Page 5 of Surrender

“That’s all I’ve got off the top of my head, but I’m sure you’ll find some common ground. I’ll admit, Ever’s a lot at first, but give him a chance. And remember, it’s not forever. In a few weeks, his new place will be finished, and then he’ll be out of your hair.”

“You think we’re going to hate each other, don’t you?”

Roger hesitated before saying, “Let’s just try to be optimistic, mate.”

We spoke for a few more minutes, until his boyfriend called him to breakfast. After we said goodbye, I placed my phone on the paperback I’d been reading and looked around.

The apartment and I didn’t match, tonight more than ever. Since I was by myself and didn’t have to worry about what anyone thought of me, I was sporting a two-day-old beard and wearing ratty sweats that should have been thrown out years ago. To complete the look, I’d wrapped a blanket around myself like a shawl.

This was a strong contrast to the pristine apartment, which was a modern, sophisticated work of art in black, white, and gray. It had taken me a long time to feel comfortable here, and even longer for Roger and me to go from landlord and tenant to friends. I was thrilled for him because he and Callum were happy and deeply in love, but I was going to miss him.

It happened a lot—I made a friend, which took a while because I wasn’t exactly the most open and outgoing person on the planet, and then they met someone and everything changed. In Roger’s case, it meant moving five thousand miles away, which put an end to a lot of shared meals and rambling chats. His companionship had meant a lot to me.

As much as I dreaded sharing the apartment with a stranger, maybe it was a good thing someone was moving in. Until Roger’s phone call, I hadn’t said a word since leaving work two days ago.My tendency to isolate myself started to become a problem when I was living alone.

I got up and crossed the room, still wrapped in the blanket shawl. A burst of cold air met me when I opened the sliding glass door, but I stepped out onto the balcony anyway and took a deep breath.

It was Friday night and the last weekend in October, so the city was crackling with energy. Traffic noise drifted up from street level, and dance music filled the air from the shorter building across the street, where a rooftop Halloween party was in full swing. Dozens of people in costumes were dancing, chatting, and generally living it up, not that any of it appealed to me.

I had the opposite of FOMO. Instead of fear of missing out, I had GTBH, glad to be home. I’d actually been invited to a party tonight, but I’d made an excuse to get out of it.

What I needed and wanted wasn’t going to be found in a big group of people. Instead, I caught a glimpse of it unfolding in a private corner of that roof, where two men had snuck away from the party and were wrapped up in a passionate embrace.

Seeing that made my heart ache. It pushed all of my loneliness to the surface, where it sat heavily on my chest and made it hard to breathe.

I turned my back to the city and the party and that couple, and went back inside. When I shut the door, it was quiet again. Too quiet.

For a minute, I considered logging on to a hookup app and finding myself someone to get me through the night. It had taken a few months after that disastrous night with “Sven” back in February to gather the nerve to get back out there, but eventually I’d been desperate enough to give it another go. The handful of hookups since then had been nothing special, and they always left me wanting.

Instead of subjecting myself to yet another meaningless encounter, I returned to the couch, picked up my book, and drew the blanket around me more securely. Then I tried to shove the lid back down on all the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm me.

2

Tracy

On Sunday afternoon, I deep-cleaned the already spotless apartment while waiting for Everett to arrive. Since he was driving up from L.A. and I didn’t know what time he’d left, there was no way of pinpointing when he’d get here. All I could do was keep busy and try not to let my nerves get the better of me.

Logically, I knew there was no reason to worry. Roger liked this guy, so he probably wasn’t an asshole. Even if he was, it didn’t matter much. The next few weeks would pass, and Everett would move on. It didn’t have to be a big deal.

Still though, I had my concerns. I didn’t do well with new people, new situations, or change in general, and it was only getting worse with age. If I was this set in my ways at thirty-six, I had to wonder what I’d be like ten or twenty years from now. It was easy to picture myself in a kind of self-imposed time loop, living each day exactly like the one before it.

Somehow, that idea wasn’t nearly as troubling as it should have been.

A loud knock pulled me out of my thoughts. I’d been sweeping the floor under the stove because I’d run out of thingsto clean, so I quickly moved the appliance back into place before hurrying to the foyer.

All I could see of my new roommate when I opened the door were two hands and a pair of tan, muscular legs. He was carrying a towering stack of cardboard boxes labeled “Phil,” and for some reason he was also clutching a six-foot-tall fake upholstered cactus. I had to wonder how he’d made it from the basement parking garage like that.

A deep voice said, “Hey, I’m Ever. Am I in the right place?”

“Yeah, you are. Let me help you.”

“Thanks. Grab the cactus, I’ve got the rest.”

I did as he asked, but it didn’t help much. As he followed me into the apartment, a box fell off the pile with a loud crash. “Shoot,” he muttered, “that sounded bad.”

He put down the rest of the boxes while I tried to choose a spot for the cactus. I ended up positioning it in a corner beside a potted Ficus tree before turning to my new roommate. He was crouched down with his back to me, shaking the box that had fallen. The way it rattled sounded like it was full of broken dishes.

Some kind of motion drew my attention to the plastic backpack he was wearing, which looked like a prop from a low-budget sci-fi movie. It was big, red, and bulbous, with a domed window on the front and rows of mesh portholes down both sides. Suddenly, a creature with a triangular head and huge, yellow eyes appeared in that window. I reflexively took a step back and blurted, “What is that?”

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