Page 106 of The Ripper

I couldn’t fucking feel her.

My eyes burned as I refused to blink, but I did when I couldn’t take the sting anymore, and tears fell out, hot and so fucking bitter.

~ We lost her. We lost her. WE LOST HER.

~ No.

~ They took her away! She could be dead right now. She could be dead because of us.

I smacked the side of my head a few times, the gun still in my hand, closing and opening my eyes as I clenched and unclenched my fist.

~ It’s our fault! She’s dead because of us!

I looked up at the sky and yelled out her name, covering my ears to stop hearing the fucking voice that kept telling me she was dead. Saliva gathered in the corners of my mouth. My face felt as though it was on fire, and I raked my fingers down my cheeks, my nails scraping the surface.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling at it as I spun around in place, looking for her in the crowd. Voices kept speaking around me, but I couldn’t understand a word as I desperately looked left and right, still not seeing her.

Someone grabbed my shoulder, and I turned faster than I thought I was capable of, thinking it was her, but it was only Damiano, who was staring at me rather confused.

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to regain some composure, and when I opened them again, he slowly jerked his head towards the building.

Thick smoke was coming from somewhere on the tenth floor, and a glimmer of hope sprouted in me when I saw that the building was actually on fire, and this could have all been just a coincidence.

A few firefighters stood at the entrance while the police questioned the family whose apartment was on fire.

They kept people outside and reassured them that it would all be over soon, but there was nothing to stop me.

The monster knocked at my brain three times.

Damiano grabbed me by the arm before I got too close to the entrance and stopped me.

“You might want to hide that,” he whispered close to my ear, subtly pointing at my gun.

I cursed through my teeth and tucked it into the back of my jeans, then pulled my shirt over it and walked towards the entry, ignoring the fireman who warned me to stay back.

“Let me through,” I said as he stepped in front of me and put his hand on my chest to stop me from entering.

“Sir, everyone needs to stay outside until the fire is out,” he tried to be rational.

But I had no idea what rationality was anymore.

I was fucking desperate.

~ Knock. Knock.

“My wife is still inside,” I said through clenched teeth.

~ Oh, come on, you never let me play anymore.

“There’s no one left in the building,” he said confidently, still keeping his arm on my chest.

“Take that hand off me if you want to keep it,” I hissed.

~ Kill him.

“I would let him through if I were you,” Damiano suggested charmingly, keeping his tone calm as he grabbed the arm I was using to reach under my shirt and stopped me from drawing my gun.

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