Page 41 of Give Me All Of You

“I’m on the way.” I got up and didn’t have to say anything to my brother because he was following suit. It felt like I was floating as I got in my truck and speed out of the parking lot. I don’t remember stopping at one traffic light and I don’t even know if I stopped for any stop signs. I just had to get to the house before they took her body away from me.

When I pulled up to the house, Haze was right behind me, along with our parents. I went straight inside and into the guest room, where I found Teresa and Jalissa on either side of Lu, each holding her hand and crying. My feet were stuck. I couldn’t move. Even though I was prepared for this day, who can really be prepared for the death of a loved one? Watching her mother and sister cry over her lifeless body took a toll on me and I snapped.

“Fuuuck!” I punched the wall repeatedly.

“Rock! Bro, chill!” I heard Haze’s voice, but I was in a zone. I was fucking hurt. My heart was shattered and there was no way that I could repair it.

“Daddy!” Hearing my daughter’s cries broke me out of my trance. She was sitting in the chair beside her aunt and had tears running down her face. I’m positive she didn’t realize what was going on, but because of the way I just acted, she was more than likely scared.

“Get yourself together, son. You still have to be strong for your daughter,” my father said.

“I called the nurse,” my mother informed.

“And Knas ’nem on the way to pick her up,” Haze reported.

I couldn’t respond. What was I supposed to say?

I slowly walked over to her bed and Jalissa got up so that I could sit closer to her. Picking my baby up and sitting her in my lap, I grabbed Lu’s hand and kissed it.

“I know you were leaving us, but damn. I needed you to fight a little longer, Lu. What am I supposed to do without you?” I cried. “What is Peace supposed to do without you? She needs you, baby. I need you,” I cried. I didn’t give a fuck what nobody said. You could put the coldest gangster in a room with a bunch of killers and he won’t break a sweat. Put that same gangster in a room where his loved one lies lifeless and watch how fast he’s broken down to his knees.

I don’t know how long I sat there and cried. Peace eventually fell asleep in my arms, but I couldn’t move myself to lay her down.

“Baby, the men from the funeral home are here,” my mother came in to tell me. She took Peace from my arms and carried her upstairs to her room. I was relieved she was still asleep because I didn’t want her to see them carry her mother out covered in a sheet.

I looked up and saw Knasim and Knight walk through the door, along with two other men.

“Wassup, Rock. You have my condolences, brother. I know you already had her services planned out but don’t worry about the bill. We’ll cover it,” Knas stated.

“I can’t let y’all do that,” I protested.

“It’s already done,” he stated.

“Let us know if your or the family need anything. We got you,” Knight offered.

I only nodded because I was too focused on them unhooking Lu’s tubes to say anything. When they were about to lift her and place her on the gurney, I intervened.

“I got it,” was all I said before going to the bed and lifting her in my arms. I inhaled her scent as I held her tight. This would be the last time that I would be able to do this.

Once I placed her on the gurney, I kissed her lips before covering her body up with the white sheet. I followed closely behind them as they carried her outside. When they started loading into the back of the hearse, realization hit me that this was it. She was gone. I started moving toward the hearse. I had to get her. I wasn’t ready for her to leave me yet.

“Move,” I pushed the worker out of the way.

“Rakeem!” I heard my mother, but I couldn’t address her. I had to get Lu.

“Lu, get up, baby. Get up!” I yelled.

“We need to take her,” the other worker said as I tried to loosen the straps that were holding her down.

“Nigga, back the fuck up!” I barked.

“Bro, come on. Let them take her,” Haze reasoned.

“Nah. I need to take her back inside. She’ll be fine. I’ll get the doctor back over here and he’ll give her the medicine she needs, and she’ll be alright.” I tried convincing myself.

“Son.” That was my pops. “Come on, son. Let them do their job.” He and Haze were holding me back from going back into the truck.

Once I was out of the way, they shut the door and left. I struggled against my father and brother to get to Lu. All she needed was for me to make it better.

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