Page 112 of Out of Bounds

Ryan stared down at me. "What are you talking about? Good at what?"

"All of it. Every—every bit of it. I’m sorry. I know you wanted to wait until December, but I think we both got what we wanted out of this." I tried to bypass him but he wasn’t having any of that. "We can move the breakup date and that’s that. Real simple."

"What did my mom say to you?"

She invited me to Christmas.

"Nothing! Your mom is probably the kindest person I’ve ever met and she loves you a lot and—and—"I can’t lie to her. "I’m not good at this, Ryan. I’m not like you!"

"Good atwhat?" he asked, dumbfounded.

Oh my god, was he serious? It was the obvious answer in the world.

"Putting on the front! Performing the schitck—doing this whole thing!” That wasn’t it though. That was only the first item on the checklist of things I personally sucked at. “I don’t knowshitabout football. I get morenowbut I’m not a step behind the other girlfriends, I’m like cities away,statesaway from them. Ryan, I’m not like them. I’m not blonde and perfect and—"

"I told you to stop reading those comments."

A harsh breath tore out of me. "It’s not just the comments, Ryan. People come up and say it.”

“You’re supposed totellme when that happens.”

“So you’ll what? Beat them up? How does that help out with the image?” I snapped my fingers, counting another thing. “Oh my god—I curse all the time in the stadium. I don’t mean to, it just happens. And I curse at the interviewers. And the reporters. And to all the goddamn people who come up to me and say shit about you, in class, out on campus, at the donor events. It drives me up the fucking wall. They talk about you like you’re a piece of meat." I had to look away from him. My stomach clenched too badly. "Like you’re not a person."

It was quiet in the meeting room. I refused to look at him.

"And your mom doesn’t know," I finished, swallowing hard.

I could see Ryan shift on his back leg in the corner of my vision. "It’s not like I didn’t want to tell her, Kassie. But we’re under a nondisclosure agreement."

"Oh my god, Ryan.” I sighed. “You told Adam and King about the fake relationship. I told Zariah. Nobody died. But that’s not even what I’m talking about—"

"Youwhat?" Ryan strode up to me, cutting the distance between us. Sometimes, I could forget how tall he was—how big he was—but I couldn’t ignore it with him inches away. He dropped his voice. "Adam and King knowing is different than some sophomore. You toldZariah?”

"I had to tell hersomething."

"You could’ve told her you were dating me, goddammit."

“She wouldn’t have believed that in a million years!” I shook my head, pinching the bridge of my nose. “That’s not even the big one that’s tripping me up—your family doesn’t know you’releaving. That’s what I can’t believe."

I wanted him to refute it, to say that was crazy, but Ryan was silent.

"Why?" I whispered.

He shifted on his back leg. "When I was a freshman, I sent her an email about the Romans’ mascot change and she accidentally forwarded it to a reporter. We’re keeping it quiet right now and I can’t be sure—"

"This isn’t just a mascot design. You’re her kid. And you’releaving."

“It’s not like that, Kassie.”

“How?”

“Kassie—”

“How could you do that to her?”

“Kassie,” he said, his voice firm. “I’m getting drafted to a professional team, They’ve always known this could happen. I’m not abandoning them. I’m not your parents.”

The silence was so heavy, it weighed down on me. You give someone a private piece of information and they throw it back in your face. I could feel the retorts on my tongue, things to launch at Ryan too, but I could barely breathe.

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