Page 7 of Mistletoe and Holly

I huffed out a sigh. He of all people should have known I’d never cross that line with her. And there wasdefinitelyno way I was going to do it now, when I’d scared her half to death just by imagining for a split second what it would be like to have her lips on mine and letting the mask I wore every second of every day slip for just a moment.

“I mean, I drew her a bath and made her a cup of hot chocolate,” I mumbled. “But it did not and never will go any further than that.”

“Care to explain why not?” Julian asked. “Anyone with eyes can see you have feelings for her. And she needs someone like you.”

The sad thing was, I couldn’t argue with that. Hell, evenHarpercould tell I was in love with Holly. But that didn’t change the facts.

“Shehasme. And she always will. But I’m not going to try to force something onmy sister-in-lawthat she clearly doesn’t want.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Joey said, his head snapping in my direction so fast it looked like something out of a cartoon. “Doesn’t want?”

“Yeah, doesn’t want. She loves Owen, not me.”

The truth of those words burned my throat coming out. It didn’t matter that Owen had been dead for two and a half years. She still loved him and always would. Truth told, I would have been surprised if sheeverdecided to date someone else. He had been the love of her life, and she’d been his.

Kris took a deep breath and walked over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Can I say something that might come across as a little insensitive?”

I nodded, already knowing where this was headed.

“Owen’s dead,” he murmured. “And yes, there’s always going to be a part of her that loves him, just like there’s always going to be a part of you that loves him. But this is no way to honor his memory. It’s not what he would want. He wouldn’t want her living in the past, and he wouldn’t want you torturing yourself keeping your distance from her. He’d want both of you to move on and live your lives. He’d want Harper to have a model she could look up to of what a healthy, loving relationship should be like. And he’d want all three of you to be happy.”

A lump rose in my throat, and it took everything I had to swallow it down. Because picturing a future with Holly and Harper wasn’t even something I had to work at. I couldseeit, as if it had already been set in stone. But the fact remained: she didn’t love me, not like that. Not the way I loved her.

“But she doesn’t see me that way,” I managed to say.

“What makes you think that, Shep?” Julian asked.

I sighed. “Last night…she was exhausted, and I could tell. And I don’t know what happened to make her start crying, but she did. I went to wipe a tear off her cheek, and I thought – just for a second – about kissing her. She must have seen it on my face because she turned awaysofast and then she couldn’t even say two words to me afterward.”

“Did you try to talk to her about it?” he prodded. “I mean,reallytalk? Not deflect?”

I shook my head. “I left.”

“You ran away?” Joey asked.

“No, Ileft. I gave her space, which was what she wanted.”

“How do you know she wanted space?” Kris asked softly. “Did she say that?”

“She didn’t have to. She couldn’t even look at me, Kris. So why would she have wanted to be in the same room with me?”

He blew out a long breath. “I don’t think it was because she doesn’t see you that way, Shep. Holly’s always had a hard time with change, ever since she was a kid.”

“This sounds a lot like what happened with me and Ellie,” Julian chimed in. “It took three years and a figurative slap upside the head from Daph, Ezra, and Love for her to realize that what she and I had together wasn’t just a friendship, and it never really had been. She kissed me in the heat of the moment, but then she was so scared of losing our friendship that she asked me to pretend it hadn’t happened.”

“And left you pining away for three damn years,” Joey chuckled. “Until you stuck your foot in your mouth and opened up a can of worms.”

He snorted. “Exactly. Don’t let yourself be like me, Shep. Don’t miss out onyearswith the woman you love because you’re afraid to tell her how you feel.”

“This is different,” I insisted. “Owen died. She’s still grieving him. I can’t put this on her right now.”

“Maybe that’s why you need to, though,” Kris mused. “Maybe what she needs is a nudge in the right direction.”

“Or maybe I’ll push her away completely and lose her and Harper for good,” I countered.

“Don’t force it,” Julian said. “But when the moment feels right, don’t shy away from it either. Tell her how you feel. You can’t keep feelings that strong buried inside forever. Trust me, I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. It just makes everything worse.”

I let out a weak chuckle. I knew that all too well. Because I’d been keeping what I felt buried inside for almost two decades. And they were right. My resolve wouldn’t last much longer. Not now that Holly had even a faint inkling of how I felt about her.

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