Page 79 of Undeniable

“He… didn’t think anything would actually happen between the two of you. He didn’t say anything to me until I told him that I suspected you and James were spending time together.” I stayed silent, stewing over all of the new information and doing my best to hold myself together even though I could feel myself breaking apart.

“Brendon could be lying, too… He was upset when I told him I only wanted to be friends.”

Forrest shook his head. “You know Brendon, he wouldn’t do that.” And I hated that I believed him. Brendon wasn’t the type of person to lie for his own gain or throw one of his friends under the bus. We’d been friends for a long time, and I couldn’t imagine him stooping that low. Even worse, what they were saying sounded a lot like something James would have done.

But not the James I knew. He wouldn’t have done that. He couldn’t have…

“Where is he? I need… I want to talk to him about it.” A confusing mix of emotions swept through me, and I was dizzy trying to comprehend it all.

“I don’t know. I’ll find him, but… if it’s any consolation, we were all drinking a lot that night. James was so shit-faced that Brendon and I practically had to carry him to his bedroom when we finally got back, otherwise he would’ve passed out in the middle of the field. But… don’t you think it’s best if both of you just move on anyway? It was never going to work out in the first place.”

I could feel myself nodding, but I’d completely checked out. Anything else Forrest said after that I didn’t hear. I only stood there, my arms wrapped around myself, and began second-guessing every single moment we’d spent together.

I felt dirty. I felt like a pawn in a game that I wasn’t even playing. I wanted to be mad or angry. I wanted to yell or scream, but I couldn’t. All I could do was stand there.

I was completely fucking powerless.

Forrest hugged me, and I tensed at the feel of his arms. He murmured something about being around if I wanted to talk, but I didn’t have anything else to say. He asked me to join the party, but I shook my head. Thankfully, he didn’t stick around to try to convince me.

My head was swimming, and I suddenly felt nauseous. All the barbecue I’d consumed earlier threatened to come back up.

I wanted to hide in my room, but I had enough wherewithal to know if I disappeared, my mom would notice and it would draw even more attention. So, instead, I found a seat on the porch. I shimmied my legs underneath the railing and let my head rest on the spindles as a warm breeze blew the chimes around the corner.

All I could do was sit there and think. There was the possibility that they were all misremembering the conversation they’d had. Maybe my virginity was mentioned, but the details of the conversation were skewed and changed by the alcohol and the time that had passed since it happened.

The best-case scenario was that it was one big misunderstanding. But even as I thought it, I didn’t believe it. Brendon should’ve told me when it happened, but James shouldn’t have said it at all. And the fact that he hadn’t shown up only made it easier to believe.

I was nothing to him. Less than nothing.

I sat on the porch until the sun set below the horizon and the moon made its appearance. My mom came to check on me once but quickly left me alone to tend to her hosting duties.

The party was finally winding down, and I was considering going inside when my phone vibrated.

My stomach lurched into my throat and I only hesitated for a second before I looked at the caller ID.

I answered it, but I didn’t say anything. Several seconds passed, and there was only silence on the other end before he said my name.

“Ivy?”

I nearly cried with relief and despair at the sound of his voice. It was deeper than usual, heavy with sleep or maybe emotion. I took a deep shaky breath.

“Fuck, Killer,” he sighed.

“Don’t call me that.”

He was quiet, and I didn’t want to hear his cute little pet names. I could hear in his voice what he was likely about to do and I didn’t want his comfort or kindness.

“Is it true?” I seethed and even more silence followed. And the silence hit me harder than any words might have.

“After everything, you at least owe me the truth. Is it—”

“No.” It was the one word I wanted to hear, but I willed the relief not to sweep through me too soon. With no context, he knew exactly what I was talking about, which didn’t bode well. I opened my mouth to ask how the rumor had even started in the first place when he said, “I-I don’t know. I was so—”

“You don’t know?”

Like he was trying to explain as quickly as he could, the words tumbled out. “I don’t remember a lot of what happened that night. I remember joking around with everyone, but I don’t remember exactly what was said. I only heard that I said something about you when the rumor started circulating days later, but I have no recollection of it. I was so drunk and stupid, but Ivy, I only ever told you the truth. The only reason I didn’t tell you about that stupid rumor is because it wasn’t how I really felt. You were not some conquest to me. Please believe me when I tell you that everything that happened between us was real. I think that I—”

“And if all of that is true, then why aren’t you here?” Whatever he was going to say next, I didn’t want to hear it.

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