carrier full of frozen coffees from Groundhouse – two of my favorite local places – were Ian and Kyler, accompanied by Melissa. Kyler immediately handed the drink carrier to her best friend and slid her arms around my waist, squeezing tight.

Just that simple gesture made my eyes sting as I returned her hug. This girl had always seemed to know when someone she cared about was hurting, even if they did their damnedest to hide it from her. Ever since I’d known her, regardless of what was going on in her own life, she’d been hyper-attuned to that kind of thing. And right now, I was the undeserving asshole who was on the receiving end of that compassion.

“You going to let us in, or are we going to just stand here and let those coffees melt?” Ian asked.

With a sigh, I stepped to the side and let them in, then shut and locked the door behind them. They followed me into thedining room, and I went to grab plates for the donuts before sitting at the table.

Kyler pulled her chair up next to me, set an Irishman blended coffee – Irish cream and hazelnut – in front of me, and put a hand on my arm. “Braden, I know you didn’t want to bring the mood down yesterday, and I love you for being so concerned about making sure Ian and I’s day was special. But I can also tell there’s something going on with you. Something big.”

“I can’t put this on you and Ian, Ky,” I said quietly, opening the box and grabbing a pineapple cake donut and a Bavarian cream bizmark. “You just got engaged.”

“Yeah. Yesterday,” she chuckled weakly. “You can’t use that excuse anymore.”

“We’re a family, B,” Ian said. “Distance doesn’t change that. And family helps each other.”

“And doesn’t judge. No matter what,” Melissa added. “There’snothingyou could say that would make us look at you any differently. So talk to us. Let us help you.”

I tried to choke down the lump in my throat, but I wasn’t entirely successful, and I just rested my elbows on the table, burying my head in my hands. “Fuuuuck.”

“I mean, I guess cussing up a storm is an option too,” Kyler teased. “But we can’t help you if we don’t know what’s wrong.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. They were right. I needed to talk about this. Even though I’d already talked to Malachi, it just wasn’t the same. He didn’t know me the way they did. And I needed to talk to someone who didn’t know Dani. Someone neutral. Well, as neutral as they could be, given that these three incredible humans knew and lovedmeunconditionally.

Thank fuck my mom had already left for work, because even though I knew I needed to tell her she had a grandson, I just wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. I needed a little time toprocess this myself before I told her and she got all caught up in the excitement of being a grandmother. Not to mention that right now, thesafething for my mom was keeping her at arm’s length until I was able to prove what I already knew and put Vicki behind bars where she belonged.

And I knew my friends would be able to help me with the processing. So I started at the beginning and told them everything. About Dani and Isaac. About Amara. About Vicki keeping it from me. About my suspicions that Vicki was my stalker. I just let it all out – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

By the time I was done talking, I was in tears. Again. Because every time I thought about Dani, it broke me all over again. Nothing I could do for her would be enough to express the depths of my sorrow and regret. All my apologies felt hollow and meaningless. All the money in the world wouldn’t bring her sister back. And there was no way in the world she’d ever be willing to give a fuckup like me a chance to prove that I could be different. That Iwantedto be different. For her, and for Isaac. That I wanted to give hima good role model to look up to. Be the kind of father he could be proud of.

“B. Oh, my God,” Melissa murmured as she got up from her chair to hug my shoulders.

Kyler followed suit, wrapping her arms around me from the other side. “I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but youwillget through this, Braden. And we’ll help you however you need us to.”

“I just… I can’t…” I choked out. “How the fuck do I make any of this right?”

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