Page 97 of My Vows Are Sealed

“Read it,” she choked out through her tears. “I…I can’t…”

“Shh,” I soothed her, kissing her forehead and trailing my fingers up and down her back. “It’s okay, Dar. Let it out. I’ve got you.”

Darla curled further against me, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her face in my shoulder as she cried. Planting another kiss on her head and tightening my arm around her, I looked at the letter, which I immediately noticed was stained with not only Darla’s tears, but also Gloria’s.

My dear, sweet girl,

Words can’t express how sorry I am that it’s come to this. I tried for so long to protect you from ever knowing about the nightmare I’ve lived in since the day I married your father. I never thought he’d show you the dark and dangerous side of himself that I’ve come to know all too well, but I underestimated him. For years, although I hated seeing how hard he was on you and how strict he was with you, he kept his interactions with you just this side of acceptable, and I thought that knowing you were his flesh and blood would be enough to protect you from him. But I was so very wrong.

The night I realized that horrifying truth will be burned into my memory for the rest of my life. It was the night of your homecoming dance in your freshman year, when Brendan brought you home early. When I heard your screams that night, your pleas for help, I knew it was a turning point. You’d gotten older, your father had started to hurt you the way he’d been hurting me for years, and there was no coming back from that.

Maybe the way he looked at you changed when he saw you wearing that semi-formal dress with your makeup done perfectly, looking so beautiful and grown-up. Or maybe he saw Brendan kiss your forehead in the car before you got out, like I did from the bedroom window. I know that was the first time I realized that you were becoming a woman. I remember wondering where the time had gone and what had happened to the impish little girl in pigtails and overalls who used to draw on the walls and get watercolor paint all over the kitchen table. Somehow, overnight, you’d turned into a beautiful, smart, compassionate, brave young woman, who I couldn’t have been prouder of.

I can’t believe my first instinct that night was to blame you, sweetheart. I still remember asking you what you’d done and why you’d set him off, and it still makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve asked myself so many times since then why that was the first thing that came out of my mouth as I knelt next to you and examined that dislocated shoulder, and the only answer I can come up with is that it was the same thing I’d been asking myself for years. Every time he hit me, every time he forced himself on me, I always asked myself what I’d done and why I’d set him off when I knew exactly what the result would be.

It wasn’t your fault, baby girl. None of what’s happened to you has ever been your fault, and I’m so, so sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to protect you from it. But you have someone else who IS strong enough, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that.

After I tucked you into bed that night, leaving you with an ice pack strapped to your immobilized shoulder and a double dose of over-the-counter painkillers, I knelt down in front of your bedroom door and I prayed. I prayed for the Lord to help me keep you safe, and I prayed that you’d never know this kind of fear and pain ever again. And I swear, I heard Him speaking to me just like He was standing right next to me. He told me that He’d already sent you a man who would spend the rest of his life loving and protecting you. But He also told me that the day would come when you would have to leave home before you were really ready to, and that I needed to prepare for that day so I could help you start your life with Brendan.

Okay, so He didn’t tell me that Brendan was the man He’d sent into your life, but I could read between the lines. I could see the friendship between the two of you growing stronger and stronger by the day, and the look on his face when he kissed your forehead that night was enough to tell me all I needed to know.

I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me about him, honey. I wish you could have told me all about the first time he kissed you, the first time he told you he loved you, the first time he held you as you cried and promised you that he’d never hurt you the way your father had. I still pray that the day comes when you can tell me about all of those firsts, and I’m holding onto the hope that it will.

Ever since that night, I’ve been skimming from every single collection plate I counted at church. I put a little bit aside each time I counted the tithes and snuck it into this shoebox. I took enough for it to start adding up, but not enough that your father would ever notice it was missing. I know stealing is a sin, but the way I look at it, this wasn’t stealing. This money WAS going toward helping those in need. Our parishioners just didn’t know that YOU were the one in need, and they didn’t know how great your need was. There’s just short of five thousand dollars in this box. I know it’s not much, but I hope it’s enough to help you and Brendan find a safe place to land. I also put some of my jewelry in here. If you want to keep it as something to remember me by, you’re welcome to, but it’s all real, and you can sell or pawn it if you need to. I wish I could have given you every single piece I own, but your father would notice if it was all gone.

I love you so much, my brave girl, and I am so proud of you. I know you’re going to hate leaving me behind, but I made my choices a long time ago, and I accept them. Please don’t come back for me. Don’t try to help me. If I can help you get far away from here, then I’ll have done what I was put on this Earth to do. I’ll have protected you like I should have. The best gift you can give me is to go and have a beautiful, fulfilling life with the man I know would die before he ever laid so much as a finger on you. So go spread your wings, fly, and be free. And know that I love both you and Brendan more than you can even imagine.

Love,

Mom

I was frozen in shock by the time I was done reading the letter. I wasn’t sure why reading about the night of that dance, the night my life as I knew it changed forever, in Gloria’s words made it so much worse. So much more real. So much moreterrifying. I couldn’t even imagine living in constant fear every second of every day for the past…God, how long had they been married? It had to have been going on twenty years.

And then there was the end of that letter. It just felt so final. Like a goodbye. It didn’t really feel like a suicide note, but it did feel like she’d accepted the possibility that she might end up dead because she’d helped us. That broke my heart. I’d known this woman for pretty much my whole life, and realizing that she’d given up her own hope and her own chance for freedom in order to protect her daughter was devastating.

I couldn’t let this be the end of it. I couldn’t just run away with Darla and never look back. That monster belonged behind bars, and I needed to make sure that was where he ended up.

I set the letter down on the bed and folded my other arm around Darla, kissing her head and choking down the lump in my throat.

“I have to help her, Brendan,” she sobbed. “I can’t…I can’t leave her there.”

“I know,” I whispered. “And we will. But we’re going to make sure you’re safe first. That’s what she wants. She wants to know that you’re okay. But I promise you, I won’t stop fighting for you and your mom until your father is rotting in jail where he belongs.”

As for how I was going to accomplish that? I didn’t have the foggiest idea.

Chapter 27

Brendan

I’ll Fight

THREE WEEKS LATER

“So, Nay was talking about the gang going down to Savannah next weekend,” Alex said as we walked into our first day on a new construction site. “To celebrate their graduation.”

I smiled. “Yeah, I know. I asked Uncle Paul for those days off. I’m going to meet them down there.”

Maybe it was stupid, but I figured that would be a great opportunity to finally give Darla the ring that was burning a hole in my pocket. I’d had plenty of opportunities since I’d bought that ring, but I wanted it to be perfect when I asked her to marry me. She had so much pain and heartache in her life, and even all of the best moments of my life – our first kiss, the first time we said “I love you,” the first time I held her as she slept, the first time I made love to her – were all tinged with sadness. I just wanted to be able to give her one memory filled with nothing but love and happiness, with no dark clouds looming over the horizon.

---