“Everything?”he asked. “Did you not do any of it yourself?”
“I-I mean, I wrote the songs and danced onstage.”
“Don’t you hold the record for the longest note held during a dance number? Against Broadway professionals?”
“Yes, but what does that have to do with the fans?”
“You’re forgetting that yourtalentgot you here. Sure, your fans bought your albums and saw your shows, but you made the thing they love. If you want to do more, then you can write more and do more shows, but only if you want to. But your personal life? That’syours.No one else’s. And besides—” He looked at my phone again. “Did you not see the ones who love the album?”
He turned my phone to me, displaying a comment saying that they loved the new sound.
“I saw some, but the bad ones outweigh the good.”
“Why does the bad outweigh the good?”
“Because they’re the ones who I need to get on my side. That’s how I got to where I am. I made everyone happy. It’s what—” As I started to say it, I stopped. It was whatMiaand Rick had told me to do.
“Exactly,” he said. “You made an album from your heart.Thatis what you owe the fans. Nothing else.”
“But Malia didn’t even tell me some were upset.”
“I can think of a few reasons why she didn’t.”
“But it was wrong not to tell me.”
“Yeah, it was. She did it to protect you, which historically, never works out.”
I looked at the ground, knowingIhad lied to protect someone, whether it be Barry or Mom.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go talk to Malia.”
“Talk to her? Why?”
“Because I find getting everything out in the open doeswondersfor making someone feel better.”
I let him pull me to the door, wondering if he had all the secrets to the universe. Because having him here made my problems seem solvable.
“Okay, let’s try it. But before you do,” I rushed to say, “maybe we should hide your hair or something.”
“Why?”
“We haven’t really decidedwhoyou’ll be with. If you wear a hat and maybe some sunglasses, you’ll look like part of my security team. It won’t work forever, but it will for a bit.”
“I don’t mind being seen with you and I don’t care what kind of shit people say about me.”
“I know, but this is a big decision. My life is a mess and I’m overwhelmed with everything and I’d hate to rush into something that we might regret later on.”
“Fine,” he said. “But I don’t know if a hat will work.”
“Oh, I can make it work. I am thequeenof hiding long hair. And Juno can be getting the car ready while we’re working on you.”
Malia was able to see me immediately. She guided me to her office and I sat with a nervous tremor shooting through my whole body. While I’d confronted Blaze, I’d been furious. This time, I wasn’t in the same headspace, which made this terrifying.
What if she was like Mia? What if she told me off for even feeling the way I did?
“Lila,” she said. “It’s good to hear from you. Who is this?”
“I’m Barry,” he said. “A friend.”