Page 16 of My Vows Are Sealed

“Yes, Dad?” I choked out.

“My office! Now!” he barked.

“Is there something wrong, Pastor Jones?” Marie asked softly.

“Nothing that concerns you,” he bit out. “This is between me and my daughter.” Then he looked back at me. “Darla, now!”

It felt like I was frozen in place, but I somehow managed to convince my legs to support me as I stood up and rushed out of the room. I dashed through the lobby and opened the door that led to the offices for all the church officials. The closer I got to my dad’s office, the more my feet felt like lead. He’d have something to say about catching me hugging Brendan at the very least. But I knew – I justknew– that wasn’t the only thing he was upset with me for. Ethan had to have told him about Ashton and Kate.

I opened the door of the office and shut it behind me before going to sit on the couch he kept there. Minutes seemed to stretch into hours as I waited for him to join me.

I didn’t know why it surprised me that it took almost five minutes for him to decide to join me. This was hardly a new thing. Every time he wanted to punish me, whether or not I’d actually done anything wrong, it was like the anticipation of what was going to happen was part of my punishment. I could have sworn he actually enjoyed drawing it out, no matter how much he used the age-old “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you” line.

As my father’s huge frame cast a shadow in the doorway, I couldn’t help averting my eyes and cowering into the couch a little.

“I told you I would find out what you did at that school,” he said, low but deadly. “I warned you that I always find out. And what did you do? You fell in with the Sodomites!”

“They’re not Sodomites, Dad,” I murmured. “They’re the only ones who were actually nice to me.”

“That boy Ethan tried to tell you who they were, and you chose not to heed my warning or his! Satan’s temptations come in all forms!” he exclaimed. “‘If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death!’”

Really? That was the best he could do? Because as far as I could tell, that wasn’t even going to happen in this case – not that I would have cared if it did. But it was beyond obvious that Ashton was head over heels for Kate. And she’d get there eventually, too. Actually, I had a feeling she alreadywasthere, but she just thought they were teasing when they talked about waiting for her to realize she was madly in love with them.

“Dad, they’re not gay,” I said quietly.

It wasn’t alie. It was just an omission of the whole truth about both of their sexual orientations.

His Bible landed a blow on the side of my head, and I bit my lip to muffle my whimpers. If anyone heard me crying out in here and came looking, I knew I’d get it even worse when we got home.

“Andwhen I walked into that room, you were succumbing to the desires of the flesh with that boy!” he continued. “‘But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it has run its course, brings forth death.’”

Wow. Now getting a hug was “succumbing to the desires of the flesh”? Really? What was next? I wasn’t allowed to even look in a boy’s general direction?

“Dad, Brendan was just giving me a hug because I was upset that Ethan was harassing me,” I protested.

“Donotfucking talk back to me, young lady!” he growled. “You are not allowed to participate in the children’s service tonight. You will come into the main service so I can keep an eye on you, since I obviously can’t trust you not to fall into temptation, even in the presence of other people of faith. And we’ll continue this when we get home.”

My eyes stung, and I swallowed the lump in my throat at the thought of not being able to spend time with my friends tonight just because I’d dared to make friends with the only people who were nice to me in Charleston High School. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, so I just nodded.

He whacked me with his Bible again. “You are to acknowledge my instruction verbally!”

“Yes, sir,” I said, barely above a whisper. “I understand.”

My dad turned and walked out of his office, and I stayed for a moment, taking deep breaths to compose myself. I knew I couldn’t let on to anyone what had happened in here. He’d told me numerous times that what happened in this office and at home was a family matter and it was not to be discussed with anyone else. I’d had to lie and explain away so many bumps and bruises to teachers and friends that it was just habit now. I’d faced the consequences of talking one too many times, and I knew better now.

Not even a minute after I took my seat, the pianist started playing. The choir director, Larry, stood up and motioned for the choir to stand as well, signaling the start of the service.

As they started to sing one of my favorite hymns, “Shine, Jesus, Shine,” I couldn’t help thinking about how ironic it was. It had been a long time since I’d seen Jesus’s light and love shining in this place. Now, all I saw here was hypocrisy and judgment. The loving and gracious God I’d been taught about in Sunday school for as long as I could remember seemed to have abandoned this congregation a long time ago.

* * *

“Darla. Bedroom. Now,” my dad barked at me as we walked back into the house. “Get ready for bed and wait for me to come discuss your punishment with you.”

“Can’t we just talk about this now, Dad?” I asked. “I’m tired, and I still have school tomorrow.”

I felt the sting of the slap on my face before I even registered that he’d raised his hand. I yelped and squeezed my eyes shut as I flinched away from him, and that only made him grab my hair and yank my head up.

“Open your fucking eyes and look at me!” he growled.

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