Page 36 of My Vows Are Sealed

The thought crossed my mind that I should have been fumbling my way through this. First kisses were supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable and you weren’t supposed to have the first clue what you were doing. But I wasn’t fumbling, not even a little bit. As intense and crazy and new as this was, it also felt like I’d done it a thousand times before. Kissing Darla was as easy and right and natural as breathing, and I knew I’d never get enough. I would have spent the rest of my life with my lips on hers, showing her what I didn’t have the words to say, if I could have. But much too soon, my need for oxygen overrode my need to keep this connection alive, and I pulled back, resting my forehead on hers as I tried to catch my breath.

“I made my choice a long time ago, Dar,” I whispered, wiping the tears from her cheeks with my thumb. “For my whole life, it’s only ever been you. And I should have made sure there was never a doubt in your mind about that.”

“Brendan…” she trailed off as a fresh round of tears came to her eyes and spilled over.

I swiped a few of the droplets away and took another breath. “I was always going to talk to you tonight. I couldn’t take this holding pattern we’ve been in for the past couple of months anymore. And Heather was meeting her girlfriend, Christy, here. She just didn’t feel like she could come as Christy’s date. Only a few people know about them.”

“Her girlfriend?” she asked, so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.

“Yeah,” I chuckled weakly. “They’ve been going out since this summer. My mom didn’t know the part about Heather being gay, but she did know that we were just coming here as friends. She was just playing her stupid head games, yet again. I have no idea why, but she’s been telling me to stay away from you and keep Nate away from you for the past couple of years. I just couldn’t do it, because you’re too important tobothof us. And I thought that maybe if your dad thought there was a big group of us coming here together and I had another date, he’d let it slide. That’s the whole reason Heather was even part of this at all. I should have led with the part where Heather and I were just coming as friends when I asked if you and Naomi wanted to come with us, and I’m so sorry I didn’t, but I didn’t think I had to. I thought you knew I’d never hurt you like that. I thought you knew how much I love you.”

Darla’s breathing sped up, and she shook her head as she put her hands on my shoulders and tried to push me back. As much as it killed me, I backed up just enough to give her some room to breathe. If I’d screwed this up and blown my chance with her, it was no one’s fault but my own.

“I can’t do this, Brendan,” she sniffled, still hyperventilating a little. “I can’t.”

It felt like my legs were going to give out under me and my chest tightened as I tried desperately to keep tears from leaking out of my eyes. I didn’t have the right to cry. I’d brought this on myself. And right now, it wasn’t about me. It was about her, and I got the feeling that she didn’t want to be here anymore. I’d ruined her night; the least I could do was give her an escape.

“Do you want me to take you home?” I asked her.

“You can’t,” she mumbled. “Heather’s still here.”

Damn it. She was right. But then again, Heather wasn’t here alone. Not anymore.

Almost as if on cue, the gym door opened and Heather came out, accompanied by…oh, my God. It was Christy Panetierre, the captain of the varsity cheerleading squad. No wonder they didn’t want to advertise their status as a couple. Even though Heather was a cheerleader, she wasn’t exactly popular. She was kind of like me: she got along with everyone, but she didn’t really stand out. But Christy? She might as well have been the Charleston High mascot. If word got out that she was dating a girl, she would have been crucified.

One look at us made Heather’s face fall, like she knew exactly what was happening. Or, rather, whatwasn’thappening.

“We just thought we’d come check on you guys,” she said quietly. “Do you need anything?”

“Yeah, actually. Um, do you think you can get another ride home, Heather?” I asked. “Darla’s not feeling well.”

I knew she could see right through me – and through Darla – but what was happening right now was between us, and I didn’t need to bring anyone else into it. It wasn’t my place. Involving other people was what had screwed this situation up to begin with.

Christy gave us a sad smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get her home.”

“Wait,” Heather interjected. “Darla, come with me.”

Darla looked at her like she had three heads.

“We’re just going to go into the bathroom for a minute to get you cleaned up,” Heather said softly. “Your makeup’s a mess.”

Taking a deep breath, Darla nodded and walked toward Heather, who led her into the bathroom.

“Well, this turned into a gong show,” Christy chuckled weakly.

I snorted. “Understatement of the century. I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot. I hope you don’t mind, but Heather told me pretty much everything. From the sound of it, you were trying to protect Darla. You just tried a little too hard by not letting her in on thewholeplan.”

“I swear to God, I thought she knew how I felt about her,” I sighed.

She smiled. “Something I’ve learned? Us girls, we try to protect ourselves. We tell ourselves that our feelings are one-sided, because that makes it easier when we find out the person we fell for doesn’t feel the same way. Do youknowhow long it took Heather and I to finally come to our senses and realize that our feelings were mutual? I swear, it was like herding cats.”

I chuckled, but didn’t say anything. I honestly didn’t know whattosay. I felt like I should have known that, but I guessed that was what I got for not even looking at any other girl for my whole life. I had absolutely no idea how the female mind worked.

“My point is, if you care about Darla as much as you seem to, spell it out for her,” she continued. “Don’t leave any room for doubt. It might take a little time, but those tears? They tell me that she cares just as much about you.”

Heather and Darla re-emerged from the bathroom with Darla’s face now wiped clean, though her eyes and cheeks were still red and puffy from crying. Instead of letting Darla leave with me right away, Heather led her over to Christy.

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