Page 42 of My Vows Are Sealed

“What? Snickerdoodles are delicious,” she giggled. “And it’s a funny word.”

I chuckled weakly. IwishedI could have my own phone line, but my dad barely let me talk on the phone at all as it was. Naomi had called me at home once a couple of years ago just to chat, and the first time she teased me about something and I laughed and countered it, he told me to find out what she wanted and hang up because I wasn’t allowed to have arguments over the phone. We hadn’t even been arguing, but there was no convincing my dad of that.

“Snickerdoodles are yummy,” I mumbled.

“Darla, does Brendan know about this? Any of it?” Kate asked. “Does he know why you turned him down on Saturday?”

I shook my head. “I can’t tell him. I just…I can’t. He asked me how I hurt myself at church yesterday, and I just told him what my parents said, but I could tell he didn’t buy it. He wanted to talk more, but I told him I couldn’t talk there. I said we’d talk today, but I still don’t know what to tell him.”

“The truth,” Ashton said. “Anyone with eyes – hell, anyonewithouteyes too – can see that boy is crazy about you. I get that you’re scared, but he needs to understand what’s happening with you. He needs to know why you said no.”

“And you know what?” Kate added. “The only reason your dad’s so adamant about making sure no one finds out what’s going on is because this is abuse. It’s illegal, and he could go to jail for a very long time if the right people find out about it and believe you. If you’re not ready to tell the cops, that’s not a choice we can make for you, but at least tell the guy who loves you.”

The guy who loves you.

I was still trying to wrap my head around that. I was still trying to wrap my head around the kiss and the fact that I’d broken Brendan’s heart. He was the last person in the world that I ever wanted to hurt, and I’d taken his heart and stomped all over it.

If he even wanted to do anything other than tell me to get lost when I saw him today, I knew Kate and Ashton were right. He deserved the truth. The whole truth.

* * *

Jesus, help me,I prayed as I walked toward the cafeteria.Give me strength. Take this pain away from me. Please. I can’t keep doing this anymore. I can’t.

Every breath felt like someone was jabbing a knife in my ribs. My shoulder was throbbing. My other arm was burning with muscle pain from carrying my thirty-to-forty-pound backpack all day. And to top it all off, my Tylenol had worn off about an hour ago, so I had no pain relief at all. I was lightheaded and I felt like I was about to pass out, but I was given very strict instructions by my father that I wasnotpermitted to visit the nurse’s office today. Because it wasn’t likethe whole dang schoolwasn’t seeing my injuries already or anything. I honestly had the feeling that it was less about that and more about him still wanting me to suffer. My mom had told him she’d call the cops on him if he even tried to administer any other punishments for what happened at the dance, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t milk this one for all it was worth, right?

Kate had carried my backpack for me to first period and second period, but I’d been on my own since then. And no one else had offered to help. They could all see how much pain I was in, and they just didn’t care. Because I was the weirdo. The outcast. The “Jesus freak.” I might as well have been carrying leprosy or the plague with the way they avoided me.

Oh, my gosh. How was I even supposed to carry my tray to the lunch table? I was operating with one hand, and that hand was being used. Not that I was even hungry. I was in too much pain to be hungry.

“Jesus,” I heard a familiar voice say in something between a gasp and a growl as he tried to take my backpack for me. “Let me get this, Dar.”

I released my hold on the bag and turned to look at Brendan as he shouldered it. He gave me a sad smile as he gently wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. I halfway collapsed against him because I was just so exhausted and in so much pain.

“Whoa,” he said softly. “You okay?”

I shook my head. “I’m going to pass out. Everything hurts.”

“I’ve got you,” he told me, tightening his hold. “Do you need me to take you to the nurse?”

“No,” I mumbled.

“Okay. Take a minute, and then we can go in and get whatever crap they’re trying to pass off as food today.”

“I think I might actually puke if I try to eat,” I sighed as I pulled out of his embrace. I couldn’t keep letting him do that. Not when I couldn’t be what he wanted. “Do you still want to talk?”

“Only if you’re up for it.”

“I just want to get it over with,” I muttered.

Whatever he had to say to me, I was almost positive I wasn’t going to like it. I’d just broken his heart, after all. And it wasn’t like anything had changed, except for my willingness to tell him why. If he even let me get that far.

“Okay. Come on. I know somewhere we’ll have a little privacy,” he said.

“Aren’t you going to get lunch?” I asked, confused.

“Nah. I’m not all that hungry either.”

He started walking in the direction of the gate I came in through every morning, and I followed him…into the shop classroom? The scent of sawdust invaded my nostrils the second we walked in, but the room was empty. Mr. Overstreet, the Carpentry teacher, wasn’t even in here.

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