Page 36 of Fire & Ice

“I’m not drunk,” Tripp replies defensively, recovering quickly to tack on a sincere, “Sir,” that makes Leander’s heart ache for how much Tripp clearly wants andneedshim to be better than he’s been. Not that he’s likely even aware ofLeander’s failings—no, knowing Tripp, he’s surely blaming himself.

Leander clears his throat. “We don’t have rules requiring you to abstain from drinking prior to a scene, so you are not in trouble with me. For that.”

Perhaps Tripp is tipsier than he lets on because he snorts and averts his gaze, leaving Leander to raise a brow, grab him by the chin, and force eye contact. “What was that?”

It’s not unexpected when Tripp breaks, twisting away from Leander’s grasp like it burns and wrenching himself to his feet, stumbling a few steps away to fist a hand in his hair and swear. “Shit. I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t know what I was thinking, Lee. I gotta—”

“Sit,” Leander commands.

Tripp, with desperation in his eyes, hesitates but then finds his way over to Leander’s couch and plops down. He slumps forward, crossing both arms over his body self-consciously, and Leander doesn’t think he’s ever seen his friend look less like his overly-confident, proudly arrogant self. In response, Leander perches on the coffee table’s edge just in front of him, close enough that their knees touch. He pulls the blanket from the back of the couch, draping it around Tripp’s shoulders and encouraging him to pull it closed if he wants. He does.

“It’s Wednesday,” Leander says casually.

“I know. I know, Le—Sir. I’m sorry for blowing you off, or whatever, I just—”

Leander holds up a hand, and Tripp’s mouth snaps closed. “Good boy. That was not commentary on your behavior, it was a reminder that we agreed to a weekly discussion regarding our terms. Last Wednesday was the last time we did so. This weekhas been…challenging, to say the least, and I don’t think I can overstate the importance of this conversation.”

Tripp’s eyes dim slightly, but he nods, resigned, as Leander continues, “Normally, I’d ask for you to remove your collar, but I feel as if today, that is not a good idea.” Tripp just shrugs listlessly.

“This whole thing is about what you want, anyway,” he mutters, and while Leander strongly suspected he might feel that way—or at least, that the drop was feeding him those negative thoughts—it’s difficult to hear the accusation spoken aloud.

He controls his emotional response, and instead of chastising Tripp, Leander reaches out to take his hand where it’s white-knuckling the blanket. Thankfully, Tripp lets him, though he keeps his eyes fixed on the gas fireplace built into the far wall behind Leander’s head.

“I’ve really let you down,” Leander says quietly. “If you’re amenable, I’d like to share some things with you, and then you can respond however you see fit. For the purposes of this conversation only, you may call me whatever you like, and that includes insults and derogatory names, if they represent how you feel. Tripp,” Leander says, using his free hand to touch Tripp’s chin and feeling relieved when the man’s glassy eyes flicker to meet his own. “When you first put that collar on, I believe that it made you feel free. Something changed,Imade a misstep here. I need to help you understand that none of this is your fault.”

The set of Tripp’s jaw twitches minutely, and he blinks fiercely against what Leander would be willing to bet is a burning sensation behind his eyes. “Tripp, do you know that you’re in sub drop?”

The lines crossing Tripp’s forehead and in between his eyebrows deepen, and Tripp looks adorably confused. He opens his mouth to speak and then closes it again, apparently unsure, but Leander just waits patiently. “I don’t…uh, no? How is that even possible? We scened like, three days ago. I thought—”

“This is happening because of me,” Leander says bluntly. “I should have recognized that you were struggling on Saturday morning. I should never have let you leave. Trust that all I wanted was to respect your boundaries and the limitations set for both of our relationships, but that isnotan excuse. I should have known better. I should have erred on the side of caution. I didn’t meet your emotional needs as my submissive, and now you feel…”

Leander narrows his eyes and regards Tripp carefully. It would be immensely damaging to Tripp for him to project another incorrect assumption his way. However, knowing Tripp the way that he does, the last thing the headstrong man will want to do is give voice to his own perceived weaknesses. So Leandermustdo it for him, must hit the nail on the head so that Tripp can begin to process that he is not broken, that hecanfeel better, and that Leander may be relied upon to help him do exactly that.

