Page 19 of Starlight Mates

“I can’t,” I whisper. “Friends. Nothing more. Ever, Rhodes.”

He gently tucks my hair behind my ear, and my body aches to lean into him. “Then I’ll wait until the day you want more.”

We will both be waiting for our graves, then. I turn away from him and go through the door, not daring to look back. “Thanks for the snacks and for cheering me up. I have studying to do.”

“Gwen, you didn’t tell me what happened?—”

I run again, and each time I run away from my mates, it cracks my heart just a bit more.

Chapter

Ten

Rhodes doesn’t drive some expensive piece of crap luxury car. No, he has got a four-wheel Jeep, which is far more comfy and doesn’t smell like new leather and male egos. It’s a two-seater, and the back is all filled with metal cages. Rhodes glances at me, driving through the pouring rain. “They’re not to put you in, if that’s what you’re worried about this afternoon.” I roll my eyes at his joke, and he laughs. “You did well in class today, but you’re holding back.”

“You pitted me against Annie, and she is tough,” I remind him. Rhodes’s class this morning was actually enjoyable. Hollis is brutal, but Rhodes, he is strict but instructive. I barely wanted to leave his class to go to history with Tutor Jettie, who waffled on about the stars in our solar system for two hours. Rhodes had us again for the afternoon class, and he made us all meditate for an hour before using our new skills of enjoying silence to figure out where a weapon is being thrown from in a dark room. I caught all four of the arrows shot my way, but Annie didn’t. She got hit in the leg, and I had to half carry her to the healers. There was a line at the healers by the end of Rhodes’s lesson. “Please tell me you aren’t planning to do the dark-room arrow-shooting again.”

Rhodes winks at me. “Not for you. It was too easy, almost like you can see in the dark.” I go silent. I can’t see in the dark, but my Nexus can sense things in the darkness. Rhodes picks up on my uncomfortable mood like we are mated and he can actually feel my emotions. “I don’t know how much you know about the rescue shelter, but there are some things I should update you on.”

“I know some. Annie’s told me that you go to expensive functions to raise money for it, and it was your mum’s thing,” I offer, shivering from the cold.

Rhodes turns the heater up to full blast. “Yeah, my mum opened it. My mum used to rescue animals and bring them home until my dad said enough was enough. He bought her the rescue and donated the first million to set it up, with a family friend adding the rest. She passed away before it could even be opened.”

I reach over, touching his forearm. “I’m sorry. I know what it is like to lose a parent, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

He looks at me, just for a second. “There are two memories that rip my heart out, and her death is one.” We both know what the other is. I remove my hand. Rhodes switches his gaze back to the road. “I was seven when she passed, and I wish I had more memories. Dad has had his lovers on and off, but no one serious. He said losing his Nexus mate froze his heart and it will never beat again for another. It’s the one time we have understood each other.”

I want to scream that I’m sorry. That I never wanted to hurt him. That he deserves so, so much better than me, but I don’t. I sit silent, like a coward. Rhodes turns right onto a dirt track road in the forest. “My mum’s best friend was the co-owner, who now fully runs it with me, but I’m more of a behind-the-scenes owner. I prefer working with the animals over shuffling paperwork and making money stretch. I go to the events purelyto raise money because my family name, Asura, works well for that. It’s not something I actually enjoy, to be honest with you.”

“It sounds like hell,” I admit. “Please don’t ask me to come with you to one.”

He laughs, the deep sound filling the truck. “I’ll keep it in mind for when you piss me off next. Anything else you don’t like?”

“Bugs.” I frown. I can’t bring myself to tell him about my fear of water yet. “And if you use them against me, I’ll hate you forever.”

“What did bugs do to you?” he jokes, but a memory of thousands of them crawling all over my skin as I scream flashes into my mind. My dinner threatens to rise in my throat, and I quickly look away to the window at the wide fields and remind myself I’m not back there. I’m alive. I got out.

Rhodes is silent for the rest of the short drive. The shelter is on this side of town, on the outskirts though, and nestled in a forest near the wall. I can hear the dogs barking halfway down the road towards the square warehouse-type building with a wooden-framed house built on the front of it, with many windows. There are fenced areas all to the left, and then the kennels right behind them. Out in the front is a gardener’s dream, a bursting flower garden leading from the car park to the front door where a lit-up sign for the rescue is displayed with Rhodes’s last name under it, along with the name Marum.

“Good afternoon, Rhodes!” a woman shouts as we climb out of the car, and I look over to see she is walking two Rottweilers. Behind her, a younger blonde teenager is walking a Shetland dog. “Marty is waiting inside for you.”

“Thanks, Sissel,” he hollers back, leading me through the garden. I notice how Sissel’s eyes stay on Rhodes longer than needed, and when her eyes flicker to me, she pales at whateveris on my face before hurrying off with the dogs, who bark loudly. Rhodes turns back and when he looks at me, he grins. “Ask.”

“Ask what?” I huff, crossing my arms. I know he might have had a relationship and they all will probably have relationships for years to come. I made my choice and I have to live with it. Monsters like me don’t get reverse harems and happy endings. We deserve to burn in hell.

Rhodes touches my back, flattening his palm, and his touch instantly calms me. “Ask anything and I’ll always tell you the truth. But for the record, I’ve not dated anyone. Ever.” Shock makes my mouth pop open, and then I shut it. “I was born for you. I am yours, even if you regret us forever.” He shrugs. “Even when I didn’t know you, I felt you in here.” He touches his chest, where his heart beats. “And I’m aware you have that Harris boy?—”

“Harry!” I interrupt. I should tell him Harry was never more than a friend. No one was ever more than a friend to me, because I…

He shrugs a shoulder. “Or you had other relationships. The thought of anyone touching you makes me want to rip every male’s eyes out and break their hands, but I accept you. I don’t come with any expectations, and I’m not Hollis. Ask next time. Don’t go into your mind and wander there.”

“Rhodes…” I whisper. He searches my face, and instead of making me give him an answer, he leans in and kisses my cheek. I close my eyes, enjoying every second his lips are on my skin. Of course, my Nexus decides this is the point to go for a catnap in the day and completely ignore my internal panic of how Rhodes is seeing right through me. How with his words and actions, he is stealing my heart from my chest. Rhodes takes my hand, linking our fingers like before, and leads me into the rescue.

In the reception, two Dobermans start growling at me the minute I walk in, and the woman with them has to walkaround us to escape through the door as Rhodes speaks to the receptionist, getting me a badge. I clip the badge onto my denim jacket as Rhodes opens a door to the inner kennels. The barking and the ear-ringing noise of the kennels is deafening, but Rhodes leads me into a small cat cafe at the front, where several people are sitting, with cats walking around or purring in their laps. “The cats in here can’t be re-homed due to needing medications or they are too old, so no one adopts them. This way, they get fuss and love, and people love cat cafes.”

I stroke the head of a black cat, who is the only one who comes near. He has a blue collar on and a bell that rattles when he bumps his head into my hand for more fuss. Black cats are never scared of me, and I’ve yet to understand the reason behind that. Maybe they are just the fearless, badass versions of cats that get badly treated by humans.

Rhodes tugs me along after a few minutes. “You can choose to work in the cafe if you want, or you can come back in the back here with the dogs and cats. We have a few rabbits, ferrets and hamsters, but they are usually adopted pretty quick. There are always jobs to be done either way. I’ll find something for you to do, but for today, just shadow me to get a feel for the rescue.”

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