Page 8 of The Laughing Game

Vihaal regarded me with those stunning green-blue eyes. “I’m very glad you didn’t hurt yourself.”

“Takes more than that to make a mark on me,” I said, but only Gideon laughed.

I almost choked on my tongue while Vihaal looked me over.

I had to get out of here.

“Well then, have a good time,” I said. “I’ve got to get home.”

I made a hasty exit, making sure to be careful as I went outside and down the steps in the snowy darkness. The door shut behind me and I stopped, gulping deep breaths of frigid air.

I looked at the closed doors of Maverick Molly’s. Part of me wanted to turn around and go back in, to join Vihaal and Gideon in the gaming parlor before they went to the Bordello. But they were on a date, or so it seemed, and maybe they would head directly to the back to do…whatever they did there.

I started walking again, imagining whatnasty thingsGideonfucking lovedhaving done to him,and unable to stop the thought that came unbidden to my mind. Namely, that the view of Vihaal from my knees had not been so bad.

My car coughed and spluttered when I turned the key and I realized I’d need to take it in for a check-up soon. It was on its last legs but I was procrastinating shopping for a new one. I didn’t want to research the options and go back to having a monthly car payment, although at this point that might be less expensive than maintaining this car.

As I drove I contemplated everything I’d learned from Jacob and Sebastian, while becoming progressively more distracted and horny. Now that I’d admitted thatmaybeI was physically attracted to two men whom I’d gotten to know over the past few months, my body had taken over like a dog let off leash for the first time.

It might have been the lingering effect of realizing I was attracted to them, and coming face-to-face—or face-to-leg—with them afterward. It also didn’t make a whit of a difference that I’d had my dick sucked and more the night before. That all paled in comparison to the way I felt now, and I wondered whatthatmeant.

My modest townhome was about a fifteen-minute drive from the club. It didn’t look like much from the outside—or from the inside either, if I was being honest. But it was mine and it kept me and my two cats comfy and warm.

I felt relief at being home and somewhere familiar, and my cats greeted me at the door as if they’d never been fed in theirlives. I felt like I was already a different person, because I’d finally realized something important about myself. Even though I didn’t know if I was going to act on these unusual but undeniable feelings.

You’re going to act on these feelings, a voice inside my head said in a smug tone, and I knew it was true.

A sudden realization hit me.

That when I’d been on my knees in the hallway at Maverick Molly’s, staring up at Vihaal and Gideon, I’d been much more turned on than I’d been with the redhead from last night, even when she’d been naked in my bed and I’d known we were about to fuck.

What didthatsay about me?

I fed the cats, then took the half-drunk bottle of Chardonnay out of the fridge, pouring what was left into a tumbler-sized glass. This was no time for half measures. I put the now empty bottle on the counter and took the glass into the living room, sitting on the couch and absently picking up the remote control. For the next fifteen minutes I flipped through channels and drank the wine, until a sense of ease came over me. Maybe it was time that I faced the truth—that I wasn’t only attracted to women, and that I had a thing for Gideon and Vihaal.

It seemed like I was the last to know. I didn’t carry any internalized homophobia—my parents had been very openminded. In fact, my mother was bisexual—although now past the point of acting on it—and both of my parents had been open about sexuality and gender non-conforming people. My mom would speak fondly of her university days and the girlfriends she’d had during that time of her life. It occurred to me that refusing to entertain any departure from the straight narrative might have been my own small way of rebelling against my, admittedly unusual, upbringing. But I was thirty-six, andapparently my horizons were begging to be expanded. It was time I gave those feelings room to grow.

A sense of anticipation and excitement began to replace the feeling of being thrown off course, and upside down. Life was full of promise.

* * * *

I sat with this new awareness for two days, wondering what the hell to do or how to go about approaching the men with whom I was obsessing.

On the third day, as I was tidying the kitchen after lunch, my phone vibrated with Vihaal’s number. The amount of joy that hit me when his name showed on the screen of my phone informed me that, for whatever reason, I had become very, very fond of him and Gideon. Then again, there was also nervousness, because Vihaal was an imposing and commanding presence. And I wanted to impress him.

“Hey,” I said, trying to act casual. “Vihaal.”

“Angel.”

The sound of our breaths filled the silence. I tried to think of something to say.

“I heard you and Gideon had a bet going.”

What the fuck am I doing?

There was silence, then Vihaal started to laugh.

“He knows about our bet,” Vihaal said, and it took me a second to realize he wasn’t speaking to me.

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