“Rejected,” he finally offers, squeezing Tripp’s hand reassuringly. “Unworthy, perhaps. Like your value is tied up in your submission, and not who you are as a person. That those things are mutually exclusive, when they never, ever were. You’re irritated and cranky, everything in your life feels exponentially exhausting and more difficult to handle than usual. You are worried that you’re a burden to me, that you ask too much, that I feel trapped and possibly even tricked into showing you affection.”

As Leander finishes speaking, Tripp’s face transforms into an expression of puregrief,a single tear spilling out of his right eye and rolling slowly down his cheek. Leander wastes no time—he surges forward, climbing into Tripp’s lap to straddle his hips and frame his face with both hands.

“Are you my sub, Tripp?” he demands. “Are you?”

“Yes,” Tripp chokes out, nodding against Leander’s palms. “Yes, Sir.”

“I have one task for you, just one, and I need you to perform it perfectly, do you understand?” Tripp’s eyes slipped closed, but he nods, and Leander is so proud, so in awe of Tripp, considering their circumstances. “You are to tell me honestly and clearly, the truth about what youneedfrom me as a Dom, Tripp. Iknowthere is something that you have been afraid to ask for, but I am telling you, Iwantto give it to you. Youdeserve it,Tripp. Whatever you’ve been resisting giving voice to, you say it now.Letme give you what you need, Tripp. That is an order from your Dom. Do you understand?”

Sniffling and inhaling roughly around a swallowed sob, Tripp nods again as the tears spill freely, making beautiful tracks down his lovely face and turning Leander’s fingers damp. Tripp is sosoft,so vulnerable, and Leanderachesto be this close to him, to have him in his hands, so damaged and still so perfect. If it wouldn’t be totally inappropriate to what he’s trying to accomplish, he’d lick Tripp’s tears from his face and take him right here, just like this. Show him exactly how much he’s loved and cherished.

“It’s just,” Tripp starts and stops, letting his eyes flutter shut, wet lashes dark against his pale, freckled skin. “You don’t. You say that, but you don’t want this.” Leander shifts back on his heels, just enough to release Tripp’s face and grab his wrists instead, bringing them together between their chests.

“Tripp,” he says patiently. “Your thoughts are corrupted by the drop you’re experiencing, so I’ll forgive you this once for telling me what I do and don’t want. I will promise you this—ifwhatever you ask for is something I truly cannot do, then I will be honest with you about it. This is a two-way street.” After a brief pause, Leander borrows from Autumn and sends up a silent prayer of thanks to her for the assist. “I’m not new to this. Iknowhow to ensure that my own needs are met. Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Tripp hisses through gritted teeth, eyes pinched closed like he’s fighting some great, internal battle, and this is Tripp, so that may not be far off. He takes a deep breath and blows it out before opening his eyes and visibly steeling himself. “Lee,” he says cautiously. “Everything else you do for aftercare is great. But—I need you tostay.With me.”

“The night?” Leander replies quickly, unable to believe his ears.Thatis what Tripp wants? What’s caused all of this turmoil? Something Leander was denying himself because he assumed it wasn’t an activity Tripp was interested in, that it was a toe across the line he needed to draw in the sand—forbothof them.Seriously?!

“That—that’s all, are you sure? Be honest with me, Tripp.” He levels a stern glare down his nose and those bright green eyes blink back honestly as Tripp nods.

“I swear, Lee. I know it’s needy and annoying and there’s gotta be a million other—”

Leander cuts him off with a kiss, cupping his jaw and letting his tongue dart out to barely brush against the tip of Tripp’s before pulling away, leaving the man breathless and searching for more.

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