Page 44 of My Vows Are Sealed

I choked on a sob as more tears spilled over my cheeks, and he swiped them away. My resolve to obey my father was growing weaker and weaker by the second. With every word from Brendan, every gentle touch, I forgot a little more why I needed to stop whatever was happening between us from continuing. Why doing what my father said was so important. I mean, if I was going to be punished for my perceived transgressions, I might as well actually be guilty of them, right?

I took a few breaths for strength before speaking.

“It doesn’t matter what I want either,” I sobbed. “Can’t you see that? I don’t have a choice.”

He shook his head. “Youalwayshave a choice. It might not be easy. You might not see how it’s going to work out. But you always have a choice. I made my choice a long time ago, before I even realized that I’d made it. I chose you. And he made his choice the second he decided it was okay to lay even a finger on his beautiful, kind, smart, and talented daughter. So, the question is, what’syourchoice? Forget what I want. And forget what he wants, because he lost the right to have a say in this the second he made the choice to abuse you. What doyouwant, Dar?”

And just like that, the last remnants of my will to resist withered away. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Not when everything my father said and did to me felt more and more wrong by the day, while being with Brendan had never felt more right.

“You,” I sniffled. “I want you.”

Within less than a second, his lips were on mine, and this time, I didn’t freeze. I didn’t hesitate. I immediately started to move my lips with his, and it was just like…like muscle memory almost. Like I already knew what to do because I’d done it a thousand times before. Or like it was just programmed into my brain to know how to kiss Brendan.

His hand stayed on my face, while his other arm snaked around my waist and pulled me close, and he gently tugged my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking softly. I opened my mouth and slipped my tongue out, swiping at his lip, and the next thing I knew, his tongue was curling around mine. I couldn’t help the moan that rose up in my throat, and that just made him hold me tighter and deepen the kiss even more as he gave a quiet answering groan. It felt so incredibly right to be this close to him, and I never wanted it to end, but I eventually needed to breathe, so I unwillingly pulled back. But even when I did, he only let me catch my breath for a second before going for another, much briefer, kiss.

“Did that feel wrong?” he whispered.

“No,” I breathed without a second’s hesitation. Because it didn’t. It didn’t feel even a little bit wrong.

“That’s because it wasn’t. Love isn’t wrong, Dar. Your dad can quote all the Scripture in the world talking about howlustis wrong, and he’s right.Lustisn’t healthy. But what I feel for you? That’s something else entirely. God designed human beings to love. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ve even got a Bible verse of my own to prove it, from First Peter. ‘Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.’”

A tear leaked out of my eye, and he swiped it away. Of all the things I’d thought would happen when I walked into this room ten minutes ago, this wasn’t one of them. I didn’t think he’d tell me that he knew the truth about what my father was doing to me. I didn’t think he’d kiss me until I ran out of oxygen and tell me he loved me all over again. And thisfight. Oh, my gosh, this fight.

Was it possible to fall in love with the same person twice? Because if it was, it might have just happened to me.

“I know you’re scared,” he murmured. “I’m scared too. It won’t be easy, and I’m not going to lie, I don’t know what’s going to happen or how this is going to work out. But I have to believe it will. I have to believe that God wouldn’t have put you in my life and He wouldn’t have given me these feelings for you if we weren’t supposed to be together. So, will you take a leap of faith with me? Will you trust that He has a plan for us, even if we can’t see it right now?”

Somehow, hearing him frame it like that made a lightbulb turn on over my head. How many times over the past few months had I begged God to show me His plan for my life? How many times had I asked Him to help me because I couldn’t keep doing this alone anymore? What if Brendan was the answer to my prayers that I’d been waiting for?

“Yes,” I whispered, barely audible.

“Thank God,” he breathed, and his lips were back on mine.

This kiss was so different from the two kisses he’d given me before now. Those kisses felt like a plea, like he was begging me to understand how he felt about me. But this one? It was just pure love and joy and passion. Just like before, I felt myself drowning in the intensity of it, but this time, it was like he was throwing me a life raft and pulling me back onto the boat with him.

“I have wanted to do that since the first day of school,” he chuckled breathlessly when we broke apart.

I giggled. “You already did. On Saturday. And just now.”

He smiled and kissed my nose. Oh, my gosh, how had I never realized how adorable his dimples were? Seriously, they were the cutest thing ever.

“Nope. Those didn’t count,” he told me. “I wouldn’t take them back for the world, but neither of those were our first kiss.”

“What were they, then?” I chuckled.

“I don’t know. Practice?” he teased, flashing those dimples again.

I laughed, then sighed. “I don’t know how to do this, Brendan. My dad can’t find out. He dislocated my shoulder, rammed me into a door, and whipped me with a belt just for getting in a car with you. And I don’t want to know what literal interpretation he’d take of the punishment for adulterers and fornicators in the Bible if he finds out I’m dating you. Or whatever it is we’re doing, since I can’t actually go on a date with you.”

He let out a weak chuckle. “So we don’t let him find out. He doesn’t know what you do while you’re here at school. Pretty sure Peter and Marie aren’t going to say anything about what happens in the youth room, because I get the sense they’re about as happy with your dad as I am, and they don’t even know the half of it. And we might not have a normal relationship. I might not be able to take you to dinner or the movies or tell the entire world how crazy I am about you. But I don’t need normal. I just need you.”

Wrapping my good arm around his neck, I raised up on my toes, and he pulled me close again and met me halfway for another kiss, moaning quietly into my mouth as I let our tongues meet. I felt that moan all the way down to my bones, and it made my heart swell to know that he liked kissing me as much as I liked kissing him.

“I love you,” I murmured as we broke apart. “I’ve loved you since before I knew what love was.”

That earned me another of his adorable smiles, complete with the dimples I’d gotten so attached to in the past three minutes. And another kiss too.

“I love you too, baby,” he said softly. “So much. I wish you’d let me do something to help you. I hate knowing that you’re going back home to him after school.”

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