Page 23 of Surrender

It turned out he was curled up on the bathroom floor. “You need to get up,” I told him.

“This feels good, nice and cold.” He patted the white tile floor. “I’m gonna sleep here.”

“Not on my watch. Work with me, Tracy.”

I grabbed his arm, and after a lot of cajoling, I managed to get him up and moving again. Once he was tucked into bed, I told him I’d be right back and went to the kitchen, where I filled a large sports bottle with water. I brought it back to his room and placed it on his nightstand with a bottle of ibuprofen as I told him, “Be sure to hydrate when you wake up. It probably won’t be enough to avoid a hangover, but it should dial it down a couple of notches.”

As I shut off the light, he asked, “Will you please stay until I fall asleep?”

“Sure.”

I took off my jacket and hung it on the back of a chair. Then I rolled back the sleeves of my dress shirt as I took a seat on the edge of his bed. “I’m going to hate myself so much in the morning,” he muttered. “I’ll be so embarrassed that I probably won’t be able to look you in the eye.”

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about. We all over-indulge from time to time.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“You really shouldn’t.”

He kept talking anyway. “Most of the time, when I find someone on the hookup apps, it’s not about sex. I mean, it sort of is. I really wanted to suck your cock the night I went to your hotel room. But even more than that, I wanted to feel your hands on my skin, and I secretly hoped you’d hold me afterwards.”

I admitted softly, “I would have liked that.”

“Do you think maybe you could hold me now, to make up for missing out that night?”

“I can definitely do that.”

I took off my loafers and slid under the covers, and he curled up with his head tucked under my chin. After a while, he whispered, “I’m sorry I’m so needy.”

I held him securely and told him, “Don’t apologize. I’m getting as much out of this as you are.” It really did feel amazing.

The next morning, I woke up alone in Tracy’s bed. After collecting my shoes and jacket, I went to find him.

It turned out he was deep cleaning the already spotless kitchen. “Good morning,” I said. “How do you feel?”

I expected him to be embarrassed, but instead he was… different somehow. “I’m fine. Sorry about last night.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t. I was self-indulgent and irresponsible. It won’t happen again.”

When he met my gaze, I could almost see the walls he’d pulled up around himself. He’d told me he’d gotten through his time in the military by shutting off his emotions. Seeing him do that now made my heart ache.

8

Tracy

It had taken Ever less than twenty-four hours to ruin my favorite gym. The photos he’d posted online that first day had been beautiful and artistic, and he’d waxed poetic about the place. By the next morning, it was totally overrun with overly excited fanboys and fangirls in spandex.

While this uptick in members was great news for Pete, the gym’s owner, it sucked for us regulars. I kept thinking the selfie crowd would quickly lose interest, but three weeks later, it was more crowded than ever. So much for my quiet, uninterrupted workout.

Even though they tied up all the equipment and made a show of exercising, these people weren’t there for the gym. Not really. They’d come to rub elbows—and of course, take pictures—with Ever, who they treated like a celebrity.

Watching him with his adoring public was fascinating. He was upbeat and unfailingly cheerful as he posed for countless photos, listened to everyone’s stories, and offered them advice and encouragement.

It was a good reminder not to read too much into it when he showed an interest in me. It wasn’t because I was special to him. That was just Ever being Ever.

After the night we went to the club and I got completely hammered, he’d been killing me with kindness. It had to be a pity thing. He thought I didn’t remember what I’d said and done that night, and while there were some hazy bits, I recalled far too much of it. I refused to come across as that needy ever again, so since that night, I’d tried to keep some distance between us—but not in a literal sense, since we were together all the time.

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