Page 242 of Out of Bounds

“No. You’re not listening tome.”

“That’s not even close to the same thing,” he repeated.

“How is it not?”

“Because mine pays the bills, Kassie.”

For a long moment, I stared at him, shocked. It wasn’t like he didn’t pay for things—he did—and it wasn’t like the actual football team wasn’t paying for my checks out of the graphic design department but the casual way he said that told me everything he felt about my major.

His face cleared and he gazed down at me, all the surprise on his face. “I didn’t mean that.”

“How long were you waiting to pull that out?” I mumbled.

“Kassie—”

“Ryan, I don’t have forty thousand people yelling my name every weekend,” I said slowly, hurt curling my words like a paper, lit with a flame. “But I’m twenty-one. I’m still in college. I haven’t even worked for a long term project yet, how could yousaythat?”

He gazed down at me, quiet.

“Just because I won’t make as much as you doesn’t mean my dreams aren’t important,” I whispered.

“I know.”

“No. You don’t.”

“That’s why I’d buy you an art studio.”

“But that’s not what I want. You know that.” I put my head in my hands, my stomach hurting. “God, I thought you did.”

“Kassie, I’m trying to think about our future.”

“No. You’re thinking aboutyourfuture.” I gestured between the two of us. “And I love you—I love you so fucking much I was willing to skip by your undermining me about the interview—butRyan. I thought you understood.” I squeezed my eyes shut, hurt so much, it was a physical ache in my chest.

His voice was soft. “Kassie.”

The doors opened and people started streaming out to the balcony from the ceremony. I shifted up against the balcony, uncomfortable with the audience. But they could be just what I needed.

Everything in me was telling me to unsheath the claws. There were ten things I could say that Iknewwould hurt him as badly as he’d hurt me. Even worse than that, I could feel another comment bubble up.

You’re right. You wouldn’t be a good dad.

But I flinched the moment I thought it and squeezed the balcony, harsh breaths tearing out of me. Oh my god. That would hurt him so goddamn badly, it sent a pang through my heart.

I swallowed, hard.

“I’m so sorry,” Ryan started to say but I stopped him.

“This is the part where I bitch you out in front of your friends,” I said, my voice shaky. “This is the part where I say something and you’ll regret all of this.”

Ryan was silent and when I glanced up, he watched me, his eyes soft.

I shook my head, barely able to brush the tears away. “But Ican’t. I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you. So why is it so goddamn easy for you to hurt me?”

More people were walking over to the balcony, talking and laughing together. I didn’t want to make a scene. It was so stupid but I didn’t want to embarrass him and that meant sweeping away the girlfriend with the running mascara because she didn’t think she’d need waterproof for tonight.

Quickly, I unclasped the bracelets off my wrist and shoved them into his suit pockets.

“Kassie, no.” He tried to stop me but I slipped away from him. “These are yours.”

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