Page 55 of Surrender

“Oh, hey—you got your hair cut! It looks nice. I’m glad you went with a fade, like last time. And that thing is a skin care tool. You put it in the fridge to chill it, and then you run it over your face to increase circulation and decrease puffiness.” I chuckled at that, and he said, “I realize your entire grooming routine consists of a bar of soap, because I’ve been in your bathroom. But some of us need more help than that.”

“You don’t need this much help. You probably don’t even use most of this stuff.”

“Sure I do. I pared it down to my essentials before I moved.”

I picked up a tiny, dark brown bottle and read the label. “So, every day, you apply something called supercharged antiaging under eye emollient?”

“Of course.”

I grinned and returned the bottle to his collection. “You think you know a person.”

“Just for that, I’m going to subject you to my entire self-care routine this weekend—face masks, mani-pedis, the works. When I’m done, I’ll bet you feel amazing.”

“I’ll certainly feel moist. You have nine different moisturizers here. Do you really need a different cream for your neck and your face?”

“Yes, because the skin is totally different.”

“Is it, though?”

He chuckled and said, “Since you clearly have some time on your hands, you should come here.”

“This early? It’s barely four, and you said you had a lot of work to do.”

“You can help me.”

“Love to. I’ll see you soon.”

After we ended the call, I found myself smiling as I returned to my room. When Ever first moved in, I’d been acutely aware of how very different we were. This glimpse at his grooming routine was a reminder of that. But instead of thinking we couldn’t possibly make sense together, I found our differences interesting and entertaining. I liked to think we balanced each other, somehow.

Once I was dressed, I slung a messenger bag over my shoulder, went into the bathroom, and took a look in the mirror. I’d gone with my best pair of jeans and a white T-shirt, with Ever’s beautiful, fine-gauge sweater layered over it. I’d prepped and primped and done all I could. I was ready for tonight.

I collected several of my drugstore purchases from the bathroom counter and loaded them into the bag. This included three types of lube, tissues, wet wipes, and two different brands of condoms. Now that I’d finally made up my mind to take this step with Ever, I didn’t want some minor detail to derail my plans.

Okay, so the rubbers probably weren’t necessary. Ever and I both got tested regularly, and we’d shared our results with each other. I knew we were both negative across the board, and I also knew I had no intention of sleeping with anyone but him. But I included them anyway, in case using them made him more comfortable.

Once the bag was packed, I took a deep breath and met my gaze in the mirror. I was definitely nervous. But it was time to let go of fear and surrender.

To my deepest desires.

To the possibility of a relationship.

To love.

I wasn’t sure how he’d react, but one thing was certain. Everything was going to change after tonight.

16

Ever

This was a big night. Tracy must have felt it, too. He’d gotten a haircut and messaged me to borrow some clothes and hair products, which meant he was treating it like a special occasion, same as me.

In my case, it was more than the one-year anniversary of the night we’d met. There was a lot I’d been wanting to say to him, and there was something I needed to show him, and tonight was the night.

I’d known for a long time that we were so much more than friends with benefits. Tracy was everything to me. He’d said early on that he didn’t want a relationship, but I’d said the same thing and I’d totally changed my mind. I hoped he had, too.

It was tough to know how this conversation was going to go over. Tracy held his cards very close to his chest, so I was never sure about what he was thinking. But he needed to know how I felt.

After we ended our video call, I couldn’t concentrate on the task at hand. I’d been trying to finalize some banner designs, but I could do that later. I left my office and paced around the ground floor while I waited for Tracy to arrive.

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