Page 17 of Operation: Integrity

Sam didn’t have to ask him what feeling he was talking about. He understood implicitly. It was the feeling of helplessness. Military men, at least all those he’d met, all felt that to some degree. They were trained against the feeling of helplessness. “So, what do we do about it?”

“We know Nathan isn’t going to give up, so we have to make a plan. We have to be aware. We let Nixon knowwhat’s going on. Dominic was there, so he can do what needs to be done for security.”

All those things were good but didn’t loosen the tension in his gut. “Deputy Blake doesn’t have the manpower to be out here watching us constantly and Dominic and Spenser just got here. They haven’t had time to make any changes.” Which begged the question, why were they keeping Kelly at Wayside if she was safer somewhere else. “If you’ve decided to keep Kelly here for my sake, don’t. I don’t want that on my conscience. If she gets taken, violently, because she was here . . . And we both know that the only reason you brought her here instead of leaving her at the halfway house, was me. Then I don’t want you to. Send her where she’s safe.”

“I wasn’t lying to you. They won’t take her back there. We accepted her here, knowing that the more she travels, the more she’s at risk. They warned me that once she’s doing better, federal investigators might be coming out to question her about her knowledge of Evie Carvel.”

“I don’t think she knows.” Sam tried to recall exactly what she’d said about Nathan and Evie. It had sounded to him like she wasn’t even sure exactly where she’d been held captive. It had sounded to him, wherever she was, was like some of the horrible places overseas he’d heard about.

“Thinking and knowing are two different things. I know you want to protect her. That’s the kind of guy you are.” Connor stared at him, daring him to question his statement.

“That may be true, but I shouldn’t be doing it. We both know that. I’m going to end up caring for her again when I shouldn’t. That’s not good for her. I made a promise to protect her, no strings attached, because she doesn’t trustanyone else. I think we both know she’s going to get hurt when this is over. You’re putting me in the position to hurt her and I don’t like it.”

“Idon’tknow that. Brendon keeps telling me my rules, my version of the ten commandments, is wrong. He’s the one who drew that promise out of you, not me. I had to go with it because he’d already established it as a done deal with the client. I had planned on having Junior help her with you as a second.”

Sam tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. He’d assumed Brendon had checked with Connor first before the meeting had ever happened. “So, he went behind your back?”

Connor snorted. “I don’t think he intended to. I don’t think he set out with this mission to break me of the use of my rules, though maybe he did. He’s the only one who has ever pushed back on them.”

Sam accepted the rules because they were part of the job. He saw firsthand with Kelly why they were a good idea. A victim, newly removed from a horrible life, needed the protection of those rules if they were going to be working with men all the time. They needed some assurance there would never be anything romantic or physical between them. “How do I do this? You’re asking me to just turn off my past, to forget that anything happened and treat her like a stranger.”

“For now, yes. That’s what’s going to be the best for her. You’re a man of your word. I trust every man that works here. If my life was in danger, there isn’t a single one of you I wouldn’t want at my side. You know this. I don’t pick favorites except maybe my dad and Lacy.”

Sam had the sudden realization that someone probablyhadknown about Dominic coming before anyoneelse, most likely one of those two had been the team he’d spoken with. “And were one of those people the ones who talked you into bringing Dominic and Spenser here?”

Connor chuckled. “I know I didn’t talk to all of you first. I didn’t want any of you thinking I thought you were incapable. You’re not. We just need experts.”

“And you didn’t want me to know when Kelly was arriving.” He’d been warned it would happen, but not exactly when. Connor had withheld that information from all the men so far.

“True. If I had told you when she was supposed to arrive, you might have found a reason to leave or you could’ve made up excuses to avoid her.”

Sam raged silently inside. “She may be my regret, but you don’t understand the backstory. You don’t understand that she is literally my biggest mistake. I thought I knew her, but I didn’t. I cared about her, but she used me. Brendon thinks she might have wanted me to save her from a life of prostitution.” The idea turned his stomach. He hadn’t been a true Christian then. He’d believed but his faith had been more of his parents’ than his own. Yet, even then, the idea of marrying a woman who’d given herself willingly to so many . . . left him hollow.

“Brendon and I know that you are, at your center, a good man. In fact, you are probably the best man for this job because you have never looked at one of our guests as anything but a human who is broken but can heal. I’m astounded by how well and how quickly your clients bond with you and trust you. You don’t move too fast. You don’t talk too loudly. Kelly needs you to do that with her. She doesn’t trust anyone else.”

“And she won’t grow to trust anyone else if I’m there. She thinks she knows me, but she doesn’t. I’m not the manI was before.” And he didn’t feel like the man Connor had described. That man didn’t feel anger or resentment like Sam did.

“I hear you, Sam. I do. But I’m not changing anything. Kelly has had the wool pulled out from under her too many times. She wasn’t allowed outside at the halfway house. She isn’t allowed to leave Wayside. She is in more danger than we probably know about. And . . .” Connor paused and took a deep breath. “we were going to keep her situation under wraps but with Nathan showing up we can’t. Kelly knows her situation now. You can’t take away the one lifeline she has to trust. You are the only one she trusts here. Even Lacy can’t get through that wall of self-protection Kelly has put up.”

Sam rolled his shoulders, refusing to answer immediately. He’d never felt trapped at Wayside. He’d even hoped after he met Kelly when she arrived that he would be vindicated and he would feel nothing. He’d hoped they would help her and she could move on quickly. Now, he knew the truth. She probably couldn’t go anywhere for a long time. Most likely, not until Evie stood trial and that could be for more than a year.

A year. Or longer.

What would his heart look like in a year with Kelly there, talking to him daily? Tattered ribbons blowing in the wind came to mind. He’d lived through her scheming the first time. He’d managed to move on when he’d been sure he couldn’t.

“I don’t have a choice in this, but don’t misunderstand me, I can’t lie. I can’t pretend our past never happened. I promised her no strings, so she will never know this, but you will.”

Connor threaded his fingers together and leaned onhis desk. Connor stared him in the eyes. “I would risk Kelly’s thread of hope if I thought, at all, that you couldn’t manage this. No one here has your character. If you struggle, I want you to use Brendon as your sounding board. Are you worried that you’ll fall for her again?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to risk himself all over again, but he had felt something. Not love, but protection. Maybe that wouldn’t morph into anything else, but he’d never felt quite that protective of any other client. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know if she’s capable of loving like that ever again. I can’t make that call. Only she can. I’m sorry we’re risking your heart for her, but . . .” Connor stopped.

“But that’s a risk you’re willing to take.”

To Sam’s amazement, Connor nodded his agreement.

Lacy had leftKelly’s cabin an hour before. Even though Kelly wanted to be alone while Lacy was there, now that she was, worry held her captive. Nathan had found her. She wasn’t sure how, but she’d known he would. How often had he told her that no one ever escaped him, at least, not for long.

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