Page 101 of Song of the Dark Wood

Rowan nodded. She was startled by the raw vulnerability on his face—by the intensity of his attention. She hadn’t expected him to be so careful with her. Despite his words, she thought he’d be rougher. Everything she’d learned from her years of training and even from his own threats had set her up to expect something vicious. Instead, he touched her like she was made of delicate porcelain he was afraid to break.

She looked at Conor—really looked at him. His brow was furrowed in concentration, and his arms shook with the effort of holding back. Once he started to move, she would need to act quickly.

“What are you waiting for?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for you to be ready,” he said through gritted teeth. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m ready,” she said, bringing a hand to his face. “You won’t hurt me.”

She wasn’t sure it was true. If he didn’t die right away when she stabbed him, he might hurt her. She couldn’t exactly blame him. Still, she felt that whatever wound he dealt her would pale in contrast to the wounds the rest of her life had inflicted on her.

He relaxed and began to move his hips. Rowan’s head fell back as she moaned. It still stung the slightest bit, but pleasure swelled up, eclipsing the ache. She closed her eyes, wanting to commit the rawness of the feeling to memory.

“Rowan,” Conor groaned, his lips skimming her jaw. “Eyes on me.”

She snapped her eyes open. He looked wrecked, gazing at her as if welcoming his undoing.

“I need to see your eyes to know that you’re okay,” he whispered.

Conor moved his hips in a steady, slow rhythm, and she found herself involuntarily lifting hers to meet each movement. Tension wound through her like it had before, but this time, it was much more intense. She dug her heels into his back, trying to draw him closer.

He paused. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Wasn’t the point of this,” she said, holding up her finger, “that you know what I’m feeling?”

He nodded.

“And what am I feeling?” she asked.

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “Too much for me to discern any one thing.”

“Are any of them bad?”

He squeezed his eyes shut in concentration. “Just some fear.”

She held her breath as her mind spun. He couldn’t know what she was going to do, only what she felt, but she needed to act soon.

“This is a new experience. Of course I’m nervous. I’m not afraid of you as much as the unknown,” she whispered. “Please don’t stop.”Please don’t figure out that I’m about to kill you.

“So demanding,” he chuckled.

She held his gaze as he started to move again. The intensity of looking into his eyes as he moved—the kindness reflected back—nearly brought her to tears.

She clung to the last threads of her resolve as she slid her hand out to the side, her fingers brushing the cool hilt of the dagger. It slid into her palm, and her heart pounded in her chest, both from the building frenzy in her body and the racing torrent of her mind.

Just stab him, Rowan. End this. If you do this, you and Aeoife will finally be safe.

Conor kissed her neck, groaning into her skin as she hugged him close.

Now, Rowan—you have to do this now.The dagger trembled in her slick grip.

Conor nipped at her neck, and she nearly dropped the dagger. He did it again, and she shuddered as shivers danced over her skin.

You won’t get a better chance. Do it now, you idiot. This is bigger than you.

Rowan thought of the elders. She thought of the Mother, who hadn’t bothered to save her from Elder Garrett. She thought of her own family, who’d given her up. No one could truly make her safe, and maybe now she was close enough to get Conor to renegotiate without actually hurting him. Maybe she could convince him to change. He’d already changed so much with her. She’d never felt secure anywhere in her world. Could she reallykill the only person who might have the key to the freedom she wanted so badly for herself and Aeoife?

She dropped the dagger and brought her hand to Conor’s shoulder. He pulled her into a kiss that stole her breath as he moved faster.

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