Page 26 of Fire & Ice

Seemingly shaking himself off, Leander returns the smile and rounds the bed to slide in beside him. “Anything particularly sore? I could massage you again, if you’d like.”

Finishing off the juice, Tripp leaves the bottle on the side table and turns into Leander’s chest, tucking himself flush against the man’s side without shame or hesitation. Fuck it—Tripp’s starting to get the hang of this give and take thing, and after last night, he’s not about to set himself up for failure in the form of major drop. If Lee is willing, then Tripp’s going to grabwhat he needs and hold on, and right now, what heneedsare some extremely unmanly cuddles. It’s just a fact, and he’s too damn tired to pretend that it’s not.

For a short moment, Leander tenses beneath him, leading Tripp to think that perhaps he’s made a mistake. Thankfully, after a second or two he relaxes completely, wrapping both arms around Tripp’s body and pulling him close. Lee settles back into the pillow with a contented sigh, and the way he curves into Tripp’s shape is both welcome and reassuring.

This is good, Tripp thinks. This is what I need.

Damn right, he’s going to take it.

***

Contrary to what Tripp expects after falling asleep in Lee's arms, the next time he wakes, he’s completely alone. As he pushes himself to a sitting position and runs a hand through the disastrous state of his hair, he can’t help but feel just a little bit frustrated. If this was a normal relationship, he’d ask Lee outright, like,hey man, is this hot and cold bullshit you’re doing intentional?Is this just how these kind of things go? Are you an asshole or am I just needy?Maybe just,Am I seeing shit that isn’t there, or what?

But what they’re doing isn’t “normal”, at least, not according to what Tripp is used to, and because he can’t think of a single, concrete example to point at in order to explain how Lee might be acting outside of their agreed-upon boundaries, calling him out feels dangerous.

So instead, he keeps his mouth shut, showers quietly, and pulls yesterday’s clothes back on his body. They’re the ones he changed into at the station, just something to ditch his work uniform, and they were off mere minutes after entering Lee'sapartment. By every reasonable standard, they’re basically clean, and yet somehow, they make Tripp feel a little bit dirty.

Because he’s heading home, he avoids using Lee's toothbrush again, opting to simply swish some mouthwash around his mouth and hope that Lee doesn’t want to kiss him goodbye. Or maybe it’s an excuse to get out of doing exactly that—Tripp’s not exactly in the best mood for self-reflection. As he stares at himself in the mirror, he makes the abrupt decision to take his collar off and to not give Lee the option, period.

Fully-dressed and fairly clean, Tripp finds the man in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on two enormous sandwiches that look stuffed to the brim with meats and cheeses. That offer alone would normally be enough to drop Tripp to his knees all over again, but standing here, considering it, he just feels…itchy.

Heshouldbe hungry. He hasn’t eaten anything since Lee hand-fed him last night, and it’s—what the hell time is it, anyway?

Checking his phone, Tripp realizes that it’s later than he expected, nearing three in the afternoon. That explains the sandwiches and probably Lee being out of bed, but Tripp can’t focus on anything logical right now. All of a sudden, he feels claustrophobic andcaged.He wants to be anywhere but here, in Leander's space and under his thumb, whether he’s wearing his collar or not.

It’s an unpleasant sensation, and while the rational part of Tripp knows that he wouldn’t trade the things they’ve done for all the normality in the world, there’s another part of him that just wants his friend Lee back.

“Hey,” he says, doing his best to sound casual and put together when he feels anything but those things. Across thekitchen and facing away, Leander starts at the noise, but he’s boasting a big smile on his face when he turns around. Better believe Tripp is looking for it, and he has to fight back a grimace when his top worry manifests, Lee's eyes flicking to his neck and registering the missing collar, his smile dimming accordingly.

It shakes Tripp—more than he’d like, and while he’sprettysure Lee doesn’t actually feel this way, it makeshimequate his self-worth to the collar and this submissive role he’s taken on.

