Page 53 of Under My Skin

“And I saw how he looked at you,” Lina added with a soft laugh. “He loves you, chica.”

That just made another sob bubble out of me. “It doesn’t matter. Hecan’tlove me.Ican’t lovehim!”

“Why not?” Lina asked. “He’s not the man you thought he was. He didn’t abandon you. He just didn’t know.”

“Amara’s still…she’s still dead,” I blubbered. “Because he got her pregnant. And she…she died thinking that?—”

“Babe, stop,” Morgan scolded, raising an eyebrow at me. “I know you’re still grieving. And I know you’re trying to find someone or somethingto blame for what happened to Mar. But that someone isn’t Braden. He didn’t kill her. She had an autoimmune disorder that went undiagnosed and untreated.That’swhy a simple postpartum infection turned septic so fast. It’s no one’s fault. It’s just a grossly unfair, horrible thing that happened. But you got that sweet little boy out of it, and nomatter how hard it’s been, I know you love him more than anything.”

Letting out another sob, I leaned against Morgan, and she folded her arms around me, squeezing tight. I felt Lina’s hand rubbing my back while Morgan combed her fingers through my hair, both of them just silently letting me cry yet again.

Part of me knew they were right. Part of me realized that Braden hadn’t had any way of knowing there was a microscopic tear in one of their condoms – because even Amara hadn’t known until she missed two periods in a row and took that test. And I also knew he wasn’t to blame for his publicist keeping this from him.

But the other part of me? Just couldn’t get past it. Not because I blamed him – not really – but because Amara had died without knowing who he really was. She’d never gotten to know the man who was so worried for Isaac’s and my safety that he’d hired round-the-clock security. The man who had come up with a completely off-the-wall idea for how to give me a safe space to really let out my feelings about losing her. The man who had still called me “sweetheart” and “beautiful” last night even though I was screaming my lungs out at him. The man who had refused to give up on me even when I’d tried my hardest to push him away.

The man who had somehow, while I wasn’t looking, managed to burrow himself so deep into my soul that there was no way to get him out.

“I know,” I sobbed. “But I can’t do this. I just can’t.”

“I didn’t know your sister, cariña.” Lina’s voice was barely above a whisper. “But I can tell how close you were and how much you loved each other, so I believe she’s watching over you now. I believe she knows the truth. And if she does, who’s to say she didn’t put the two of you back in each other’s lives? Who’s to say she doesn’t know that beautiful boy needs his papá and you need someone like Braden by your side?”

“You know Mar would have wanted you to be happy,” Morgan added. “And if the thought of losing him hurts this much…well, what does that tell you?”

I sighed. Maybe they were right. Because really, when I thought about it, the way Braden and I had found our way to each other was just completely bizarre. And the way I’d fallen for him, even with everything I thought he’d done…well, that wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t meant to be, would it?

Before I had to come up with an answer, Isaac started fussing in his swing. Lina started to get up, but I pulled out of Morgan’s arms and stood.

“I’ve got him,” I said, taking a deep breath and wiping my cheeks. “I feel like a horrible mother after last night and today.”

“You’re an amazing mother, babe,” Morgan said. “You were just dealing with some stuff. And that’s why I had Lina come over.”

“Still,” I sighed. “I need some Isaac time.”

“Okay. Just let us know if you need anything,” Lina said as she settled back on the couch.

Looking at the clock, I saw that it was about time to give him a bottle, so I headed into the kitchen to mix up some formula and throw it in the warmer before going over to the swing and taking Isaac out. And as I settled him into my arms and looked down at his sweet little face and those big brown eyes that were more Braden’s shade than Amara’s, I knew I couldn’t keep this little man and his daddy apart. I still didn’t know what the future held for me and Braden, but no matter what became ofourrelationship, I needed to make sure they would always have one.

Picking up my phone from the coffee table, I shifted Isaac so I could hold him with one arm and pulled up my text thread with Braden. I felt another lump rise in my throat as I reread his text from last night and remembered how crushed and confused and devastated he’d been when I jumped out of that car. He didn’tdeserve that, and he didn’t deserve the anger and accusations I’d spewed at him either. Using the swipe feature on my phone’s keyboard so I could type one-handed, I wrote him a message.

Me

I’m sorry for last night. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean and you didn’t deserve it. I need some time, but I won’t keep you and Isaac apart. He needs his dad.

I was shocked when my phone dinged with a reply less than a minute later.

Braden

You can have as much time as you need, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.

I want you to know Mal and I are heading to Vicki’s office on Monday morning with my lawyer. I’m going to make sure she never works in this industry again. Is it okay if Glenn calls you and asks for some specifics so he’s armed with all the facts when we go in?

Me

Of course. Classes are over, so he can call anytime. And if he needs a paper trail, I still have Amara’s phone with her call logs. And the logs from the couple of times I called from my phone.

Braden

Thank you, beautiful. I’ll let him know. I also have another important thing I need him to do for me, but I want you to be there for it. Can you meet me at his office Monday afternoon around 2?

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