Page 123 of Song of the Dark Wood

Conor moved with her, his eyes locked on hers, oblivious to her plan. She kept her focus on the sensation in her body as he moved so he wouldn’t feel her intent. His eyes burned into hers with an intensity that made her squirm. There was no denying it, no mistaking the truth of what she felt. She couldn’t escape it any longer.

Rowan was in love with Conor.

The Mother’s words were fresh in her mind. “The moment that he’s taking from you, he’s vulnerable.”

Conor was taking her heart, and it might be her last good opportunity to end him before he could end her. She was only pretending she had a choice. He might not want to hurt her, but he would need to. Even if he didn’t want to be monstrous, he’d warned her over and over to never forget that he was a monster. His grip on his world was slipping, and eventually, he’d need what only she could give him. She knew that surviving would be messy. She just hadn’t counted on this level of devastation.

There was no other way. They were mutually destructive to each other.

Tears blinded Rowan. She’d thought the cruelest part of her life was over, but there always seemed to be one more cruelty for her to suffer. She’d never dared to love like that. Never imagined that it could exist in the life she’d been born into.

She blinked away tears as she met his eyes.

Conor froze. He looked stricken. “What is it, Rowan? Did I hurt you?” he asked. The tenderness in his voice, in his eyes, was not what she deserved.

She shook her head. The dagger slipped in her sweaty palm. She needed to strike now. There was no doubt in her mind what, exactly, he was taking from her. He’d stolen her heart without her permission, despite her best efforts to resist. Why shouldn’the have? He had centuries of experience in stealing hearts, in making women fall in love with him. Why should she be any different?

“Please don’t stop,” she begged.

Conor hesitated before starting to move again.

She shook as she tightened her grip on the dagger.You can do this, Rowan. You have to do this. It’s you or him. You don’t have a choice. It’s him or Aeoife. If you can’t do it for you, do it for her.

She moved her hand quickly, pausing with the point of the dagger nearly pressed to the skin of his ribs.

Conor froze above her. His eyes darted to the dagger. She knew she needed to move, but they both held still as statues.

He finally moved, and she flinched, but he stroked her cheek so tenderly.

“And what am I taking from you now, love?” Conor rasped.

She stared up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. “You know,” she mumbled.

“Well, if you’re going to kill me, I think I at least deserve to hear it once, Rowan,” he said.

She bit her trembling lip. The dagger shook in her hand.

“My heart.”

It was barely audible, but Conor looked as if she’d punched him in the gut.

“I hate that you made me love you,” she sobbed, “but I hate it more that it means I can kill you.”

Conor swallowed hard, holding perfectly still as the point of the dagger pressed into his chest.

She hesitated. Her eyes darted around wildly as she tried to summon.

“Before you strike, Rowan, you should know that I have been in love with you for quite some time now. Your love is a beautifulweapon that I feel unworthy of. I can think of no better way to go.”

The words devastated her. Her whole world narrowed to the sincerity of his voice and the look on his face.

“Go on, love. Better me than you,” Conor whispered.

She still couldn’t make herself move.

Conor brushed her hair back from her face tenderly, as if she’d offered him her heart instead of a blade to his chest. “Death is easy. Living is hard. You’ve already made the hardest choice, my fierce little Red.”

They both held completely still, poised on the edge of the abyss. There was no turning back. She couldn’t stop loving him, couldn’t escape the fact that she owed it to herself, at the very least, to put her needs first. So many people had let her down, and she’d long since learned that she was the only person she could truly count on. Still, at that moment, she was also confronted with the fact that she very much did not want to kill the first man she ever loved.

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