Page 26 of Starlight Mates

I doubt my father told her the exact truth, or she would not keep it silent, but whatever she knows has me nodding. She walks away and Onyx tips my chin up with his finger. “What truth did she just blackmail you with?”

“I don’t know,” I admit the truth. Kinda. “She spoke to my father, and he kept a lot of secrets from me. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. I don’t want the house or money or title. None of that shit interests me.”

“You sure?” He lowers his hand, but he doesn’t step away. “You could buy an army of pink Land Rovers and donate them to the city so I have to see the ugly things everywhere I look.” I burst into laughter that I feel all the way from my black heart to the tips of my toes. He laughs with me. He has the biggest smile on his face as he watches me. “I could listen to you laugh all day and night, Gwen.”

My cheeks brighten as he stares at me, every raw emotion in his eyes, and for a second, it’s like we don’t have the rejection between us. We are just people, bonded by the Gods and destined to be together. “Gwen…are you ever going to tell me what it was like for you out there? Tell me something about your life…about why you left.”

“No,” I whisper, knowing the single word will be like a slap in the face to him. His shoulders drop, and he looks away from me. “Let’s go back. I think it’s going to be a while, and we’ve got things to discuss before I leave you today.”

I wonder the entire trip back to the academy what he wants to discuss. He can’t know it was my Nexus who killed Ian, but maybe he figured something else out. My hands twitch to put the radio on or something to break the silence up, as it gets awkward too quickly. He walks me back to my room, through the academy, which is pretty quiet with everyone in lessons.

I open the door and he comes in, shutting the door behind him. Apparently, the rules don’t apply to my mates or everyone is too scared of them to say anything. “Annie is still in class…” I don’t know what else to say to him. She has made my bed up, and it’s tidy in here, no sign of bear fur. She is a good roommate and friend. Onyx is silent by the door, looking around the space, and something is wrong with him. I just don’t know what, but I get the feeling. “You can sit anywhere, if you want.”

Onyx sits on the edge of my bed while I lean on the wall by the window, waiting for him to say something. When he does, it shatters me. “My father thinks it’s about time I settle down. He has set up an arranged marriage for me with a wealthy Nexus who didn’t have any mates appear.” My heart cracks. It literally cracks in two. “But, fuck, I don’t want this. I don’t… You need to say the word and I’ll tell him no. You tell me there’s a chance. Anything. That you don’t hate me when you look at me. Tell me anything and I’ll stop it all. There are things going on inStarlight, and this marriage is my father’s idea of fixing shit, but he can’t make me.”

My Nexus roars, begging to take over, and I push her down. I squash her and harden my heart until I’m sure it can’t feel anything anymore. Monsters don’t deserve feelings. “I can’t. You should go for it and be happy. I rejected you and I stand by that choice. It was for the best for us all.”

He looks at me in pure disbelief that bleeds into anger. He is in my face, pressing me into the window and cupping my cheeks in a heartbeat. “Tell me why, Gwenieve. Why the fuck are you doing this to us all? I know you feel this.” He leans in, pressing his forehead against mine. “We…we could be everything to each other. We are bonded…and it’s real.”

I lift my eyes, looking at him. My Nexus battles me with every breath I take. “It’s not real. It’s just nothing anymore. I don’t want you.”

“How can you be so impassive?” He pushes his forehead into mine. “How can you not care? Sometimes…sometimes I feel like you’re lying to absolutely everyone, including yourself. Because I think you do care, and I think you want me just as fucking much as I want you. This bond, it isn’t nothing.”

Our mate bond isn’t nothing, but I am. I am nothing but a monster. “You’re wrong, Onyx. You don’t know me at all, and I think you should leave before I just end up hurting you more.”

He shakes his head as he backs up, and I immediately miss the connection of having him touch me. “Fine. Remember, you asked for this.” He goes to the door and yanks it open, only to slam it shut as he leaves me alone. The minute the door shuts, I burst into tears. This is the only way. My parents told me it’s the only way. My mates can’t know the truth of what I am, what my Nexus is. I know it’s the right thing to do, that he needs to move on from me…but why does it hurt so goddamn much?

