Page 6 of Operation: Integrity

Edwyn scratched the horse under the chin and Bella pushed against him with her nose. The whole interaction didn’t look that pleasant, almost like the horse was pushing his hand away.

“I don’t think I want to work with horses. Maybe I would be better with dogs? Is there any way to work with the dogs without working with Sam?” Her chest tightened and the room seemed to darken in her peripheral vision. She needed to calm down or she’d pass out. This couldn’t happen now.

“You haven’t even tried yet. We don’t have to ride today.That’s fine. But you need to meet your horse. That’s part of the treatment plan.”

Focus on breathing. In and out.“What do you do if people are allergic to horses or just can’t?” This thing was massive. What if it stepped on her? What if it bit her? What if Edwyn forced her to ride it and she fell off? Everyone always forced her to do what she didn’t want to do. Why would Wayside be any different from anywhere else?

“Kelly?” Edwyn stepped closer to her.

She screamed and covered her face as she crumpled to her knees. He would hit her. No doubt about it. That’s what men did when she didn’t do what they wanted.

“Kelly, it’s okay. It’s fine. We can do this later.” His voice was finally calm and quiet, but it was too late. Quiet seemed fake in the light of his usual loud and boisterous voice.

She shifted to protect her face with her arm and opened one eye to see if he was only saying that so she would move her hands to give him access to her face. Smacks to the face had always hurt the worst. He’d moved back a few paces, out of reach.

“I don’t want to be here.” Her voice shook and she hated herself for the tears gathering in her eyes. She would never be normal again. She would never know what people expected when they spoke to her. The last few years of her life would forever cloud her ability to function in society. She hadn’t even lived at Wayside for a day, and she’d already proven that.

“We want you to stay.” Edwyn crouched but stayed too far away to touch her.

He’d probably meant it to sound welcoming, but it was just more of a trap. Kelly backed away and her rear hitsomething metal. Something slammed forward, knocking her on the back of the head. She screamed and whipped around to see who had hit her.

Edwyn rushed forward. “Are you alright?”

Her heart sped up even faster, painful now. The ring around the outside of her vision grew darker and she reached out to keep her balance. “Don’t touch me!”

He held out his hands in front of him to show her where they were. “I won’t. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. Can I look at your head?”

She shook her head so quickly she lost her balance. “I just want to go.”

He reached for his phone and pressed a few things on the screen. “Yeah, it’s me. We’re in the barn. Can you come help?”

He shoved his phone back in his pocket and held up his hands. “Just a second, okay?”

A few seconds later, Sam slowly strode into the barn a few feet away. If Edwyn thought this was going to help, he was wrong. She made a noise in her throat she didn’t recognize and turned to get up and race for the door.

“Kelly.”

Sam’s voice was so calming, so much like her memories and dreams where she’d actually lived the last few years, her life was no life at all. She stalled for a moment, unsure where she should go or what she should do.

“Talk to me,” Sam stayed back, giving her space. “Kelly, you don’t need to be strong right now.”

Her knees gave out and she crumpled hard on the cement floor, her arm the only thing that kept her head from hitting the cement. A cry escaped her before she could stop it.

Sam lowered himself down on the floor and sat aboutfour feet away, his knees crossed, so she assumed he couldn’t get up quickly. “Edwyn, why don’t you find Kelly a bottle of water? I think she could use a drink.”

Edwyn headed off, leaving her alone with Sam, the one man she was terrified to be alone with. Not because he would do anything to her, but because she was ashamed of what her life had become. He was supposed to save her. He was supposed to be her rescuer. She’d relied on him completely. Too much.

“I want to leave,” the words barely registered to her own ears.

“Can you give us two weeks? If not, we’ll need to find another safe place for you to go. We aren’t holding you here. You aren’t forced to stay.” Sam watched her, but his eyes weren’t condemning like she expected.

“Just two weeks? I don’t have to live here if I don’t fit in?” Who was she kidding? She wouldn’t fit in. Why was she even thinking about agreeing to stay when she just wanted to be alone?

“Yes. I’ll tell Connor to look for a place you can stay. Sometimes, the families of other people who’ve already graduated offer to take in someone who doesn’t have a family or who has nowhere to go. We can see if one of those families is available.”

Sam wasn’t supposed to offer to do things for her. She’d convinced herself he would be angry with her. That he would accuse her of all the awful things she’d done. He had to have known. Why else would he leave?

“I . . .” She wanted to go, but staying would mean she might finally find out why Sam had abandoned her. She might finally know for sure and be able to move on. “I think I can do that.”

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