Somewhere in the back of Tripp’s mind, he knows this isn’t right. Knows that the feelings and emotions coursing through him are something off-kilter, something he should communicate with Leander about and lean on him to fix. On the flip side, Trippalsofeels embarrassed and unsure, because how much of this isnormalsub-drop, and how much is intrinsically tied to his stupid emotions, the feelings he has for Leander that he’s been hiding and lying about almost constantly over the past few days?

Isn’t there a good chance he did this to himself? That he’s at fault here, for being stupid and selfish enough to jump into this type of relationship with a dude he’s secretlyin lovewith? Whatever the truth is, Tripp knows one thing for sure. He has to get the hell out of this apartment, right the fuck now. In fact, he barely registers Lee's “good morning,” or any of the other small talk he’s attempting to make. Heading straight for the front door, Tripp gives him the blatant brush-off and hopes that it doesn’t come off as harsh as it feels when he mumbles something about having places to be today.

“Oh,” Leander replies, disappointment clouding his face as he stands there in the little foyer, still shirtless and fiddling with his hands as Tripp pulls on his boots. His entire subdued demeanor only makes Tripp feel worse and more determinedto leave, before he makes a serious misstep or blurts something out that he can’t take back.

Leander clears his throat. “I was only—well, it’s just that you took your collar off and I thought, perhaps you might like to go to the bar tonight? You know, as friends, like we—”

“Yeah, no, not tonight, Lee.” Tripp cuts him off swiftly, breezily, though he pauses when he sees the obvious hurt on Leander’s face. “I’ve got plans with Beau,” he adds, trying to sound apologetic, relieved when Lee nods with supposed understanding.

“Of course,” he says, before patting his pockets absently—he’s wearing pajama pants and doesn’t have any—then looking around like he’s misplaced something. There’s a box sitting on the table beside the catch-all bowl, smaller than the one to which Tripp returns his collar, and Leander retrieves it. He holds the item out until Tripp accepts, albeit warily and with an eyebrow raised.

“It’s just something that I thought you should have,” Leander rushes to explain, suddenly looking shy.

Inside the box is a key. It’s a normal hardware store copy, but it features a cute version of the Maltese Cross and the fire symbology printed on both sides. It’s not hard to figure out that this is ahousekey, that it was specifically made forhim,not just anyone Lee might need to give one to. The gesture is thoughtful and miraculously does aid in assuaging some of the irritation bubbling beneath Tripp’s skin. This means that Lee has been thinking about him and his potential needs, and Tripp genuinely does appreciate that.

The gift forces him to stop for a moment, to slow down. To haul in a deep breath and then let it out slowly, to look Leander in the eyes at least once before leaving. When he does, what hefinds there is somewhat surprising—Leander looks unsure, too, and if Tripp didn’t know better, he might even use the wordvulnerable.

The realization has him stepping forward and tugging his friend into a hug, the significance of which should not be understated. Contact like this between them was rare before their arrangement—even the hug he gave Lee at the ER the other night was somewhat out of character, though he’d do it again in a heartbeat. Didn’t take a genius to see that Lee had really needed someone, there.

But this—a hug just because? Tripp is treading into dangerous waters, putting risky toes over the line in the sand, the boundary between theircontractand their friendship as it’s already been defined.

And yet, he can’t deny that it feels incredibly fuckinggood.Incrediblyright.Leander is solid and warm in his grasp, and he hasn’t showered so he smells musky and just faintly like sex, which is not unwelcome. More than that, he clings to Tripp, similar to the way he did the other night, his embrace full of both need and relief at being given something that he didn’t know he wanted.

When Tripp pulls away, Leander seems a little reluctant to let him go, but less sad overall. That change is enough for Tripp to feel comfortable putting himself first, which he really feels like he needs to do at the moment.

“Alright, Lee,” he says gently, extricating himself from Lee's grasp and stepping away. Raising his hand to wave as he opens the door, Tripp offers up what he hopes reads as a kind smile. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

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