Page 86 of Song of the Dark Wood

“I have to go,” she said. She turned, shoved her way through the mass of bodies, and ran until she reached Finn’s apartment on the edge of the Ashand property. She banged on the door relentlessly. He probably wasn’t home. He was probably out on a hunt, but she needed something or someone to ground her.

Everything was spinning out of control too quickly.

The door swung open, and Finn’s eyes went wide at the sight of her. “Rowan, what?—”

She pushed past him, into the foyer, and leaned against the wall. She bent forward, her hands on her knees, still struggling to catch her breath.

“Goddess above! What happened?” Finn put an arm around her and guided her into the sitting room to a chair in front of the fire. “Put your head between your knees and try to breathe deeper.” He placed a hand on her back. “Try to breathe deep, down to my hand.”

Her breath slowed along with her heartbeat. As the dizziness abated, she sat up and looked at Finn. His golden-brown hair was mussed, his shirt unbuttoned at the collar, revealing more of his skin than she’d ever seen on display. He followed her gaze and quickly buttoned himself up.

“I can make some tea,” a voice said from the small kitchen.

Rowan jumped as her gaze shot to Lady Joy McCade, who flushed and looked away.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company,” Rowan said, springing to her feet.

Finn grabbed her hand, and both she and Joy gasped. He quickly let go, remembering that he wasn’t supposed to touch her. “Rowan, don’t run off, please. Just have a cup of tea and tell me what happened,” he said softly.

Finn’s eyes pleaded with her, but she wouldn’t tell him anything in front of Joy. Strange jealousy twisted in her stomach. She didn’t feel the same way for Finn that he—supposedly—did for her, but still, she’d always taken him at his word, and he had sworn he would wait for her. He said he wasn’t interested in Joy. It was highly inappropriate for her to be alone with him in his apartment.

“It’s fine. I won’t tell anyone about this,” Rowan said, gesturing to Joy.

“It’s not what you think,” Finn said.

Rowan crossed her arms. “I don’t think anything.”

She had no right to be mad. Still, it felt like a bit of a betrayal for him to swear that he only wanted her, that he’d marry her when her term was done, and now she’d barely begun and Finn was already sneaking around with someone else.

“I’m only here to talk about a special ceremony after the Gratitude and Grieving Ceremony in two weeks,” Joy said. “Finn will be there to attend the Mother as a guard, and I’ll be there to attend her as a lady-in-waiting. We were just discussing things because we’ve both been given so little information.”

Rowan’s mouth went dry and her stomach lurched. She brought a hand to her mouth. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

Finn jumped up and brought her a bowl. She bent over it and tried to slow the swirling thoughts in her mind.

“They expect the Mother to actually be there?” Rowan asked, not looking up from the bowl, afraid the loss of focus would make her vomit.

Finn sighed. “They’re being extremely tight-lipped, but for some reason, they’ve asked us both to be there. Sarai is supposed to attend also, along with her mother.”

Suddenly the dam burst, and Rowan started to cry. “They don’t think I’m worthy of the Wolf.”

“What?” Finn looked astonished. “It’s only been a few weeks.”

“I know. I don’t know what they want,” Rowan choked out. “I’ve gotten so close?—”

Finn winced at the words.

“If I don’t succeed next week, they’re going to do some insane ceremony in this secret room beneath the Elder Tree where they—” She looked from Joy to Finn as realization dawned on both of them.

Joy looked as ill as Rowan felt. “That’swhat they want me to witness?”

Finn shook his head violently. “They can’t do that.”

“They can. The Crone approved it. It’s going to happen unless I can somehow succeed in winning Con—the Wolf over next week,” Rowan said.

“Oh, Rowan, that’s horrible,” Joy said. For her part, she looked genuinely distraught. She walked toward Finn, seeking out his support as if she was the victim. “Finn, you can’t let them do this. There’s never been this kind of urgency before.”

“It’s because of the blight,” Rowan said hopelessly. “Even though it’s getting better, they don’t care. It’s still visible here, and the townsfolk are restless. It doesn’t matter whatistrue. It only matters whatfeelstrue.”

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