Page 70 of Operation: Unify

The last few nights, alone in her bed, she’d thought about her time in New Mexico. She’d thought about the kisses and the things they’d said. They’d had conversations that she wished could’ve happened instead of the divorce. If only Connor had been open to it. Then again, she’d been so hurt at the time, she probably wouldn’t have listened.

“I want to talk with you tonight, if you don’t mind? We haven’t had our usual TV sessions since we got back from New Mexico,” Connor said.

“I’d like that.” She noticed Teddy heading for the tree. “Looks like the supper must be ready. Teddy is about to pray. Wantto eat with me?” She’d hoped he did, but he had other family members now and so many friends. She didn’t want to pressure him into spending time with her.

“I’d like nothing more.” He leaned over and kissed her temple.

That was the first time he’d kissed her in front of people. She glanced quickly around the room, but no one seemed to have noticed. There was a lingering heat on her temple where his lips had been, like her skin tried to hold onto the contact long after it was done.

Teddy limped slightly as he approached the center of the room. “Can I have your attention, please?”

The room slowly quieted.

“Thank you. This has been a year of a lot of trial, growth, loss, and gain. We’ve seen some terribly hard times and beauty too. That is what God is all about. He holds us and leads us through the worst things imaginable out the other side to the glorious sunlight. Never, ever drop His hand. Hold tight to Him. If I’ve learned anything this last year, it’s that He is the one steady. The one constant. He is faithful in all things.”

Teddy bowed his head. Lacy followed suit, and Connor threaded his fingers through hers. They hadn’t prayed together in years and the lack, now noticed, tugged at her heart. Praying alone was good, between her and God. But praying with Connor, was an experience so intimate and so inexplicable, she hadn’t realized how much she missed it.

As Teddy finished the prayer, blessing the meal and the praying for all the people present, her heart added a hearty amen. Hopefully, the coming year would be the best of all.

The evening hadall gone well, so why was Connor so stuck in his head? He paced in front of the tree long after everyone had headed home. Lacy had gone upstairs to shower, and he still couldn’t force himself to go up there. What if things had changed?

Stop. Stop sabotaging yourself before you find out what a situation will bring.

He wanted to trust that Lacy wouldn’t pull back, that she would always be there. She wasn’t like his mother. Hadn’t she proven that over and over? Hadn’t she sat there next to his bed after he’d been shot? She could’ve left. Nothing kept her there. Not a ring, not a piece of paper. Nothing tangible.

He looked down at the wedding band on his finger. The moment Lacy had returned from Gloria’s after saving everyone from potential disaster, she’d run upstairs and put her ring back on her finger. The wedding ring he’d purchased for her after saving months of earnings from working for his dad. Until she’d left for New Mexico, he’d never seen her take it off. That too, had been unexpected.

“Connor? Is everything okay?” Lacy’s voice drew his attention to the stairs that led up to the living quarters he shared with her.

She stood at the middle of the staircase in flannel pajamas. Her hair was up in a damp bun and shorter sections of hair framed her face, some clinging to her shoulders. She was the most lovely woman he’d ever seen. His eyes would never roam from her. He’d even risk his man-card by calling her adorable. To him, there wasn’t a positive word he couldn’t bend to make it fit her.

“Just mulling a few things.” He tucked his hands behind his back and turned toward the tree.

When he’d been a child, the tree held some kind of wonder. Problems came into focus when he could stand there and think about the lights, Jesus, and what His birth meant. Something so simple as a symbol of Christmas helped clear the cobwebs.

Lacy touched his shoulder. He hadn’t heard her approach. “What’s wrong? I didn’t want to put the popcorn in the microwave without you.”

“Risking your book for some oily popcorn, huh?” He turned back to face her and rested his hands on her hips.

She immediately put her hands loosely around the back of his neck. “Would it surprise you if I said I might skip the book tonight and watch what you’re watching?”

That was new. Watching TV together but separate had been how they’d passed their evenings for as long as he could remember. “I guess I would be.”

“Maybe not every evening, but we can this evening. Relaxing is a good idea going into tomorrow. It’s liable to be stressful.” She ran her fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck, sending delicious sensations down his spine.

“True. Thanks for agreeing to be there.” Lacy had never met his brothers. She only knew of them because he’d told her they existed. They hadn’t come to Connor’s wedding, nor any other event.

He pulled her in a little closer. “I need to say something before we go any further. I hope we’ll get to a point where we can talk about forever again. But before that, we need to broach a topic that might hurt.”

She stiffened slightly. “I’d hoped we would get there too. What’s on your mind?”

He rested his forehead against hers and let her warmth seep into him. “I’m sorry, Lacy. I should’ve said it a long time ago, butI’m sorry. My refusal to face my fears cost us time together, but worse than that, it cost you the chance to have children. I know you wanted them. I took that from you and it’s not something I can ever make up to you.”

She hugged him tightly. “Connor, I’m not dead yet. I’m not even thirty-five. People my age still have children. Also, you’re putting the cart before the horse. We have no way of knowing if we could even have children. So, take that guilt off your shoulders. It’s not yours.”

“But it is.” He knew that to be true because he felt it so deeply. There was no moving forward for them until she knew and understood that he was sorry for their past.

“Connor.” She cupped his scruffy cheeks, asking without words for him to look at her.

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