Page 33 of Operation: Integrity

Chapter Fifteen

The kennel had narrow windows, letting in bright shafts of light all along the wall. Down the right side, there was a kennel area for all the dogs to be together if they wanted to be inside or eat. It led outside to an area with a high fence for them to run around and play. All the dogs were outside, so the kennel felt private. Almost private enough for Kelly to bare her soul.

“You know about the texts. You’ve read them. I know how you feel about Nathan, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling deep inside like that’s all I’m worth. I don’t belong here. I certainly don’t belong at church. Nothing he said made any sense.” She couldn’t bring herself to blame him for avoiding her. Why wouldn’t he? He hadn’t even wanted her to come to Wayside.

“Would it help to know that you’re not alone in feeling that way? Almost every person who comes to stay here goes through those same feelings. Many of our guests become Christians while they’re here, so they have no understanding of what the pastor is saying.”

Kelly tugged away from him so she could pull her knees up and lean against the wall. Outside, one of the dogs barked. “Then why does Connor keep asking that preacher to come? Wouldn’t it be better to have someone willing to bring it down a little bit, for those of us who don’t know anything?” That wasn’t really the issue, but tackling this question was easier than the others.

“Connor has been friends with him for a long time. He’d really like Connor to bring all of us to the church in town, so we had the option of different classes. That’s just not feasible though. Our people would be overwhelmed, even with the congregation in town only reaching one hundred on a big day, like Christmas.”

“So, what can we do? I want to learn, but when I was talking to God back at the church, I felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling. It’s a pretty ceiling, don’t get me wrong, but that’s not where I want my thoughts to get stuck.”

Sam grinned and bumped her gently with his shoulder. “Do you really think the God of all creation is going to be held back by a layer of wood, tar paper, and shingles?”

She supposed not, but that didn’t stop her feeling from remaining stubbornly the same. “So maybe it’s not physical, but the issue is still there. I feel like He doesn’t want to hear from me. Like I’m too small.”

Sam pulled his phone from his pocket and then gripped her hand with the watch. He downloaded some app that she couldn’t see, then waited. A big circle appeared on his screen with the word ‘downloading’ underneath it. The percentage went up quickly. As soon as it hit 100, he was asked if he wanted to pair his watch to his phone.

“Wait . . .”

Before she could stop him, he paired her watch to his phone and all the texts appeared in a long list. Had she really received so many? Her mouth went dry as she read the first few words of the long string.

“This is why you feel that way.” Sam used his finger to scroll through the messages. “Hemade you feel like you aren’t even worthy of the truth. He convinced you with his actions and words that you have no value. No one here feels that way, and God doesn’t feel that way.”

He stopped on a threatening text and his face changed subtly. “I should’ve been there for you. I shouldn’t have assumed that what I saw was the truth that day. I knew you better than that.”

Kelly gripped her knees. She’d wondered all this time what had sent Sam away. The idea that he’d seen her with one of the men Nathan sent made her sick to her stomach. It was one thing for him to forgive the idea of her being with more men than he would ever know about. It was another to witness the truth for his own eyes. “I’m sorry for what you saw.”

“I can’t change the past. But the whole point of what I wanted to say is that God knows what you went through. He was there at your side. I know you’ll probably wonder why He didn’t rescue you right then. I can’t answer that. But I know that He didn’t abandon you.”

He opened the threatening text and his shoulder and arm tensed at her side.

“I knew you’d be angry if you looked at those again. I tried to get you to stop.”

She leaned forward to stand. He would be angry with her for answering those texts. He would think she was stupid for agreeing with Nathan. No one ever understood that no matter how often he lied, he was still in control.There was something inherently wrong with her or something because she always believed him.

Sam touched her knee, stopping her. She glanced at him and though his face was hard as stone and so unlike the Sam she knew, she also knew that stony reaction wasn’t for her.

“No one will ever talk to you like that again. Ever. I want the watch.” He held out his hand. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I don’t trust him. He’s tracking your every move with this. Look.” He opened the app and was able to select a map that showed every step she’d taken. “He somehow turned on all these settings. I still don’t know if he can hear you. I don’t see a camera on the phone, so at least I’m pretty sure that he’s not watching you.”

She breathed in heavily and let it go. She’d avoided taking a shower for the last few days, terrified that if she took the watch off he would know, yet also terrified of what he could see. She often wore many layers of clothes now, the more the better, so she could hide everything about herself.

“I guess I’m glad he didn’t get a watch that could do that.”

“I doubt he has many limits, but the fact is, there’s something you know that scares him. If not, he’d walk away. The world is full of available victims. Spending the money and resources to go after you means you hold something of his that is valuable. Even if that value is your memories.”

What could she know that would scare Nathan? Had she met someone important and didn’t realize it? “I don’t know what I know, though. So, that’s not helpful.”

“He won’t hurt you. Not now or ever again. I won’t lethim talk to you, see you, or hurt you. You belong here at Wayside. Never believe anything else.”

She wanted to believe that. She wanted to think she had value beyond what could get her killed and that Sam wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. Sam’s words were thrilling, but were they true? She wasn’t at all sure she could ever love again or be part of a relationship, but this was Sam. If anyone could help her cross the finish line and get back to the life she once had, it was steady Sam.

“I belong here,” The words were far too quiet to sound believable, but it was a start.

“Good.” Sam whistled softly, the few notes making all the dogs outside quiet down. Seconds later, Zeus poked his head through the dog door and looked at them. Sam whistled again and Zeus trotted toward them, more like a small pony than a dog.

“Good boy.” Sam scratched the dog behind the ears when Zeus sat down. “Kelly, I want you to take him. You need to feel safe, and if that means we share that cabin, then we do that. But if you’re not ready, then we don’t. But I’m not leaving you unprotected for hours at a time. Zeus is a guard dog. If you blow on a whistle three short blasts, Zeus will come running no matter where you are on the property. But if he’s at your side, you’ll never have to blow that whistle.”

---