Page 57 of Someone Like You

“I will,” I told him. He kissed me once and left. I closed the door before I could stand there like a sorrowful sap and watch his taillights disappear into the edges of my reality. Before I could go running after him like a sad, dumb sack who didn’t know that no human could ever catch up to a car.

I missed him already.

When it was justthe two of us in our room, Jordan immediately brought up the incident with Gavin.

“Jamie told me everything. Iknewthat guy was an asshole. I knew there was a reason I never liked him!”

“Yeah,” I said. “It was pretty bad.”

“So? How hot was it, having Jamie come to your rescue? What did he look like, laying into Gavin? Tell me every single detail, Isaac, no matter how small or insignificant.”

“Um, hot isn’t the word I would use…” I said, laying down and staring at the ceiling. “More like terrifying. They were both really going at it. I’m just glad Joe and Ash came down and broke it up.”

“Did Jamie say anything about me? Anything at all?”

I looked at Jordan. “You have a thing for Jamie now? Since when? I thought you guys were just friends.”

“I mean, yeah, we are, totally just friends, but I wouldn’t be opposed to moving to the next level, if that’s something he wants. Did it seem like that was something he wanted?”

“Oh my god, you have a crush on Jamie!? Jordan, you’re ridiculous. He’s straight. You’re barking up the wrong tree. You’re in a completely differentforest. Don’t waste your time with that.”

He sighed dramatically. “Maybe so. But tell me, Isaac, why did I catch him checking out my ass a few weeks ago? And speaking of trees,” he said, before I could comment onthatlittle nugget of information, “How’s that big, sturdy oak of yours?”

“Wow. I think all that masturbating might have affected your IQ. Brody is not atree. If he’s anything in this analogy, he would be the sun or something. Big, bright, and beautiful.”

“I think all the sex you’ve been having has affectedyourIQ.”

I pursed my lips, then blew out a long breath. “We haven’t had sex yet,” I admitted.

Jordan squawked. “What!”

“Yeah, I mean, we’ve done literally everythingbutthat. Even though I told him I wanted to. A million times. He just kept saying I wasn’t ready.”

“Well, are you though? Is he right?”

“I don’t know,” I said slowly. “I feel like I am. But who knows what’ll happen when the time actually comes. Maybe I’ll have a complete meltdown. Maybe I won’t. But putting it off is only making me more nervous about it. I just want todoit. I want that…thatconnectionwith him.”

“Oh boy. You’re totally in love with him, aren’t you?”

“What? No, I’m not! I just really like him and trust him and he makes me feel safe and…”

Jordan stared hard at me. “I’mnot!” I reiterated. Because if I was, then I was fucked. My heart was fucked. So it was simple: I wasn’t. Definitely not.

Jordan kept staring at me, then shrugged and said, “Okay. I’ll let you stay in your little bubble of denial a little while longer. But, you know, I’m here if you ever want to talk things through. If you’re scared or having doubts. I know you, hon, and you always get too in your own head. Too hung up on false beliefs and the millions of ways things could go wrong. Just…try to live in the present, okay? Try not to get too ahead of yourself. Because I have never—never—seen you look at someone like you look at him. And the way he looks at you?” He fanned himself. “Whew, honey, it’s all fire in those eyes. Headoresyou.”

I let Jordan’s words roll around in my mind, tried to let them sink in. Was Jordan right? Did Brody…adoreme? I mean, yeah, we liked each other, but did we have something special? Something lasting? And what did that even mean to me? I had no idea how to navigate a relationship. I’d never been in one. I had no idea how I was supposed to feel or what non-platonic love even felt like. Was it this need to be around him? To see him smile? To be proud of who he was? To think about him constantly? To physically ache when he was near me? To be perpetually excited and nervous at the same time, always on the edge of euphoria? To want to know every last detail about his life, his likes and dislikes, his hopes and fears? To let myself be…vulnerable with him in a way I never had with anyone else?

I didn’t know.

But I’d never been so vulnerable with another person. For the first time in my life, letting down my walls for Brody didn’t make me scared or nervous. Didn’t make me feel like my skin had been peeled away to reveal everything beneath it. For the first time, I felt like I’d beengivensomething for daring to be vulnerable. I’d been rewarded. And fuck me, Brody was the sweetest reward there ever could be. It made me want to keep letting him in. To pull back my heavy coat of armor and yank him inside with me so that only he and I were privy to the things I’d hidden for solong. So that I could shed that armor and let him be my shield. My last line of defense against a world that was cold and brutal and everything he wasn’t. I wanted to give him all my secrets and to take his in return. An even exchange. I wanted to be as hard to get rid of as he was for me.

I wantedBrody. Plain and simple. As uncomplicated as it got, really. I just wanted him. Forever, him.

Wait, hold up. Forever?Forever? What did forever even mean? Wasn’t it way too soon to be thinking like that?

“Isaac.”

I blinked, turning my head to see Jordan just staring at me. “I asked you like five minutes ago if you wanted to order a pizza.”

---