Page 32 of Someone Like You

“Well, as you know, Sir Swims-A-Lot?—”

“Oh my god, andI’mthe one who needs my pun card revoked?!”

“AS YOU KNOW, Sir Swims-A-Lot hasn’t been eating the past few days. I’ve been absolutely distraught about it, just wallowing in grief. I’m surprised you didn’t notice, because you’re usually a good friend but you said nothing about the state I’ve been in, nothing at all, and I wondered if you were maybe going through your own thing but I thought to myself, ‘No way, Jordan, he would tell you if something was going on, don’t be silly.’ So I just chalked up you ignoring my misery to being busy with school, and I tried to talk to the people at the pet shop about why Sir Swims-A-Lot would just stop eating all of a sudden and they weren’t very helpful. Anyway, today I noticed that Sir Swims-A-Lot was just…floating at the top of his tank. I poked him and he didn’t move, his eyes just stared at me but I knew he wasn’t seeing me anymore, I knew he was gone, and Ihad a complete breakdown and sobbed into my favorite pillow. Finally, when I had no more tears left to cry, when I knew that life was only about suffering, I gave Sir Swims-A-Lot a proper burial. You know. In the toilet. Which is what you’re supposed to do.”

“You forgot to change the tank water, didn’t you.”

“Yes. Yes I did.”

“You know I love you, right?”

“I know, Isaac. I just feel like you’ve been a little distant lately.”

I said nothing to that, just stared at the bathroom floor, where I’d spent the last twenty minutes mopping up the excess water with every towel we owned, and then the next ten plunging the toilet with a shitty dollar store plunger that kept losing suction. It was a hard-fought battle that Jordan and I had to do together because we were both weak, but in the end, Sir Swims-A-Lot was sucked back up from where he’d gotten stuck, and Jordan had burst into a new round of tears.

We had an en-suite bathroom, and I was just thankful the flood had been contained inside it by the small tiled rise under the door. We would have been fucked if that had gotten onto the hardwood floor of our bedroom. As it was, just our bath mat and some of our toiletries and toilet paper had gotten soaked because Jordan insisted on stacking the rolls on the floor next to the toilet.

“Do you want to properly bury him?” I asked, looking sidelong at Jordan who was shoveling fruit snacks into his mouth. He was a stress eater, for sure.

“Yes,” he smacked out. “I know just the spot.”

I wrapped Jordan’s fish in paper towels and found an old shoe box to put him in, then followed Jordan out the back door and to a spot near the bushes in the furthest corner of the yard. Jordan dug a hole and placed the box inside, then covered itback up and laid a crocus he’d found in the yard atop the small mound. He gave a long speech that I tuned out most of.

It was a little sad, if I was being honest, and also extremely melodramatic because Jordan had only bought the fish three days ago. Which I hadn’t even noticed because I was so fixated on Brody, and that made me feel a little guilty. Maybe Jordan was right. Maybe I had been distant lately. I should probably just tell him what was going on between me and Brody, anyway. I knew he wouldn’t judge me or try to stop me because despite his snarky nature, he was supportive and only cared about what was best for me.

And right now, I felt like exploring this attraction with Brody was definitely high up on the list of what was best for me. Maybe even topping it. He made me feel…powerful, in a way. BecauseIturned him on. It wasmehe wanted, and oh did that fill me with a deep satisfaction and confidence I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt. And the things he said to me…fuck, how did he make me so hard and feel so fucking good emotionally at the same time? He was like a drug, and I could see myself becoming addicted to his words, his touch—his everything. The only thing my mind was able to conjure when I was with him like that wasmore more more. And on top of it all, he made me feel so safe the entire time.

And let’s not forget he called mebaby.Twice. Be still, my horny heart.

Disappointment slammed into me when I remembered I hadn’t even gotten to kiss him yet because of the person standing next to me. I tamped it down and told myselfnext time. I would definitely be putting my phone on silent next time, too.

“—and let ye rest in a peaceful slumber in that great fish bowl in the sky, for ever and ever, and to all a goodnight. Amen.”

“Beautiful, Jordan.”

“What’re you guys doing back there?” I looked over my shoulder to see Josh strolling towards us in flip-flops and cargoshorts like it was July and not early March. To each their own and whatever.

“Burying Jordan’s fish,” I replied. “You just missed the most beautiful eulogy a fish could ever hope to get.”

“Oh but I’m happy to repeat it for you, Josh?—”

“No! No, that’s okay, let’s go inside and make some brownies or something, what do you say?” I said, pushing Jordan toward the house.

“Cool, you guys are weird. I just wanted you to know that we’re gonna do a barbecue for the new roomie tonight to show him how awesome we are and to celebrate the fact that rent is now being split five ways, so it’s lower. Can you pick up some stuff from the store?” Josh said.

“Yeah, no problem, just give me a list and we’ll go,” Jordan replied, grabbing my arm to usher us inside so we could go to the store faster. He loved going to the grocery store—probably because he loved food—and if he had his own car, he’d make runs every day. I just huffed and let him manhandle me back to our room. We got our coats on then headed out, grabbing a short list from Josh on the way.

“So…there’s something I want to talk to you about,” I said once we were in the car.

“Hmm? What’s that?” Jordan said distractedly. I glanced at him and saw he was on his phone, fingers flying furiously as he typed something.

“Well, you know how I’ve been helping Brody with his schoolwork?”

“Mm. Bet you’ve been helping with more than just that,” he muttered.

“Yeah, that’s the thing…I have. Or, no, I mean Iwantto, we haven’t really done anything yet,” I said.

There was silence, and when I looked at Jordan, he was staring at me with his mouth open. I looked back at the roadand then he said, “You dirty, dirty, dog, Isaac! I fuckingknew it! Ohhh Cameron is gonna besomad.”

---