Page 83 of Undeniable

Anyone would’ve been caught up in the moment, dancing the way we had been. And him comforting me through a nightmare didn’t mean anything. I was mortified that he’d heard me screaming, yet the terror of the dream hadn’t relented until he’d wrapped himself around me. Anyone would’ve done what he had in his position. Waking me up and consoling me until I fell back asleep was normal.

It didn’t mean anything else, no matter what it felt like.

I closed the apartment door, knowing he wasn’t going to leave so easily, and turned around to find him standing in the middle of the living room. He scrubbed a hand down his face and then through his hair, flinging water everywhere.

“Is Shelby here?”

He glanced around the apartment and then to me. I shook my head because it was all I could manage with the pain etched on his face.

“You just left without a word.”

“I had to get back. I have a long week.” The words were automatic. It was the excuse I had prepared for my parents that morning and it was what I’d decided to tell anyone else who asked why I’d left so abruptly. Or why I was home a day earlier than expected.

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Bullshit. You ran away.”

His accusatory tone made something inside of me snap. “Ran away? Running implies that I was leaving something behind.” I was full-blown yelling, and I couldn’t care less. He’d come all the way to my apartment after I’d made it clear by leaving that I wanted space.

“But you did,” he said calmly, and I rolled my eyes.

“No.”

“Ivy, I—”

“You need to go.”

“No.Fuck, will you please just let me speak?” he pleaded.

“What the hell are you going to say? Nothing you say is going to make this better. Nothing you say is going to take thehurtaway.”

The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I said. I tried so hard not to let him know how much he’d hurt me. Or the snowball effect it’d caused.

The honesty I’d conveyed was too much for me, and I rounded the island into the kitchen, hoping the distance would help me get a better perspective.

Standing in the middle of the kitchen, I crossed my arms and stared at the blank, white wall in front of me.

I heard his steps behind me, and I prayed he kept his distance. There was a very good chance I’d crumble if he touched me.

“Ivy,” he said my name softly, pleading. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care.”

“I care,” he said a little louder, and I turned on him.

“You care now? You care after how many years that—”

“Yes!” he interrupted, arms spread wide. “I care that I didn’t go back to Willowwood initially. I care that I didn’t tell you on the phone that I knew I was making a mistake the second the words left my mouth. I care that I didn’t chase after you when you ran back into the fucking house. I care that I didn’t argue with you when you told me you hated me. Icarethat I hurt you so badly that thirteen years later, you’re still unable to forgive me. That I’m not able to forgive myself.”

Before he was even finished, I was shaking my head. He was still a safe distance away on the other side of the island with both hands braced on the counter, but he was still too close. It was all too much.

“You bet you could take my virginity,” I said slowly. Barely restrained anger and years of hurt making my voice waver. “Youusedme. Do you know how worthless I felt? How dirty and damaged? Anything else, you could have done almost anything else, and I would’ve forgiven you. When you decided not to come back for all the reasons you claimed, I would’ve understood. Had you come back and told me in person that you thought it was best for us to go our separate ways, fine! Butthatwas vindictive and humiliating. Even thirteen years later, I can’t forgive that. What kind of person does that to someone?”

My entire body was vibrating as the words I’d kept bottled up finally flowed freely.

He began to step around the island, but I mustered a step backward, holding up one hand.

“Don’t come near me,” I warned.

Defeat made his shoulders drop, and he scrubbed a hand over his mouth as he assessed me, likely preparing a new method of attack. I hated the way he looked at me. Like he was finally ready to be honest, too.

---