Page 98 of Undeniable

He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and continued. “Look, your mom may have filled me in on what happened over the past couple weeks. People in this town also really like to gossip, and y’all—you and Ivy—are their favorite topic right now.”

He shook his head and glanced back to his truck, probably considering getting away from our conversation. I couldn’t imagine what it had been like for him. The woman he wanted to marry said she didn’t want him and then ended up with her high school fling once again. And then having to hear about it from every person he ran into.

“Everyone is rooting for you two. Hell, even I think I’m rooting for you.”

His chuckle was weak, and his eyes were sad. He scrubbed a hand over his jaw and crossed the short distance between us. He stood next to me and leaned back against the tailgate, staring at the tree twenty or so feet away.

“I loved her,” he said bluntly, and I opened my mouth to tell him we didn’t have to have this conversation, but he continued anyway. “I loved her, but it was never enough. It was always you. No matter what happened before, and whether I knew it or not at the time, she was always hanging on to you. I probably should’ve seen it before, but you know what they say about hindsight…”

He trailed off, and I couldn’t find the words to fill the silence.

“I guess it probably doesn’t matter now, but it’s been weighing on me heavily recently… on Ivy and Forrest’s birthday, right after we graduated, Forrest told me to lie and say that I’d heard you talking about Ivy. He was worried that you were going to hurt her even more than you already had and that she’d take you back. He knew that if I told her I heard you bet on taking her virginity, she’d believe it.”

I looked up at him then, and he seemed as apologetic as he sounded.

“I’m really sorry for how it all happened. I immediately regretted it, which I know is not really helpful, but…” He trailed off, and I propped my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my hands.

Thirteenyearslater, I finally understood why Ivy hadn’t believed me. I wouldn’t have believed me either, and although I would’ve hoped that the time we spent together built enough trust, I wasn’t surprised. The stupid kid I was back then would have done that. The person I was before her was capable of it.

The anger was there, yet it wasn’t as intense as I expected. I was too tired, too devastated to muster it. “Thank you for telling me,” I finally said.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him nod slowly. “Just don’t give up on her. What the two of you have… most people never find.”

Those were his parting words as he stepped away from the tailgate and toward his own truck. Several seconds later, he started it, and I watched him drive back down Kirby Street toward town.

She had always been it for me. That was never a question.

I didn’t want to give up. But I couldn’t comprehend where the hell we’d go from there. Or how we’d even begin to repair everything that was broken.

I looked up at the sky that was painted with every shade of red, pink, and orange. It stirred something else inside of me.

The sky was the same color the last time I left her.

THIRTY-FOUR

Ivy

The driveinto Willowwood was the longest of my life.

I couldn’t stand to listen to music or have anything on in the background. I had a one-track mind: get to James.

I prayed over and over again that he’d be exactly where I assumed he’d go. I knew him—I knewus—but there was still a small anxious voice inside of me that was yelling I was wrong. He’d stopped answering his phone, so it wasn’t like I could ask him either.

I promptly told it to shut the fuck up and pressed harder on the gas.

The tears hadn’t stopped flowing since I left Murphy’s, and I was constantly wiping them away when they obstructed my view of the road.

I will never forget the heartbreak on his face. And it was all my fault.

I was trying to keep this secret to protect us—both of us. But I ended up hurting us both in the process. And although he had found out in likely the worst possible way, I had done it for us. I wasn’t sure if, given the opportunity to go back, I would’ve changed much.

At nineteen, I made the best decision I could. And I lived with it for the rest of my life.

Trees passed in what felt like slow motion, and the mile marker signs seemed unusually far apart.

It probably would’ve been wiser to check his apartment first before driving two hours outside the city. But my gut told me he wouldn’t be at home. And if I was wrong, maybe I didn’t know him as well as I thought.

I only breathed a small sigh of relief when I finally exited the highway. I knew emotions could make a person act erratically, and I only hoped he hadn’t done anything stupid.

---