I jotted down what I wished I had said to Barry when I was on the bar’s rooftop. I poured my heart and soul into it, feeling only a little lighter once it was done.
Immediately, I knew the chords I wanted to use. I knew how the bridge would go. It all snapped into place.
When the plane landed, my heart was in my throat. I knew there were some paparazzi here. There always were whenever Lila’s jet landed. I’d had it stocked in another state for a bit but flew in under my other name to switch it up. Because people tracked it, I sometimes used a rental to avoid others knowing where I was.
Malia was waiting for me at the airport and smiled when she saw me.
“You flew out to New York?”
“I wanted to see you perform.” She gave me a tight hug. “How was hiding out? Did it help?”
“Kind of.”
“I don’t mean to push you, but we do have to start talking about touring soon if you want to have it ready in time for the scheduled dates.”
“Right, we have lots to do.” I knew I couldn’t stay in Nashville for long and it seemed my time was finally up. “But first this performance . . .” Dread filled me at the idea.
“Not excited?” she asked.
“I . . . I’m not in the right headspace. I don’t think I’m angry. I’m sad. I even wrote this.” I showed her my notebook, and her eyebrows raised.
“This is good. Sasha would love it.”
“It’s what I’m feeling. I messed up something good in Nashville but had to leave before I could say I’m sorry.”
Malia’s lips pressed together. “You know, your fans are happiest when youfeelwhat you sing. You could perform this.”
“It’s not even on the album. Plus, you said I should monopolize on ‘Goodbye, Good Riddance’ being number two.”
“But it could be a bonus track—if you go record it right after this. And any performance you do is going to make waves.”
“That isn’t how I usually do things,” I said. “But . . . I’d love to perform it.”
“Do you have everything you need to do it?”
“I do,” I replied.
“Good. We can have it out in a few days. Let’s go get ready.”
I nodded, and as she walked off, I thought of Barry. I doubted he would even see this or if he would even care. But it was my apology, and until I knew he was okay with me apologizing in person, this would have to be a good start.
Barry
“Jesus, man,” Tom said, lifting the last weight. “You’re probably the only one who works out more than me.”
I refused to admit it, but my arms were sore too. I just didn’t want to feel the mix of all the emotions from the day.
Tom looked across the empty gym. “Want to talk about it?”
“It’s a long story.”
“Yeah, but I have time. Max said that teaching his grandma to play Mario Kart was a long process.”
I sighed. “It’s just . . . still hard to open up about things.”
“Take all the time you need.” Tom started to walk away, but the words spilled out of me before I could stop them.
“I got lied to by Lila. And I’m mad.”