Chapter

Twelve

The weeks seem to blur, and I’m thankful for a bit of normality when it’s always been rare for me. Even if normal means dealing with my rejected mates on a daily basis and the bear that sleeps on the floor in my room every night. I hate every lesson with Hollis. He picks on me and makes sure to embarrass me in front of my class at every chance he gets. If he isn’t harassing me in lessons, he is making out with Rochelle instead while I work out nearby. But that’s the only time I have to see him, so I count myself as lucky.

Rhodes’s lessons are always informative, and I feel like I’m learning a lot of new skills, though it’s hard to hide the fact that I know most of the training he’s teaching. I make sure to fail at least fifty per cent of his instruction so he doesn’t notice the truth. Alek’s lessons are on and off. He turns up to some of them. In others, he just leaves us alone to train with our Nex weapons. Other ranger trainees blame me for his disappearing acts and how he isn’t interested in training the class at all.

I haven’t seen Finn or Onyx in weeks, and I’m glad for it, even if my Nexus is not. She wants to see them…immediately. There haven’t been any rumours of Onyx’s engagement, and part of mehopes that means he said no to his father even when I couldn’t promise him anything.

There’s only been two students who have left the academy, one for unknown reasons. He was a shy boy, so maybe he just wasn’t up to it. The other left because he broke every bone in his body by accident, and it freaked him out so much he begged to leave, or he’d cry all day.

I find myself looking forward to going to the shelter with Rhodes the most. I get to look after the animals, specifically the cats in the cafe where I mostly work. I also get to see the pups and have cuddles. The white one has gotten big and chubby now, with thick fur, and a home is already waiting. The golden one, since the mother passed away, she’s not growing very well or thriving. Helen, a fellow worker, whispered to me that Rhodes specifically spends a lot of time hand feeding the golden one himself. She’s still limping around, and she is quite weak. No one has offered to adopt her yet, and she doesn’t even have a name.

Annie clears her throat and I shake my head. “I’m off to the funeral. I did ask if you could come, but with lockdowns and everything, dad said no.”

I don’t want to attend the funeral of the Nexus I killed, anyway. Annie is in an all-black dress with a fancy hat. “That’s okay. Give Sara a hug from me.”

We both smile at each other. This is a day of celebration for Sara, and only we three know it. I’m sure she will pretend well enough to be sad in front of the funeral, though. Annie already told me she is like a changed woman behind closed doors. “I will. I would have pushed my dad more on the funeral, but I am already pushing it with begging him to let you come to the game. I did ask about Harry, Mac and his wife for you. They have an apartment, and Harry has joined the college. They are okay.”

“I’m grateful for your help,” I remind her. They are okay, and as long as I don’t get caught, they still will be. “I’m going to go to Alek’s lesson, and I’ll see you afterwards?”

Annie pauses in the open doorway and really looks at me, searches for my Nexus in a way that only another Nexus can do. Her eyes slip into her own Nexus, a brilliant white colour before fading back to usual. “My Nexus wants me to bow to you. Why is that? Why…” She pauses. “Some might call Ian’s death an act of revenge by a hero.”

“Heroes aren’t monsters.”

She shrugs a shoulder. “Maybe the best ones are.”

Annie is wrong. They can’t be. I’m no hero and my Nexus certainly is not. I feel myself paling as Annie leaves, and I make myself leave next, shutting the door behind me. I follow behind a group, through to the gymnasium. Alek is in a bad mood. I can tell from the minute I walk in, like his mood is part of me. Usually, he waits for all of us to warm up before he starts barking at us to go and run. This morning, we don’t get time to stretch. Everyone in my class is smart enough to go straight outside and start running laps around the castle on the track. We end up running ten laps until every bit of my body is burning and rain has soaked my clothes to my skin. I squeeze my hair out as I breathlessly sit on the floor of the gymnasium with everyone else.

“You’re slow.” Alek’s disappointing voice echoes. “I’ve been discussing your year with the other tutors, and we all agree you are probably the slowest class we’ve had. We are going to change up our lessons earlier than planned.” He looks right at me for a second. “Tomorrow you’ll be working on your Nexus powers with me. We’ll be connecting to your Nexus in here, and hopefully, the Nexus in your chests are stronger. It’s been six weeks since you’ve come to the academy; therefore, most of you are caught up and have made a good enough bond with yourNex weapon of choice. Today, we will focus on your bond to your Nexus and make your Nexus aware that it needs to be coming out in our next lesson.”

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