Page 44 of Operation: Integrity

He pulled over and killed the lights, then grabbed his phone. “I’ll google up an alternate route while you tell me who Sam is, ‘cause I know it’s not the dog’s name and it’s not my name.” He gave her a gentle smile. “Seems to me that people call for those they care about in moments they think all is lost.”

She should’ve called for Jesus. Guilt hit her. Why hadn’t her first thought been Jesus? See. Bad girl. Kelly closed her eyes. “He’s the guy I loved once.”

“Once?” the man asked. “Not still?”

She couldn’t call what she felt love because love was deep and full. What she felt was so unsure. “Once. He loved me, too I didn’t think about it until right now, but I selfishly blamed him for the trouble I was in, even though I never told him about that trouble. I wanted him to be my rescuer, to see what I wasn’t saying, to know that everything had fallen apart.”

“But he didn’t see it?” he asked.

“No. He thought I chose other men over him. And I had myself convinced that I didn’t, that I did what I had to do, but I always would’ve put Sam first. But I didn’t, did I? I was the one in the wrong. I was the one who chose to do what I thought I had to, and I was so ashamed that I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him then. I still can’t.”Because shame was a disease that spread as fast as cancer.

“Would Sam forgive you?”

“I don’t know that he should.” She swiped her nose since she had no tissues. “I don’t deserve it.”

“None of us deserve it. Ever. Asking for it is all that makes us even slightly worthy of it because it means we know we’ve done something wrong. But even that is a stretch. If you do something to hurt another person, even unintentionally, then you don’t ever—technically—deserveforgiveness. But I would say that’s the very thing that makes forgiveness so powerful.”

“You’re about to go all religious on me, aren’t you?” She gripped her hands together and held tight. It wasn’t that she disliked hearing about Jesus; just that she felt stupid for being her age and not knowing anything.

“Not religious. Faithful. Jesus will forgive you for making that decision if you come to him with a heart that’s sorry, which it sounds like you are. Ask Sam if he’ll do the same and let Jesus work on his heart. You’re so young to be dealing with something that has hurt you so deeply.”

He couldn’t possibly understand, but she didn’t want him to know the half of it. “I’ve been through a lot.”

He took a deep breath. “I’ve found a way to Cheyenne by taking backroads,, but you’ll forgive me for saying that I don’t feel safe bringing you with me to my daughter’s house. Can I take you to the police station? They’ll let you call Sam, and he can come get you.”

“You can drop me off there.” As soon as he did, she’d walk to wherever she wanted to go or ask a policeman for a ride. But she wasn’t calling Sam. He’d have even more to forgive now than he did before.

John didn’t know who she was or what she’d done. He wouldn’t think Sam could forgive her if he knew. Not to mention it wasn’t just Sam. She had to forgive herself now that she understood completely what her choice had meant, and she couldn’t. How could she have thought she had no other choices? Even if Nathan had told her that, she should’ve questioned his logic. She should’ve known better. She’d let him manipulate her completely.

John started the engine once again and they rumbled down the road, letting his navigation system plot the way. With every car they saw, both of them would look at the other and wait to see a reaction.

“I didn’t catch what kind of car it was, but it was a sedan. Light colored, but that’s all I could tell you. High speed and bullets are a good way to obliterate my memory, apparently.”

Kelly sighed. “I didn’t even look. I was too busy hiding.”

“At least it won’t take Sam long to get to you.”

Kelly’s neck tensed. “How do you know?” She’d told him she’d hitchhiked. He couldn’t know which Sam she was talking about. If he did, he’d tell Sam where to find her.

John flinched as he looked over at her. “I’ve never been a good liar. I told you I went to vet school. You mentioned Sam and you were right next to Wayside Ranch. That dog, even though you haven’t used his name, is Zeus. I’d know him anywhere. My son, John Jr., is his vet and I’ve helped him with that dog.”

The traitor dog yipped up at the vet and nuzzled his knee.

“I knew it. Good boy.” He reached over and scratched Zeus’s ear.

“You can’t tell him.” Her voice wouldn’t be calm, no matter how hard she tried. “I need to get away.” She reached for the door.

John grabbed her arm gently and Zeus growled.

“You’d best not touch me. He won’t allow it.” Kelly tugged her arm away, though the man didn’t frighten her.

He held up his hand between them and looked at Zeus. “I won’t touch her again.” He glanced back at her. “Give Sam a chance. He doesn’t do things for recognition or for any reason other than that he either enjoys them or he feels they should be done, and they are the right thing to do. If Sam doesn’t feel it’s the right thing to do, you won’t get him to do it. If you were at Wayside and he was trying to help you, then he wants to help you. He’s not doing it because he was told to, but because he believes in what he’s doing.”

She swallowed hard, wanting to believe Sam would accept her. She wanted to believe all those things he’d said the night before. But those words had come before she’d felt comfortable enough to bare her soul for him. And she might never get comfortable enough to do that. Where would that leave them then?

“I’ll think about it.”

He gripped the steering wheel in both hands with a sigh. “That’s all I can ask.”

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