Page 41 of My Vows Are Sealed

My mom quickly helped me get situated so I could semi-comfortably lie down, and then she shut my light off and left the room.

As I laid there in the darkness, beyond exhausted but in too much pain to be able to sleep, I kept replaying tonight’s events over and over again in my head. Not the nightmare I’d been subjected to when I got home, but what had happened at the dance. How I’d misread everything about the situation with Brendan and Heather, and how desperate he was for me to understand the truth.

I wished so much that things were different. I wished my father wasn’t so strict – or at least that he would understand thatnotall boys were out to take advantage of me. I wished I was free to choose my own path and decide my own future. I wished I had known what to say to Brendan tonight instead of just standing there like a deer in headlights. And, more than anything, I wished that I was in his arms right now.

I can’t do this anymore, Jesus,I prayed as the tears continued to stream down my face.I’m trying to keep my faith in You, but I’m scared and I’m so tired. I’m tired of the lies. I’m tired of my dad perverting Your Word to justify hurting me. I know You have plans for my life, Lord. You’ve promised that You have a plan for everyone. A plan for prosperity and hope and a future. Can You show me a glimpse of my plan? Please? Show me that something good will come out of all this pain and suffering. And give me the strength to keep fighting, because I don’t have any left.

Chapter 12

Darla

Dare You to Move

Wheezing and trying to breathe through the searing pain in my side, I carried my backpack by my side with the straps in a death grip so I wouldn’t drop it. I couldn’t carry it on my back because of my shoulder, and even slinging it over the opposite shoulder put too much pressure on the bad shoulder. So, instead, I was carrying it in my hand, which just exacerbated the pain in my side more.

I’d taken a double dose of Tylenol before I went to school today, but my parents would have had to send any pain medication, even over-the-counter, to the school for the nurse to dole out to me. And if the nurse was administering pain meds to me, then she’d see what they were for and start asking questions. So, because keeping the secret of how I’d gotten hurt was obviously more important than making it so I could possibly get through school today without passing out from pain, I wasn’t allowed to have any more pain meds until I got home.

By the time I got in the gate that the school bus let us off at, my stomach was turning and I was about to throw up from the sheer amount of pain I was in. I didn’t know how I was supposed to keep this up all day. If I hadn’t had my backpack, that might have been one thing, but I did.

Making my way toward the wall so I wasn’t in anyone’s way, I dropped my backpack on the ground and slid down onto the hard concrete ground as I attempted to catch my breath. Why did breathing hurt so bad? This couldn’t have been normal for a bruise, could it?

“Darla?” I heard Kate ask as she came to kneel next to me. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, my God, honey!” Ashton gasped as they crouched on my other side, touching my bad arm gently. “What happened to you?”

I didn’t know why, but the genuine concern in their voices was all it took to make the dam break. All of the pain, heartache, and confusion that I’d been keeping buried inside since Saturday night burst forth at once as I broke down in tears.

“It’s okay, hon,” Kate murmured as she started to pull me into her arms.

Another sob caught in my throat, and I cried out as a sharp pain shot up my side. She let go of me, and I slowly shifted so I could let her hug me.

“You’re okay, Darla,” she whispered. “We’ve got you.”

Ashton wrapped their arms around me from the other side, and both of my friends just let me cry for a few minutes. They didn’t ask questions and they didn’t judge me. They just let me get what I was feeling out. Maybe that was why I decided that I couldn’t keep skirting the truth with them like I’d been doing. They’d been such amazing friends to me, and they deserved to know everything.

“If…if I tell you guys something, can you promise to keep it between us?” I asked quietly.

“I’m offended that you even have to ask us that,” Ashton teased. “Of course.”

“I mean it,” I sniffled. “You’re going to want to tell someone. An adult. But you have to promise me you won’t. I’ll get in so much trouble if my parents find out I said anything, but I just…I can’t keep doing this. Not with you guys.”

“You can tell us anything,” Kate assured me. “It won’t leave here.”

So I did. I told themeverything. About my dad, about my mom, about my dad’s unwavering rule that I wasn’t allowed to eventhinkabout dating, about Brendan and what happened at the dance, and about how I’d gotten hurt. And the entire time, they didn’t say anything beyond the occasional gasp or “Oh, my God.” They just listened. When I was done talking, they gently hugged me again.

“Honey, I can’t…you need to get the police involved,” Ashton murmured, wiping away their own tears. “This isn’t okay. This is so many levels of not okay, I don’t even know where to start.”

“I can’t,” I sobbed. “I’ve tried talking to teachers and adults at church, and no one’s ever believed me. Or they did believe me at first, and then when they talked to my dad, he told them I was a pathological liar who made up stories for attention and they couldn’t believe a word that came out of my mouth. And, I mean, he’s the pastor, so they had no reason not to believe them. Then he hurt me even more for talking when we got home because my punishments are a private family matter and not to be shared with anyone. I just…I can’t risk it, Ash. If my mom wasn’t a retired nurse, I would have ended up in the ER on Saturday night as it is. I don’t want to know what’ll happen next time.”

“Listen, hon,” Kate sighed as she dried her eyes. “We’ll respect your decision, but can we at least help you come up with some sort of an escape plan? Just in case you need it?”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Those phone numbers we gave you when you first met us? They’re our own personal phone lines that hook up in our rooms. Both of us have one. If you need an escape or someone to call the cops for you, just call one of us and say…” Ashton trailed off.

“Snickerdoodle,” Kate piped up.

They looked at her like she had three heads. “Snickerdoodle?”

---