Page 63 of Someone Like You

I nodded against his skin, sweat-slick and smelling so delicious I darted my tongue out to taste it. The roaring in my head had diminished to a dull hum that was slowly ebbing away with Brody’s continued whispers and touches. The panic was almost gone, too, and Brody kept me in his arms as he turned the shower on, never letting me go the entire time as he washed us both. Afterward, once he’d dried us off, he took me back to bed and sat against the headboard, still holding me.

I love you, too, I thought. Unable to get the words past my lips. Unable to tie him to me so irrevocably, when I was so messed up that I couldn’t even accept his love without having a panic attack. And god, my love for him—because yes, that’s undeniably what I felt for him, despite vehemently denying it—was only growing. I was terrified of all of this, but I knew that I wanted Brody way,waymore than I was afraid of loving him or being loved by him. I felt so needy and clingy, in the most unattractive way, but I still couldn’t bring myself to crawl out of his arms. Because that was the only place I ever wanted to be.

I tried to focus on what Dr. Varu had told me. And even more so what she’d said later—that it was Brody’s choice if he wanted to be with me, if he wanted to act on his feelings for me. Just as it was my choice to do the same, even when it came to believing that he truly meant what he said. Even believing that I was someone worthy of his love. Because it washischoice to make that judgment. For himself.

God I had a lot of work to do on myself. But I was willing to do it if it meant getting better and relieving Brody of some of the burden he’d taken on. Damn it, I guess my thoughts were where I needed to start, because I was already doing poorly if I was thinking of myself as a burden. But Christ if that’s how I didn’t feel in this moment.

“Isaac,” Brody murmured, placing a kiss on my head. “You’re thinking too loud.”

“I can’t help it,” I mumbled. “The way you make me feel is loud.” I inhaled a long breath and let it out. “I just wonder, if I’d had you eight years ago, how different things might’ve been for me.”

He brushed his hand down the side of my face, and I nuzzled into the touch. “You’ve got me now,” he said gently. “For however long you want me.”

Forever. I don’t think I’deverbe able to let him go.

Ever.

19

ISAAC

There was a month left of classes, and I was so ready to finally be done with it all. Don’t get me wrong, I loved school. I did. It was where I most excelled, where I was most comfortable, and to be honest, I was a little nervous about graduating and leaving this all behind. I’d debated going for my master’s, but put that aside for financial reasons. I just wanted a break from it all, too. Some time to find my footing and maybe get a job at a publishing company or something while I worked on my own content.

But I was ready to be done with this semester and finally graduate. And even more than that, I was ready to start my future. A future that looked like it would have a big, beautiful, tattooed man in it who, despite everything I was, loved me.

It had been three days since Brody’s confession, and I was still having trouble fully accepting it. I knew there was no magic formula that would whisk away my shame and make me feel like I was worthy of that love. It would just take time and a lot of self work.

After Brody had driven me home the next morning—way too early, but he had to go to work—I’d had a moment of doubt.A long, long moment that stretched into half a day where my negative self-talk had begun to spiral out of control until Jordan had stepped in and shut it down.

“You’re afraid of him loving you?” he’d asked.

“I just…” I said. “I guess I wasn’t prepared for it. And it freaked me out.”

“So you wouldn’t have freaked out if you were prepared for it?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.”

“Do you love him back?” Jordan asked quietly.

Yes.“Yes,” I whispered. “But I’m scared.”

“Why? If he treats you well and you love him, what is it, exactly, that’s getting in your way, hon?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough to keep someone forever,” I admitted quietly. “And that’s what love is. It’s forever. So when he decides he’s had enough, I’ll just be here, alone, still loving him.”

“Oh, Isaac,” Jordan said, hugging me tightly. “Youaregood enough. And if someone else can’t see that, then they weren’t the person for you. It’s as simple as that. But I think Brodyisyour person, and I couldn’t have chosen someone better for you if I’d made him myself.”

I’d walked away from that conversation feeling somewhat better, feeling less doubtful, and with a new realization: it wasn’tmewho was afraid of being loved. Not me, at my very core. Not at all. It was the demons lurking in my darkest depths, because if Brody cast that light on them and kept giving me all that bright, loud love, then they would wither into nothing. Just melt in the intensity of it all. They would have no purpose anymore.

Well, fuck those demons. I’d happily let them die. It was time to own up to my feelings. I’d tell Brody how I really felt, I’d tell him exactly what he meant to me, like I’d been too afraid to do on Saturday.

So I texted him, asking if we were still on for tomorrow. There were two more chapters in his book, after all. And I needed to feel that same closeness we’d shared on Saturday. Ineededhim inside me again, any way he’d have me.

He texted back almost immediately.

Brody:

Of course we are. Can’t wait to see you. <3

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