Page 52 of Movers and Shakers

And he never said anything?

“You have a kid?”

“Yes.”

“How old?”

“Eleven. Almost twelve.”

“Fuck. Almost twelve? You managed to keep that a secret for this long?”

“I didn’t know about him.”

“What do you mean you didn’tknow?”I was realizing just how much worse this was.

“I mean, I was told. But I turned her away, I guess.”

“There isn’t any guessing here, Tom.” I’d thought lowly of my brother, but I always hoped that he wouldn’t do this.

There was no way he wouldleavea child out there. Dad was a piece of shit, but even he didn’tleaveus, even if it would have been better if he had.

“She told me through an email that I don’t remember,” he explained. “I’ve tried to, but I don’t. I don’t remember most of college.”

“I wonder why.” I rolled my eyes. “Alcohol is a dangerous thing. A little is fine, but you were getting smashed every night for years. That does lasting damage.”

“I know. And I’ve stopped.”

“Yeah. Good for you. Except it’s twelve years too late. Knowing about Lila Wilde, even if this kid is her biggest fan, isn’t going to fix this, you know.”

At least he had the decency to look like he felt bad about it.

My conscious was wrong about Tom. I shouldn’t have stuck around for him. Only Ruth was worth it. I needed to get out of here and never talk to him again.

“I know.” His voice was hard. “There is no apology, no gift,nothing,that can make up for it. All I can hope for is to know him for the time that his mother is tolerating me. I can’t make upfor what I’ve done, what I’ve missed, but I can’t sit here knowing about him now and leave him.”

“Then how could you have done it all those years ago?”

“I don’t know!” He snapped, his voice loud like Dad’s but shaking in a way I’d never heard before. “I don’tfuckingknow. She was . . . I remember her. I remember the one day we had like it was yesterday butnothingelse. I wish I had done something different. If I could go back in time and shake some sense into younger me, then I would. But all I know is at that time, Dad was on my ass about being the only Murray he deemed worthy, and I probably hid it so I wouldn’t disappoint him, or worse, get smacked around by him. It’s not an excuse, but I just want totryto be a good person this time. And I don’t know if I can.”

You’re still not wrong about him,the voice said.He regrets it.

Son of abitch.Just when I thought I knew him, he surprised me again. My family was good at that, apparently.

“That’s the most words I’ve ever heard you say.”

“What? Aren’t you supposed to yell at me some more?”

“I could, but you seem to know how bad you fucked up.” And then I did the math in my head. “And that was around the time that I started acting out so . . . maybe that was why Dad was harder on you. So, I’m sorry for that.”

I’d always annoyed our parents, but it really ramped up in ninth grade when Dad downplayed yet another one of my passing grades in favor of Tom’s and Ruth’s perfect performances. That was when he figured out that I would never be like him and I realized I was fucking done.

“It’s not your fault. It’s Dad’s, and it’s mine. I own up to it.”

“You’re being more mature than most.” I gave a small sigh as my feet pushed me forward and I took off my jacket. “Which is why I’ll tell you more about Lila, even the things most people don’t know.”

“I appreciate it,” I said. “But they have to be kid appropriate.”

“Duh.” What kind of a person did he think I was? “I mean the things real fans know.”

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