Page 140 of My Vows Are Sealed

Brendan squeezed my arm. “Okay. I’ll talk to the complex and see what it’ll take to get out of the lease.”

For the first time since we’d come home from the hospital, I actually felt hope bubbling up inside me again. Hope that maybe, just maybe, things might actually work out for us.

* * *

“Baby, I want you to be honest with me,” Brendan said as he climbed into bed and pulled me into his arms, enveloping me in a cocoon-like embrace. “Are you really okay with moving back into your parents’ house? I feel like your mom and I kind of put you on the spot earlier.”

I sighed, burrowing myself further into his arms. “I’m not going to lie and say it’s going to be easy, but that house doesn’t hold all bad memories for me. I made a lot of good memories with my mom there, and I made a lot of good memories with you and Nay there too. And I think we can chase away the ghosts of the past and make it a home full of love and happiness instead of fear and pain.”

He pulled back just enough to kiss me on the forehead, and I tilted my chin up for a real kiss, which he all-too-willingly gave me.

“What do you think about me taking the job at the church?” he asked.

“Is it what you want?”

“I think so? I don’t know. I’ve just been so focused on making sure that I can provide for you that I’ve never really thought about anything else. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like my job, but it’s long hours and weird schedules sometimes. I’ve just gotten lucky that I’ve had semi-normal hours with the past couple of projects. And I want to support you financially while you’re getting your education degree, but I also want to beherefor you. I want to make sure that you don’t feel like you’re raising this baby all by yourself while you’re also going to school full-time,” he mused.

“I mean, I think the job’s a good fit for you. You’ve always been amazing with kids, and all the kids at our church already love you and respect you. So if they’re willing to help you go to school and get your youth ministry degree, at least give the trial run a shot and see if it’s something you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life. I think you’ve spent so long putting me first and just focusing on how you could get me out of the bad situation I was in that you haven’t really taken the time to ask yourself whatyouwant. This is a chance for you to do that.”

“What I want isyou, Dar,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion as he pulled back to look at me. “You’re the only thing that matters to me. And I almost lost you. I can’t close my eyes at night and not see you curled up on the living room floor, fighting to your last breath to protect our baby. So the only thing that matters to me is making sure that I give both of you the best life I can. A life where you don’t want for anything and where you’re not living in fear every second of every day. This job is a way for me to be able to provide for you and be home with you most nights, and that’s what’s important to me.”

My heart melted and broke at the same time as I pulled him in for a kiss, pouring everything I felt for him into it. The confusion and uncertainty about the future, but also my faith and hope that God had a plan for us and would provide for us somehow. His hand slid down to the small of my back, pressing me further against him, and I slipped my hand under his shirt, trailing my fingers along his side, his back, and even his abs and chest. He sucked in a sharp breath as he slid his hand up my side, pushing my shirt up with it.

As I brought my lips back to his, instead of continuing my exploration upward, I slid my hand down his stomach and toyed with the hem of his boxers. I immediately mourned the loss of his hand on my skin as he reached down to grab my hand. I couldn’t explain why, but knowing that he didn’t want me right now the way I wanted him made tears sting my eyes. I knew it was irresponsible and I knew that the doctor had told me to take it easy, but the doctor hadn’t almost died. The doctor hadn’t watched the love of her life get led away from her in handcuffs for a crime he hadn’t committed. The doctor had absolutelyno ideawhat that felt like, so she couldn’t possibly understand my need to be close to my fiancé tonight.

“Baby, the doctor…” he trailed off.

“I know what the doctor said,” I whispered, my voice thick with my unshed tears. “But I almost died, Brendan. Our baby almost died. I watched you get led away from me in handcuffs while the police left me with the man who tried to kill me. And even though the danger’s over, everything’s changing all around me faster than I can keep up with. I need the one thing in my life that’s never changed. You won’t hurt me. I trust you.”

He hesitated for a minute, then rolled me onto my back and gently lifted me up so he could pull my nightshirt off. In the dim moonlight coming through the window, I saw his nostrils flare slightly as he looked down at me with my wrapped abdomen and fading bruises. His fingers hooked in my panties and he tugged them down and pulled them off before shedding his clothes and crawling between my legs, resting his weight on his arms, not letting me bear even an extra ounce of it.

“Everything in me is saying this is a horrible idea,” he sighed.

“I know,” I sniffled, unable to stop a tear from leaking out of my eye. “But I can’t help it. I need you.”

He wiped it away with his thumb and cupped my cheek in his hand as he kissed me with so much love and tenderness that it made another lump rise in my throat.

“I need you too, Dar,” he murmured against my lips. “More than you know. I’ve never been as scared in my whole life as I was on Saturday.”

He started to reach toward his nightstand, but I grabbed his hand and stopped him. There was no point in using protection now.

“I’m already pregnant,” I reminded him.

That earned me a chuckle and another kiss, and he bent one of my legs up slightly, tilting my hips upward, as he slid inside me. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out as I felt the pure ecstasy of finally being connected to him with no barriers between us.

“Oh, God,” I whispered, unable to speak any louder.

“You feel like heaven, baby,” he murmured, claiming my lips again. “I want you to let me do the work, okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me,” I insisted. “Make love to me, Brendan.”

I didn’t have to say that twice. His lips were back on mine as he proceeded to make slow, sweet, tender love to me. And for a little while, it was almost like nothing had changed. For a little while, we weren’t scared kids about to have a baby. I wasn’t scarred and damaged from a lifetime’s worth of trauma, and he wasn’t trying to figure out how to protect and take care of me and our child.

In this perfect moment, he was just a boy and I was just a girl, and the only thing that mattered was that we loved each other. Maybe we were young, and maybe we didn’t have a clue what the future held for us, but none of that mattered. If God had brought us this far, I knew He’d continue to see us through. He’d created the whole universe, and He’d made Brendan and I specifically for each other, so I knew He’d keep guiding us on the path He wanted us to follow.

And for once, when I looked down that path, I didn’t see any pain or fear. I just saw the happily ever after that we’d fought so hard for.

Epilogue

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