Page 78 of Unbroken

Devon returned and joined me in bed while I continued to smile like an idiot at the closet. Like we’d been doing it for years, he opened his arms for me, and I wedged myself up against him, resting my head on his bare chest.

One of my legs slung over his, I said, “You turned the closet light on.”

He didn’t verbally respond; he just kissed the top of my head and settled back.

“You brought me dinner and bought ChapStick just in case…”

“Mm-hmm.” I felt the sound vibrate through his chest, and his hand began idly rubbing up and down my back. Mine, too, began tracing the tattoos I could make out over his chest.

“I can’t believe you noticed the ChapStick.”

He chuckled, and my head moved up and down with the movement. “Blake, I think you’re going to realize there isn’t much I don’t notice about you.”

“Is that right?”

I couldn’t see him nod, but I felt it. “Yes, that’s right. Especially your nervous tics. Like the ChapStick, or the way you massage the base of your neck. You also tend to sit where no one can approach you from behind. Like with your back to a wall.”

I raised my head and peered back at him. He had been paying attention, and the idea that he cared enough to notice the little things wasn’t a surprise.

“You do watch me,” I said, half joking, but Devon’s expression was serious. He brushed my hair back and cupped my cheek.

“I spent two years thinking you weren’t here anymore, so yeah, I watch you. My eyes can’t help but find you whenever you’re nearby. And even when you’re not, I’m thinking about you and what you might be doing. It makes me sound a little obsessed, but it’s the truth.”

With a small smile, I whispered, “So this isn’t one-sided then?”

Devon barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

I laid my head back down on his chest and snuggled further into his arms. Silence descended, but it was comfortable. I listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and studied the movement and sound of each breath.

He was so still, I thought he’d fallen asleep until he cleared his throat. “Can I ask you something?” He waited for me to nodbefore he continued. “You don’t have to answer, but is there anything else I need to know? Similar to the dark. Is there anything else that you have a harder time with?”

I fought not to stiffen in his arms, but it was useless. Devon felt it and tucked me closer to his side. My little tics and triggers were proof that I still had a long way to go before my mind was fully recovered. And being faced with them was daunting.

I didn’t want to be scared of the dark forever or dependent on cherry-flavored ChapStick.

Gathering any kernel of courage I could, I said quietly, “The dark is a big one. And I don’t like large crowds. Like you said, I prefer to sit where I can always see someone approaching me from behind, and it’s hard when there’s people surrounding you. I also don’t like being surprised. And…I don’t eat peanut butter anymore.”

I’d never told anyone that last one, but there was something about the intimacy of the moment that made me want to open up. And no one had ever made me feel safer or more seen than Devon did right then.

“Peanut butter?” he asked.

“That’s pretty much all he fed me,” I explained and took a deep breath that was filled with him. It did wonders to keep me grounded in the moment. “Now, even the thought of it makes me feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin.”

“No peanut butter,” he said. “Got it.”

And I could hear in his voice that that wasn’t all he wanted to say, so feeling strong, I prompted, “You can ask me anything. I might not give you the answer you want, but you can ask.”

“Why the ChapStick?”

I told him about the teenage girl who sat with me and waited for the police. And how she offered me her cherry lip balm to help with my severely chapped lips. “It was the first moment of kindness I’d been shown in…months. It didn’t really help, but I guess it stuck with me.”

His hand on my back stopped, and his arm tightened around me.

In a low, protective voice, he said, “Ihatethat. I hate all of it.”

“I know,” I said. “I know, but I’m here right now. He didn’t win. I try to remember that when I get angry about everything that happened. Because right now is what’s important.”

I felt him nod, and I ran my nails down the side of his bare chest. He shuddered, and I turned and kissed his chest.

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