I smacked the side of my head and bit down my fist, pacing in front of the only place that remained unopened, namely her safe.
The safe that she’d quickly locked again after putting the Glock back in. The safe that I left untouched when I sent my men to pack her things because I didn’t want to betray her trust.
I started entering combinations of numbers that meant something to her, hoping that I could open it without having to destroy it. Her birthday, August twenty-third, her graduation date, her first solo surgery.
Nothing worked.
“Think, you idiot,” I whispered to myself as I tapped my fingers on the wall. “Think, think,” I paced back and forth, running my fingers through my hair and muttering curses.
„I dreamed about this,” her words echoed in my head.
She thought about me after the flight.
“No, it can’t be…” I said as the crazy idea erupted in my brain and hurried back to the safe where I slowly typed in the date of the flight.
Exactly three years ago today. I was so lost I hadn’t even realized it was our anniversary.
Shock took over me when the safe popped open with a click and I found her gun, a passport in her name, an envelope with cash, her graduation cap and… that was it. I could have sworn I saw something red in there last time.
I betrayed her trust for… fucking nothing.
~ Say nothing one more time, I swear to fuck.
Angrily, I slammed the safe shut and looked at my watch, realizing I had to drive back and pick her up from work.
I drove like a maniac. I ran three red lights, exceeded the speed limit many times over and nearly crashed into a wall, but I arrived at the hospital just in time to see her come out.
She was hugging her bag to her chest, looking left and right as if something startled her, and when she spotted the car, she ran towards it. I could tell she had been crying again and my heart fucking broke in my chest as she got into the car.
No, she wasn’t just startled, she was fucking frightened.
Her eyes read panic, and her fingers trembled on the seatbelt as she pulled it over her chest with uneven movements.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, my voice sounding rougher than I intended.
She shook her head and finally managed to snap the seatbelt in place, then lit a cigarette and hugged her knees to her chest as she looked out of the window back at the hospital doors.
She seemed so lost inside herself and I felt so fucking powerless. I had no idea what to do or how to get her to open up to me.
What the hell could be so bad that even I couldn’t know about it?
“They fired me.” she replied as she took a long drag out of the cigarette, the confession causing tears to stream down her face.
“Why?” I clutched the steering wheel tighter.
“They accused me of trying to sleep with an Attending to get surgeries.” She wiped her eyes. “One of my colleagues, Lana, said she saw me slip my underwear into his pocket. They even had the fucking panties to show, so they made me sign my resignation and sent me on my way,” she sniffled. “Fuck, she always had it out for me, you know? Since day one, we had been competitive with each other, but I never thought she would take it this far.”
I looked at her for a while, my brows drawn together in an angry frown as my jaw clenched.
“Can I do anything to help?”
She shook her head and wiped her tears, then propped her forehead between her knees and sighed deeply. “Can we just go home?”
My heart leapt in my chest.
Home.
Fucking hell. There was no way a spy would say that word so genuinely. She wasn’t one. She couldn’t be one. Not her.