Page 45 of Surrender

“London seems like such an interesting city. I’ve never been.” I turned to Tracy and tried to draw him into the conversation. “Have you?”

I had no idea I was opening a can of worms with that question. Tracy didn’t look at me as he muttered, “After my breakdown and hospital stay, my father pulled some strings and got me assigned to a desk job at the embassy. I guess he thought it would be a good place to hide me away.”

A note of frustration crept into his father’s voice. “I thought the change of scenery would be good for you.”

“I should have taken a medical discharge after I got out of the hospital. I don’t know why I let you talk me into finishing my contract.”

“We both thought it was the best decision at the time.”

A muscle worked in Tracy’s jaw as he muttered, “No,youthought it was the best decision.”

“Yes, I did. It was important to finish out your obligation. Besides, how would I have explained a medical discharge?”

Tracy looked pained as he asked, “Explained it to who, your Army buddies?”

“To everyone! What happened was your personal business, and not something I chose to discuss.”

“Because you were ashamed of me.”

The words hung in the air. His father looked guilty and didn’t try to deny it. I had no idea what to say, or how to steer the conversation back on track.

Fortunately, the waiter returned just then with our drinks. The moment the wine hit the table, Hector and I tossed it back. I wished it was something stronger. When the waiter asked if we were ready to order, all three of us picked up our menus and ordered the first things we saw.

When we were alone again, Hector took a stab at changing the subject. “So, Everett. What do you do for a living?”

I was more than happy to take the ball and run with it. “I used to own a gym in L.A., but I sold it earlier this year. Now I’m building one here in San Francisco that’s four times the size.”

As Hector asked some questions and I told him all about my fitness center, Tracy’s posture relaxed—just a little. We managed to make it through dinner this way. I felt bad about dominating the conversation, but both father and son seemed more than fine with it.

At the end of the meal, all of us declined coffee and dessert, and Tracy excused himself to go to the men’s room. As soon as he was gone, Hector turned to me and said, “You’re his boyfriend, aren’t you?”

“It, um… it’s complicated.”

“It’s okay. I know Tracy probably told you not to say anything, because he thinks I don’t approve. I’ll admit, it’s odd for me, since he’s never introduced me to anyone before. But you seem like a good man.”

“Why did you wait until he was gone to say that?”

“I figured it would make him uncomfortable. We’ve never been close, and I worry about saying the wrong thing and making everything even worse.”

“What do you think is preventing you two from being close?”

“A lifetime of history, I suppose. When he was a kid, he and his mom were very close, and I was only able to spend time with him between deployments. Then, after she died, we were both devastated. I couldn’t give him the support he needed, because Iwas going through it, too. He was only ten years old at the time, poor kid. I remarried as soon as I could because he needed a mother, but he never bonded with either of my ex-wives, or the girlfriends I brought around later. I think it actually made things worse instead of better.”

It definitely had. Tracy must have felt abandoned over and over again, by the stepmothers and mother figures who disappeared from his life when they broke up with his dad. I knew from personal experience what those feelings could do to a person.

But I didn’t say any of that, of course. Instead, I told him, “You should talk to your son about this.”

“I don’t think he wants to hear what I have to say.”

“Sure he does.” When Hector didn’t reply, I said, “Come to our apartment for brunch tomorrow. It can just be a nice, casual meal, no pressure. Even if neither of you is ready for a big heart-to-heart, it’ll be good for you to spend some time together.”

“You two live together?”

“Yeah, as roommates.”

He’d already convinced himself that Tracy had sworn me to secrecy about our relationship, so he murmured, “Uh huh.” Then he said, “Tomorrow’s going to be pretty busy. I don’t think I have time to come over.” I thought that was bullshit, but I didn’t call him on it.

Tracy returned to the table and asked us, “Are you ready to go?”

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