Page 88 of Movers and Shakers

“It’s no problem. Get some rest.” She said her goodbyes and then hung up.

“I just heard,” Juno said, walking into the room. “He’s an asshole.”

I looked at her and sighed. “Lila needs to disappear. So, I guess this makes my decision for me.”

“Do you think so?”

I slowly nodded, ignoring the way every part of my being hated this. “Yes. I should cut off this thing with Barry now.”

“Let’s invite him over,” Juno suggested. “The last thing you need to do is leave and be swarmed. Then we switch to Rose.”

“Yeah,” I said, though I felt a dread I couldn’t place. “Let’s get this over with.”

I texted Barry and then rushed to get ready. I tried to avoid all my thoughts about this decision. Fifteen minutes after the texts, he arrived just as I was finishing putting on my mascara.

“He told people where you were?” Barry asked the moment Juno opened the door.

“Technically, Mia did.” Juno shook her head and gestured to where I was on the couch, biting my lip.

My throat went dry the second I saw him. Juno looked between us, asking a silent question.

“Can you give us some privacy?” I asked.

“Of course. I’ll be outside in case anyone shows up.”

“Paparazzi are coming, aren’t they?” Barry asked.

“Yes, a lot. With the album nearly done and this news, they’re dying to get the first photos of me. I can’t be seen.”

“Or you can tell them to fuck right off like they deserve.”

I let out a long sigh. “That doesn’t make them stop. They all just want photos. It’s easier to give them that and keep walking.”

“Okay,” he said. “Does Juno need help with that? I could—‍”

I closed my eyes. Of course he’d want to help. Of course he wouldn’t be scared off.

“Barry, you can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because this life is like a . . .‍” I remembered the words Mom called it many years ago. “This is like a tornado. It will rip apart every aspect of your life if you’re seen with me.”

“I don’t care.”

My heart pounded in my chest. He didn’tcare?When life was like this, it was miserable being Lila. It would have ruined my life if I hadn’t done this the way I had. I thought of Mom’s panic attacks from when she saw me getting stormed by the media. I thought of everything I’d done to separate Rose from Lila and how it could ruin everything with Barry.

Besides, he said he didn’t carenow, but he would in five months when it never let up.

Yet, I wassotempted to say fuck it all and agree with him. It would have been so easy to.

“I can’t ask you for that,” I said slowly. “I just can’t.”

“But I can offer it. I’d love to be with you, Lila. Asyou.”

The words hurt so much that I looked away. I wanted it too. More than he knew.

But I wasn’tjustLila, and he could have so much more from me if I were someone else.

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