Page 60 of Song of the Dark Wood

“The elders think that the tighter they hold on, the less traction the new religion in the north will gain, but I think they’ve taken everything pure about our beliefs and corrupted them. The world as we know it—this system that serves to crush both of our spirits—that aims to tame wild women—I want to break it.”

Rowan grinned. “How?”

“I don’t know yet, but the way I see it, you and I have power. It may not be much, but it’s something. I can feel a change coming. I don’t understand it, but I haven’t missed the waymy mother looks at you like you’re a harbinger of something terrifying. I don’t see it quite the same. I think everyone has light and dark, good and evil. No one is just one thing. I think if I could be anything, I’d like to be the person who rights this world.”

Rowan grinned at her friend. For a woman who spent most of her life in isolation, Sarai had a remarkable grasp on humanity.

“By the Mother, let it be so. Is that all? Just that one small change?” Rowan teased.

Sarai laughed. “Well, perhaps I’d also like to spend some time with Raya Grange.”

Rowan cackled in delight. “I knew it! I saw you staring at her at the last ceremony.”

“She’s quite lovely with all that wild blonde hair, and she kisses me like she’s afraid I’ll disappear.” Sarai sighed whimsically.

Rowan’s mind drifted to how it felt when Conor had kissed her the same way.

“You think that strange?” Sarai asked. She smoothed her dress, nervously playing with the end of her braid.

Rowan had always suspected that Sarai favored women from the way she perked up around Raya, but they’d never spoken openly about it. Just one whisper in the wrong direction could make her the victim of violent prejudice. Nothing was more threatening to a man than a woman who wanted nothing to do with him.

It made no difference to Rowan who Sarai loved, as long as that person knew how lucky they were and treated her with respect.

Rowan shook her head. “I find it strange that she wouldn’t be as enamored with you. You are a brilliant, magical woman of astonishing beauty. She should be so lucky to have your heart.”

Sarai sighed again. “I know it sounds frivolous, all things considered, but I think that love is the thing that adds the spice to life, gives it depth and peril and stakes. I just want to feel what I feel with her. I want the freedom to be something for which no mold exists.” She went silent, looking down at her hands before taking Rowan’s hands in her own. “I think if you hadn’t asked me that question, I wouldn’t have considered it. So thank you, Row.”

Rowan grinned.

Sarai squeezed her hands. “Let’s agree to keep asking each other the questions that challenge us to see beyond everyone else’s expectations. Let’s keep asking the questions that tear down worlds, Rowan.”

Rowan nodded silently, in awe of her friend’s intensity. Sarai had always played her cards quite close to the vest. This admission was the most she’d ever shared at once, and it meant the world to Rowan. She tried to hide her emotions with a laugh, but Sarai missed nothing.

“What would you want to do, Rowan?” she asked.

Rowan wiped away a tear. “I want to break the world with you. I just have no idea how to do it—so you’re in charge.”

“And what about your handsome Wolf?”

“Goddess above!” Rowan sighed. “I know I’m inexperienced, but I genuinely do not understand how to get through to him or if I want to. I know I should be afraid, and yet I can’t help feeling drawn in.”

“Give it time. Perhaps all you’ve learned doesn’t serve you well. Maybe you just need to be yourself,” Sarai suggested.

“And who is that? It’s not as if the life I’ve lived has cultivated a personality,” Rowan grunted.

“And yet you still have one,” Sarai said with a smile. “You are a woman of a hundred little rebellions. You have a wild heart hidden behind a pretty face. I think the question is, do you really want the Wolf to be interested in you?”

Rowan pulled her hands away and ran them through her hair. Her mind wandered unbidden to the memory of Elder Garrett. She cringed, trying to banish it from her mind.

“I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like admiration is just another excuse for violence. Others, it feels like I can’t believe I’ve gone so long without it. Either way, the Wolf has somehow become the lesser of two evils. I don’t know what this ceremony the elders have discussed entails, but I imagine it’s worse than Conor.”

“What aren’t you saying?” Sarai asked.

“A lot,” Rowan said. Her lip trembled, and she was embarrassed by how quickly her composure slipped.

She admitted how Elder Garrett had beaten her. Sarai’s face lit with fury as Rowan spoke and explained precisely what he’d done and what Cade said about his bargain with a demon.

“I don’t know what to do,” Rowan said, wiping away tears furiously with the back of her hand. “He can do whatever he wants, and there’s nothing I can do to stop him because he’s right—who would believe me?”

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